Carl Hiaasen The Miami Herald

September 28, 2010

Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza

RE: “Memory Pills”, “Thanks for the Memories”, “Who are those Guys”? – Some comments on the concupiscence of court house construction as pointed out by you in your column on Sunday last.

Mr. Hiaasen,

Here I am, “in the pleasant land of counterpane”, after tying the world record for hip replacements, said record being two, when my wife, my long suffering wife, brings me the Herald as her contribution to my rehab.

You tell me about the “Court House Boys” doing what they do best – being “Court House Boys – in the construction of – Can you believe it? – a new court house in Tallahassee.

People from Hudson County normally don’t need “memory pills” when it comes to the chicanery connected to the construction of public buildings. Since I am on so damn many drugs now I figured that one more couldn’t hurt so I took it.

BROWARD COUNTY BROWARD COUNTYBROWARDCOUNTY

Since your political comments show you to be most identified with the Mother Theresa and Saint Francis of Assisi wing of the Democratic party let us stipulate to the fact that, with the possible exception of Zabar’s on a cool Sunday morning, there is no more modern American Liberal place in America than Broward County.

We are but 2 or 3 election cycles away from manatee suffrage. Broward blazed the trail giving pregnant pigs more constitutional protection than pregnant bi-peds. Dr. Mengele would win in any election he ran in because of his progressive views on abortion. I don’t think I am overstating the point but 3 member minyans are the rule at the Broward Republican Jewish Bar Association.

I have sweaters that are older than the existing Broward County Courthouse. I hasten to add that I know of no more scurrilous group of scroyles and poltroons than the combined Broward County judiciary but that is a different story.

The current Court House, a symbol of the glorious days of the Carter administration – I have learned that Carter was just hospitalized. Let me say once more, before the rules of de morituis kick in, that he was the worst President of the 20th century. The only thing he did of not was that he made it easier for the great Reagan to save America and beat the Russkies – is falling down. It leaks, it stinks, it is filled with mold and is overrun by rats, both four legged and two. It is well to note that the Davis-Bacon law, surely the most anti-Black Federal law passed in the 20th century, was enforced with a vengeance in its construction. In other words, a Dem honey pot.

The replacement is so tumescently anticipated by the Broward Courthouse gang that the cement mixers, bond salesmen, lawyers, consultants, union thugs, facilitators, and assorted and various public construction bottom feeders keep an extra pair of pants nearby lest they be thought of as lunch time lap dance devotees.

Then the “memory pill”, not the “eclectically indignant” one so beloved of modern American Liberals, kicks in.

Forget about Boss Tweed. How about Justice Breyer?

He was the Chief Appellate Judge in Boston and, as such, the man in charge of the construction of the new Federal Xanadu.

Steam rooms [wet and dry], salmon streams, marble worthy of the Parthenon, hurricane proof, wine cellars, ski slopes, bowling alleys, basketball and racquet ball courts, alas no pistol ranges, it was the inspiration, like a dry run, for the legendary Boston “Big Dig”. Sometimes it pays to work for Fatso Kennedy.

Let the record show that it proved to be no hindrance to his ascension to the Supreme Court. Let the record further show that his wife’s family being a “name” at Lloyd’s proved to be no hindrance either. That fact should have caused him to recuse himself from every case concerning banking, investment firms, and insurance companies. That conflict would never have passed the Bag Test if he were a Republican.

The “memory pill” just hit passing gear.

A guy I knew from Bayonne got his father a job in the new County Courthouse in Jersey City. His employee job description was elevator operator. The fact that the elevators were all automatic in up to date Jersey City proved to be no deterrent. His father showed up and tried to run an automatic elevator. Things like that made this country great.

“I doubt that people in the Legislature had any idea what they were doing” is ascribed to one of the legislative architects of Ozymandius’s new home. At least now we know from where Nancy Pelosi [“We’ll have to pass Obamacare to see what’s in it”] gets all her great lines.

Kevin Smith