April 6, 2014
David Fleshler
The Sun Sentinel

RE: “Our Rising Seas” – Some comments on your unlinkable Page 1 story of how we or our children or our children’s children or our children’s children’s grandchildren or somebody could go glub, glub.

Mr. Fleshler,

Imagine I am an extra-terrestrial alien being who visits every 5 years or so. I come back periodically because despite your lingering racism, sexism, speciesism, teen age bullying, and the heartbreak of psoriasis, you have done some good things.

Music. Books. Art. The Trivium
And another thing you, having had it
so long, now take for granted.
The Scientific Method.

I was here when an 8 column screamer was ink stained short hand for a big Page 1 story. Alas, we are down to 5.

Thank god I kept my intergalactic barf bag.

Your first sentence – “As sea levels rise, driven by global warming…” – caused onset projectile vomiting that Richter was able to measure. It was in protest for losing 25 centuries of reasoned discourse and the aforementioned Scientific Method.

[I was here in 2008 when an Illinois community activist promised that if he were elected “the earth would cool and the seas would fall”. Would the politically incorrect rising of the seas, the one featured by your Page 1 story, be racially motivated?]

The back door of my nephew’s home in Fort Lauderdale is less than 15 yards from the Intracoastal. The first thing I do when I get there is check the manatee trap pots. Nothing beats baby – particularly female – sushi as an appetizer to poached breast of whooping crane. A combo of wasabi and chipotle and your mouth will thank your teeth.

The second thing I do is check the water level.

Of course it changes. It goes up. It goes down. It goes back up. It goes back down. Over and over and over. Sometimes, and I think the moon has something to do with it, it will be exaggerated. I think the scientific term for it is “tides”. Further research will lead you to the works of Professor Vivaldi, a noted Italian climatologist, a Renaissance man, if you will. Listen to him. You may learn something

But I digress.

Please tell me how your sentence “As sea levels rise, driven by global warming…” came about.

If you use the words “science” and “consensus” in the same sentence I will have a sign made in the colors of your choice proclaiming “I am a moron”.

Further, if you say “Everyone knows”, I will have a sign made for you that says, “Not only am I a moron but I revel in being surrounded by morons”.

500 years ago, on one of my periodic trips, the “scientific consensus” was that Ptolemy was the top dog in Astronomy. Whatever happened to him? Wasn’t his science “settled”?

40 years ago, a really smart professor named Paul Ehrlich told us that the race was on. The finish line was the year 2000. The race was to see if we would freeze to death before we starved. A true Hobson’s Choice, no?

It is empirically self-evident that this ohmadahn should neither be allowed to operate heavy machinery nor should he be allowed to handle sharp instruments. The man is “a ass” and that’s an end to it.

After I finish my mid-day repast I may have to loosen my belt before I turn the A/C up for my nap.

The only plausible explanation here is that the boobies are running the hatch and you are their amanuensis.



Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET


PS – Here’s a bonus question. What is the “scientific consensus” for the Permian Extinction?