Roger Goodell National Football League

October 18, 2009

Roger Goodell
National Football League
280 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10017

RE: Rush Limbaugh, “divisiveness”, law breakers, Caesar’s wife, and maybe it’s time to clean out the Augean Stables that is the NFL.

Mr. Goodell,

If Rush Limbaugh can get the yard sticks shoved up his ass for something he didn’t say maybe it’s time to root out the “divisive” and criminal elements in the NFL.

The Mara family still owns a substantial stake in the New York Giants. The founders, the Mara Brothers, were bootleggers, speakeasy owners, and bookmakers, just like Al Capone. My family was in all of the above named businesses. They can be professions that are run in an honorable way. Nevertheless they were illegal. Would it be fair to say that the NFL was founded by lawbreakers?

What exactly did Art Rooney, Sr. do for a living? Was he an insurance salesman? Was he a biology teacher? Wasn’t he in the race track business? Didn’t he raise horses? Who hangs out at tracks? How many families were ruined by him taking the father’s action?

Did Jerry Jones play in the old oil/new oil scam in the 1970s? By using accounting legerdemain [maybe ledgerdemain would be a better way to put it] $5 oil became $15 oil. During that time there were 210,000 producing oil wells in Texas with 160,000 of them being owned by individuals. The only ones hurt by this were the rancher, the government, and the people who used gasoline and fuel oil.

Shouldn’t Jones be required to prove that he didn’t do this? If he can’t prove he didn’t do it shouldn’t his franchise be forfeit? How about giving it to ACORN? That would be a blow against “divisiveness”, wouldn’t it?

As further proof that God has a sense of humor the team in question, the St. Louis Rams, has a colorful history.

They once were the Baltimore Colts.

The owner, Carroll Rosenberg, was a man who would “hark to a wager”. THE Game, the sudden death overtime NFL Championship Game against the New York Giants, was decided when the Colts scored a touchdown rather than kick a field goal because, as Johnny Unitas said, “the boss had big money on it and needed 6 points to cover”.

He then swapped his franchise for one in Los Angeles. That club wound up in St. Louis.

Along the way, and I‘m trying to be charitable here, he met a show girl/dancer/adult entertainer – pick one. When he married her it proved yet again the power of the “bearded clam”, right?

I wonder who was in her circle of friends?

Rosenberg’s death was suspicious to say the least. He drowned in the Atlantic Ocean with Ted Kennedy nearby. Talk about grassy knolls!

I enclose a copy of a letter I sent to the Miami Dolphins.

I am pleased to tell you that even though it is still October you have already won a most prestigious annual award. You are hereby named to the pantheon. You are named

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

What if it turns out that our revulsion at and your suspension of Michael Vick was predicated on “cultural arrogance”? What if it turns out that only White folk are upset with killing dogs? Will you give him the Atlanta Falcons franchise for restitution?

HORSE’S ASSES OF THE WEEK, dudes like Donovan McNab, Al Sharpton, DeMaurice Smith, inter alia, are well represented by you.



Kevin Smith


PS – Speaking of things “divisive”, isn’t it time for team names like the Redskins and the Chiefs to get the Rush Limbaugh treatment? Isn’t the name Packers hurtful and insensitive to homosexuals everywhere? The New Orleans team plays in a stadium paid for with public funds. How can they use a religious name? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? How divisive is that? How about banning players from Holy Cross –the Crusaders- and the University of Illinois –the Illini- from playing in the NFL? How “divisive” and insensitive are those names?