February 14, 2017

Senator Jeff Markley

405 E 8^th Street #2010

Eugene, Oregon 97400

Senator Markley,

I have watched you for the last month as you pranced around the Senate during the various confirmation proceedings. I immediately thought that you once could have held the state record for high school atomic wedgies and serious nuggies.

My father, the legendary Judge Smith, had special terms for special people.

“He’s meaner than cat shit.”

Not only were your born for the title you worked to get it the old-fashioned way. No

modern American Liberal Affirmative Action for you. You earned it, fair and square. Also, I can tell you that while it is just February you have the inside track for a most prestigious, highly coveted award:

SMARMY BASTARD of the YEAR

Since I grant them I can assure you that the fix is in. Congratulations!

Kevin Smith

1401 SE 15^th Street #110

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33316