September 27, 2013
Stephen Goldstein
The Sun Sentinel

RE: Money, money, money, and if only someone would rid you of those meddlesome Republicans how good life would be. Some comments on your “balloon juice” plan to make crooked things straight - Strike that. I don’t want the word police to knock, knock, at my door. Make crooked things fairer is politically better, no? – in today’s unlinkable column.

My dear Professor,

“Thanks to President Obama’s stimulus dollars and
Federal reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke’s stewardship
of the economy, Florida anticipates having a revenue
surplus of an estimated $845 million next year.”
The Sun Sentinel
Today
You

I don’t need the Death Panels of Obamacare to diagnose that you have been drinking too deeply from the poisonous “balloon juice” spring discovered by John Maynard Keynes and tended to by Howard Zinn. I bet you think that the Depression was turned around by the NRA.

If I understand what you are saying the route to the land of milk and honey and constantly copulating golden geese consists of borrowing money from the Chinese and creating $1,000,000,000,000 a year from gossamer, spider webs, pixie dust, cotton candy, and my favorite, belly button lint, and then throwing it off the back of a moving train.

Forgive me but that train seems to have made a U-turn in the tunnel. The station named “Summer of Recovery” is on the other track, That’s the station with all the 
“shovel ready” jobs, right?

Your proposals for Florida disposing of its citizen created surplus is, let me polite here, underwhelming.

` 1 – Every Floridian could get $42 as his piece of the pie, pie being the key word. Speaker Pelosi, and isn’t it time to put an ankle bracelet on her should she get lost in the Capitol catacombs, said that food stamps, coupled with unemployment insurance, are the best red hot poker up the ass of a moribund economy. She said that they multiply 7 times as they go through the economy. The next step is easy. Each and every one of us gets $42. Not in cash but in pie scrip. Not pi scrip. Pie scrip. It can only be used for pie. Pie, as in moon pie, pizza pie, the neighbor’s pie, and your favorite, cow pie.

2 – You say that with “proper expertise and planning” every town in Florida will become OZ and every man will be a King.

The same people who gave, give, and will give us the Post Office, the same people who picked Solyndra, the same people who are incapable either of finding their ass using both hands or, and here’s a toughie, sand at the beach, will with the surplus of $845,000,000 created by the people of Florida cause lambs to volunteer to spend the night with a Cheshire cat grinning Lion King

Madness. Madness.

3 – Among the “team of nationally recognized entrepreneurs, business leaders, bankers…inter alia” who “will fundamentally change American society” will there be a place on the starting team for the Brothers Koch? How about George Soros? America, the land of the second chance, needs Bernie Madoff, don’t you think?

Isn’t it time for “Midnight Basketball” to get its chance to give feral Black youth trapped in inner cities without access to mass transit a chance to shine?

How about Alpha Gump. AKA Vice President Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., as the man to ride herd on those corsairs who want to remake society? Thank God he patched the hole in the ozone layer or we all would have been toast, right? Besides, anyone who can get a gazillion dollars from a tribe of Jew hating WOGs for a failed TV station should be in our corner.

I think that Governor Spitzer, Senator Edwards, Congressman Weiner, and Mayor Filner should be ex officio members of the steering committee. Their interpersonal skill will come in handy, particularly if some recalcitrant chicks need their bums stroked.

4 – You say that the Governor should “put an end to the hollow gesture of listening tours”.

Duty requires me to disclose that “listening tours” were begun by Hillary Rodham Clinton. Although she was born and raised in Chicago she was able to keep her love of the New York Yankees hidden. After looting the White House she decided she wanted to be the Senator from New York. She took her bus to the Anchor Bar in Buffalo to tell New Yorkers that she had a picture of Yogi Berra on her wall when she was a kid.

Maybe she should be in charge of the “reset” button.

I tell you as a true friend that the tooth fairy ain’t showing up. I caution you about handling sharp instruments or operating heavy machinery. If you don’t want to spend the weekend in adult sleep away camp, the one that has rooms with no handle on the inside of the doors, duck under the desk if you hear someone say “Baker Act”.





Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET




PS – POW! Stop the presses! What an idea!

Send the $845,000,000 to Detroit. “It is not too late to seek a better world.” We can make America’s Hiroshima cum Gomorrah into the next “shining city on the hill”. Let’s make Chelsea Clinton the Czarina It will look great on her resume. She has as much experience as her mother had when she parlayed her experience as a commodities trader and land developer into becoming a Director of Wal-Mart. It was just a coincidence that her husband was Governor of the Arkansas where the company is located.[Yeah, right}

If the President can reach out to the head thug in Iran I can reach out to you. How about a bus tour of all the successful Section 8 apartments in Broward County? It will be a chance to get to know each other plus it will be a primer on how well government can do things. Adult beverages will not only be provided they will be required. All aboard!