February 13, 2017

Congressman Ted Deutch

7900 Glades Road – 250

Boca Raton, FL 33434

Congressman Deutch,

As you may know, I am bound and determined not be cliché-ridden.

If I am to be saddled with a modern American Liberal Congressman, why settle for a half-assed horse’s ass? Why not have a true wing nut moon bat in DC? Why not the best? Why not you?

Today’s subject is retroactive eclectic indignation. The specific incident is the decision – a real “Profile in Courage” I might add – is the decision of Yale University to send the name Calhoun College down the always convenient modern American Liberal memory hole. [There is something eerily Orwellian about that but I’ll leave that for a different forum.]

President Kennedy thought he was  “one of the 6 most important Senators in American History” but what the Hell does he know? After discovering the “missile gap” he was telling the country that he would defend Quemoy and Matsu. In addition to promising to “get the country moving again” by cutting taxes, he set the land record for White House horizontal tangoes that stood until Big Bill Clinton, the King of the Oval Office One-Eyed Trouser Snakes, got there.

But I digress.

I am too easily distracted by the righteous outrage and high dudgeon caused by the foibles of card carrying modern American Liberals. I have no choice but to respond, it being such a “target rich environment”. Still, I must guard against over swinging. Lord knows, after the shouting and yelling they stand there supinely with their “upturned necks awaiting the ax”.

If Calhoun gets the chop isn’t it time to get Senator Russell’s name off the Senate building? He was from Georgia. He wanted to send his “colored Nigrahs” to the rest of the country to see what they were missing. Honest. He said it. And he said it on the floor of the United States Senate.

How about Senator Stennis? He spent his entire public life, just like Senator Ervin and Senator Gore, trying to keep little Black boys from going to school with little White girls. We named a friggin’ nuclear aircraft carrier after him. 

Some suggestions could include the Saul Alinsky/Bill Ayers Senate Office Building. We may not be ready for the USS Willy Horton but maybe it’s time for the USS Al Sharpton.

If we are to believe Justice Marshall Woodrow Wilson was the vilest, most racist President in the 20^th century. We send American students all over the world in his name. Ditto for Senator Fulbright. The sound you hear is tinkling brass.

2 of the Presidents on Mount Rushmore owned slaves. One of them apparently had a taste for brown sugar.

The beat goes on.

How about Senator Robert Byrd, AKA “Sheets”? He used to wear them when he was the Kleagle in charge of recruiting for the Ku Klux Klan. He was also known as the “Cicero of the Senate”.

Don’t forget Vice President Garner. How about Vice President Barkley? Let the record show that it was Albin – not Charles. Don’t forget Vice Presidential candidate Senator John Sparkman. He ran with Adlai Stevenson, the noblest modern American Liberal of them all.

Maybe we can learn from the Taliban. They blew up a 2500-year-old Buddha because he wasn’t Allah. BTB, maybe Allah ain’t so akbar after all. 

We could have a lottery open to the POO. POO is short hand for Perpetually Outraged and Offended. We would have to include single moms, usually women of color, women with children in need of a good Ritalin program, to see who blows up Mount Rushmore. OK. OK Half of Mount Rushmore

Silly me. I forget to mention that they were all Democrats. 

Like I said, a “target rich environment”. Get back to me, OK? I am a constituent.

Kevin Smith

1401 SE 15^th Street #110

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316