March 15, 2014
Senator Edward Markey
975 JFK Federal Building
Boston, MA 02203

RE: You smarmy bastard! You pail of pungently acrid eel shit!

Senator Markey,

A quick review tells me that, according to you, hedge funds that Mitt Romney was involved with were bad while hedge funds that Bill Ackman are involved with are good.

Pershing Square, Ackman’s hedge fund, thinks that Herbalife is going to become worthless, like Solyndra. If he is right he will make one billion – that’s $1,000,000,000 – dollars. That’s enough money to buy a lot of support up to and including United States Senators.

You gave a speech on the floor of the United States Senate, a place where Calhoun and Webster volleyed and thundered, that failed, miserably I quickly add, the bag test.

Herbalife was the target of your high dudgeon.

Should Ackman prevail he will have a personal Summer of Recovery that will shame the money men of Xanadu. As an Irish-Catholic from Hudson County, New Jersey I know you are going to need a really big tin box for your swag. Don’t take any checks.

Coincidences occur all the time. Particularly when, as Jeeves said to Bertie, “you find a trout in the milk”.

The Senate has been in need of an impossible to shame varlet, a scroyle sans scruples since Torricelli of New Jersey slinked out one step ahead of the constable. It took 2 years to get the stench out. It’s back.

You give the typical crooked modern American Liberal Boston pol a bad name.




Kevin Smith