Thursday, April 13, 2017

April 12, 2017

Mike Jackson – CEO
Auto Nation
200 SW 1st Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Decisions, decisions or, as Homer Simpson said, “Don’t make me choose”

Mr. Jackson,

The ’79 Talbot or the ’75 Lascombe?

What do you think?

Rack of lamb, slathered in Dijon sauce, al dente string beans, and Amy’s potatoes.

I am asking you because I read in the WSJ this A.M. that you were able to detect a “Ponzi” scheme disguised as a car company, in this case Tesla. Then, to prove that you can multi-task, you psychoanalyzed the President of the United States. The cherry on the sundae was your pronouncement of fealty and obeisance to Hillary Clinton. All this before breakfast!

I have a classmate I have known for 58 years, He was CEO of a multi-billion-dollar bank in New Jersey. It began life as a not quite regional bank, neighborhood being a better description. In 1991 he took a public stand on a contentious state tax plan. I knew – know – him well enough that I called and asked him how many stupid bills he taken. before his announcement.

The banking business is like the car business in one important aspect. They both buy wholesale and then they sell retail. [Why any business would offer to sell at or below cost is a sure sign that they think their customers are friggin’ morons but that’s a story for a different time.]

The reason I asked my pal, a guy I have known since Eisenhower was President and Kennedy’s best male friend in DC was Nixon, if he had an “irresistible impulse” to piss off half his customers. We exchanged 4 letter observations with ethnic references and questions about the validity of our parents’ marriages, assuming they had them.

If no one is in the showroom or the lobby, be they brick and mortar or electronic, inventory piles up. It is a well-known fact that I am bound and determined not to be cliché ridden. The only people who make money on inventory are hookers and loan sharks.

Which brings me back to you.

Thoreau, America’s great 19th century tax protestor, always sought the “simplicity” of things. You have a very simple job. The owners of the place where you work, your shareholders, will reward you on how many and how well you sell their cars.

If you sell them at a loss they know that you can’t make it up on volume. If you price them too high you can’t sell them at all. Simple, isn’t it?

Why muck it up by picking stocks? 

Why muck it up by trying to give Hillary a tongue bath?

About Hillary…the great Dr. Johnson, although he was addressing a different subject, spoke about supposedly rational adults voting for modern American Liberals and then being overcome by the urge to proclaim it publicly. Modern American Liberals are defined as people who know that raising taxes and increasing the minimum wage is the sure way to prosperity. The tie-breaker is that, deep down, they believe that Midnight Basketball could have worked if more community support could have been mustered. He said, “it is the triumph of hope over experience”. 

I issued an indulgence on January 23, 2016 for anyone who wanted to vote for Trump but had some doubts. It was like a consent decree with yourself and the voting booth. Any and all punishment for the sin of voting for the Donald was forgiven forever. I said that there was the possibility that he could become the worst President ever. It was beyond doubt that if she had been elected the American people would have sent the worse person ever to the Oval Office.

Plus, he would get to pick the Judges and the Justice. I’m sponsoring Ruth Bayer Ginsburg for a senior triathlon. Wanna help?




Kevin Smith


PS – I’m going with the Talbot. The Lascombe is overpriced and has turned. As a recovering wine snob, I know these things

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