September 2, 2013
Stephen Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: It ain’t labor if you love what you do

My dear Professor,

I had prepared my usual take on your typically absolutely bonkers, Damn near barking mad columns on Friday and Sunday. It’s a wonder that the Hubbell telescope hasn’t detected vampires coming at warp speed from outer space to our planet; such is the renown of your intergalactically famous bleeding heart.

They were, as is my wont, filled with wry asides, dead center perfect Historical and literary references – Some critics use the term “Johnsonian” in describing my notes, particularly to you. Since “modesty is a very overrated virtue” I have no choice but to agree with them. – and pricelessly perfect bitch slapping when that is what is required.

Your plea, put forward on Friday, of boycotting all things Disney – That’s Disney, as in Walt, Mickey Mouse, Disney World, and, for old-timers, Davey Crockett caps – because they refuse to provide chicken soup made from free range, pesticide free, chickens who died from natural deaths and were cooked on a non-fracked gas stove for cross-gendered employees with alopecia, is beyond both parody and satire. The Nairobi Trio would come out of retirement to accompany a dramatic reading of those columns.

I chose not to come with my much anticipated, always spot on, wet your pants broadsides because you made a startling personal revelation.

Your confession, a coming out if you will, of agoraphobia being the reason why you did not attend the King speech in Washington, D.C.in 1963 is unique. [One of my finger nails on the blackboard moments occurs when “unique” is misused. It means “one of a kind”. It can’t be modified, as in really unique.] You are to be congratulated for being the first to bring this long neglected malady, and, may I add, a new group of victims deserving of respect, recognition, and government aid, to the public’s attention. Perhaps it’s time to drop the “Free Tibet” cause and take on a new one. “I Love a Parade” can be the theme song for the telethon. Times Square on New Year’s for all will be the goal.

The thought of gilding that would be an insult to lilies world wide

Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH..NET

But wait. There’s more.

PS – To bring you back to your glory days, back when you believed that Alger Hiss was innocent and that the Rosenbergs were framed and that Bobby Kennedy was Senator McCarthy’s counsel [Honest. Look it up.], back to when your Shabbos task was to get your non-threatening Negro friend to turn on the lights at your shul, I bring back a term that you heard in your sleep.

WHAT A PUTZ!

Your “coming out” language – “Even so, I would never have gone to the “capital” because I am afraid of violence in even the most peaceful crowd…” suggests that the Columbia University you taught at is the one that enjoys a great reputation for preparing entry level workers for the radio business.

“Capital” is a mass of accumulated wealth. It is much hated by modern American Liberals except when used by the Kennedys or the old lady in Virginia that John Edwards – Remember him? – was probably schtuphing and definitely scamming.

“Capitol”, as In Washington, DC, is where the seat of government is. It is where people go to “seek a redress of grievances”. There was a big rally there in August, 1963. Sorry you missed it.

Firemen go into burning buildings, not because they like fire, but because they are part of something greater than themselves. They overcome their personal holdbacks and act for the greater good. Perhaps if you had read a bit more Kipling and a bit less Odets you may have been able to become a person more at ease with yourself as you enter the back nine of life.

You end your Sunday Jeremiad with lamentations unlimited about racist, red necked, homophobic, gun loving, Tea Party Republicans “hijacking governments”.

A quick trip down memory lane is required.

The Democratic Party hijacked the country in 1912 when they elected Woodrow Wilson, the most racist, bigoted President of the 20th century.

The Davis-Bacon Act, the most anti-Black Federal legislation of the 20th century, was introduced by a Democrat President and passed, overwhelmingly, by the Democratic House and the Democratic Senate.

HUAC – the House Un-American Activities Committee – and I am sure you spent your prepubescent years condemning it – was the creature of a Democratic House. It was a favorite of a Democratic President. It was used by big city Democratic Party leaders to keep opposition off balance. They didn’t have to suppress the vote. They mastered the art of counting and counting and counting and counting until they had enough votes to overcome the rural, most Republican vote, [vide Cook county, Hudson County, Suffolk County, and Baker v Carr]

Vice President Garner, Vice Presidential candidate Senator Sparkman, Senator Bilbo, Senator Eastland, Senator Gore, Senator Fulbright, Senator Ervin, Senator Russell, whose name is on the Senate building, Senator Tennis, whose name is on an aircraft carrier [CVN74]…send up a flare when you see anyone who was at or would have been at the 1963 King rally.

Here’s a pop quiz.

Which political party did Governor George Wallace, he of “Segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever” fame, not to mention the dust up at the Edmund Pettis Bridge in Selma, Alabama, have the honor of addressing its national convention on national TV at prime time? Hint. It wasn’t the Republican Party.

Do you guys still have Jefferson-Jackson dinners? Jefferson was a slave owner. Jackson killed more Indians than John Wayne and John Ford could have counted.

On the other hand what can you expect from a party that lied to the American people about 3 wars in the 20th century? What can you expect when a President has the backing of his party after he admits that he perjured himself?

You’re just doing what comes naturally.


Back to work tomorrow