February 25, 2017

Kevin Cook – Director of Communications

City Hall

228 S. Massachusetts Avenue

Lakeland, FL 33801

RE: The Leg lamp controversy

Mr. Cook,

“If people are offended by a leg, we really apologize.”

You

Let the record show that the leg in question is an 8 feet high leg covered in fish net stockings atop which sits a lamp used, presumably and forgive me, to light the way.

I don’t know whether you said the above with a smirk or a whimper. Since you appear to be a mid-level apparatchik my money is on the whimper. In typical modern American Liberal fashion, you seem to be apologizing only if someone bellyaches.

If that is the case stay the Hell out of Florence. That’s the one in Italy, not the one in South Carolina. There is a 10-foot-tall statue of David sitting in the town square. Try as you might you can’t help but notice his pecker and his cojones. HIs male member is in a non-tumescent state but who knows what the wily sculptor, a multi-talented Eye-Tie named Mikey Buonarotti, a true Renaissance man, had in mind.

Al Goldstein, he of Hustler magazine fame, a man who never came to know the baby Jesus, had a huge plastic hand facing the Intracoastal in Pompano Beach. The middle finger was extended skyward. Quien sabe how many were offended by that. 

If a leg can get you to grovel you better keep Duchamp’s “Nude Descending a Staircase” out of town. 

Being somewhat familiar with female anatomy who gets to turn the light on? And where is the switch?

Kevin Smith