Curtis Morgan The Miami Herald

October 24, 2009

Curtis Morgan
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: And to think that some people thought satire was dead! “Counties to fight Climate Change”, your news story in today’s Miami Herald is spot on.

Mr. Morgan,

What a great article!

4 counties, Palm Beach, Broward, Miami/Dade, & Monroe, take on the universe of environmental despoilers.

Half of the Palm Beach County Commission is either in jail or heading there. It has a Congressman, Toad Wexler, who lives in Maryland.

There are more Federal agents – men with badges, guns, and subpoenas – per capita in Broward County than any other county in the United States. I was born and raised in Hudson County, New Jersey. For Broward County to knock them off the top post is worthy of Guinness Book of Records consideration in the Politician –Crooked section.

Miami/Dade has nice town called Miami Lakes. They settle political squabbles there by arson. To Hell with building a wall on our southern border. It should be built to quarantine Hialeah.

I am not sure I know where Monroe County is but I know that it too is the land of palms all of which are turned up.

Without even a soupcon of snickering you have these Gomorrah wanabees saving drowning polar bears, the Rain Forest, and plastic bags.

Normally that would be beyond parody. You pulled it off.

Gordon Brown, the moronic nit-wit who tarnishes the title of Prime Minister, a title burnished by such giants as Churchill and Thatcher, gave the world 50 days to live last Sunday. My wife and I wanted to go to Texas for Christmas. We better move it up to Thanksgiving. Don’t take any checks from me dated after December 1.

I loved the way you low balled rising sea levels

If it rises 8 inches we’ll have to use Perrier to wash our cars.
If it rises 4 feet we’ll defuse The Population Bomb in Florida by killing 5,000,000 people. I just got back from shopping, 5,000,000 less will free up more parking so every cloud has a sliver lining. Maybe we could convince les Quebecois to face the wave first. We’ll tell them it’s free. Since the last Ice Age started in Quebec it’s the least they can do for us. Incidentally, the last Ice Age was cured by…by…can you believe this…Global Warming.

You should have commented on how the environmental despoilers, big business rotters all plus they’re probably birthers to boot, planted two burrowing owls on a high school football field in Sunrise. [You may remember when Lord Barack the Beneficent and blessed be his name stood in the arena there and said, “Hello Sunshine”. He kept saying it. Since Florida was the 55th state in the Union that he had visited he was given an indulgence for not knowing his lines. George Bush would have been given the same courtesy also. I know he has enough things on his plate but how is his quest for an Austrian/English dictionary going?] The field was declared off limits until the eggs hatch and the fledglings are enrolled in a neighborhood school. They use imbecilic ploys like this to deflect attention from their plot to poison the world for profit. The tricky part here will be to keep the peripatetic predators from eating the little ones. Since anacondas and Burmese pythons are now endangered species perhaps 24/7 rap music barrages will keep them from harm’s way. We’ll do whatever it takes to protect them.

A follow-up story to save the world would be simple.

Half of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal.

2/3rds of the electricity consumed in this state is used for air conditioning.

I have been asking the Miami Herald since 1997 to ban air conditioning during the months of June, July, August, September, and October in their headquarters. Think of the effect it would have on the rest of the country. Think how much we would reduce our carbon footprint. Think how many drowning polar bears we would save. It’s true they would eat more baby seals but it’s a small price to pay for Greenness. Besides, it might save numbskull Gordon Brown from doing a back flip off the top of Big Ben in 6 weeks.

On second thought let the horse’s ass go.

The world will be a better place with him gone.

Maybe we can get him to take some Florida omadahns with him.




Kevin Smith