Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Chairperson

April 20, 2011

Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Chairperson
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Kerygma with strong note to follow

Dearest Darling Debbie-Debbie,

First, the good news.

657 islands have just been discovered.

It is not known whether the islands or their discovery or both were caused by the Obama Stimulus Program. What is known is that they weren’t there before the Great One was sworn in. I remember him saying, just before he walked on water, that the “oceans would stop rising” as soon as soon as he became the Big Boss Man.

Since it happened on his watch he gets the credit.

I was going to give you a primer, a refresher tutorial if you will, on Rhetoric and its evil spawn, Sophistry. Since you claim to have two degrees in Political Science you would be academically familiar with them. [You are, aren’t you?] It is always good to have a refresher course that focuses on the fundamentals.

I was interrupted by news of Congressman Russ Carnahan [D-MO] telling Congressman Lacy Clay [D-MO] to engage in the anatomically impossible act of monogenesis. The exact language was “Go fuck yourself”. I don’t know whether that could be construed as a hate crime but I do know that no Member may be held accountable in any other place for anything said on the floor. Thus, when Congressman Clay said, “Fuck me? Fuck you!” there could be no untoward consequences save for the fast disappearing notion of civil discourse and reasoned debate.

You were like a modern day Jeremiah when you told us that “bile and vitriol were tearing us apart at the seams”.

Was the exchange “bile”? Was it “vitriol”? Which seams were being rended?

The preponderance of evidence says it was neither Rhetoric nor was it Sophistry. It was just 2 potty mouthed modern American Liberals who didn’t get your memo about being nice, particularly if you are a Republican. No big deal.




Yesterday, Lord Barack told a room filled with college students – perhaps whining narcissists would be a better way of describing them – that “we can’t spend what we don’t have”. The students nodded approvingly. A quick survey would have confirmed that Women’s Studies, 3rd World Karma, Black Studies and Veganism – A Way of Life were the predominant Majors. If the Emcee
- said “Free Ockham’s Razors” there would have been a stampede to the beauty supply store.

Most of them would have bet that the word “fallacy” was first found in “The Vagina Monologues”.

He did this while he still had writer’s cramp from signing a budget that has a projected deficit of $1,400,000,000,000. I hope I have enough zeros. The projected deficit of $1,400,000,000,000 is almost four times the actual deficit of President Bush’s last budget. You’ve been in Congress long enough to know that projected and actual are like parallel lines: they never meet.

$1,400,000,000,000

Oh filthy lucre but I love writing that number. I would normally mention a drunken sailor but that demeans drunken sailors. They earn it before they spend it. Lord BoBo borrowed it.

$1,400,000,000,000

If I keep writing that I will need massive doses of ObamaCare for carpal tunnel syndrome. [I understand that the secret protocol he signed on his Muslim apology tour last year includes the adoption of Sharia rehab practices. “If thy hand is cramped cut it off, praise Allah!”] OOPS! I forgot. You think the term ObamaCare is offensive and should be banned as being “disrespectful” to the President. I don’t know whether it falls into the ordure emanating vat labeled “bile” or into the noxious urn labeled “vitriol”.

Would you think it “ironic” – Damn those Greeks! – that the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize winner has the jailer of the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner over for dinner? And in the White House?

This week’s message should be the new islands. Talk about Going Green!

Don’t send the cops after me. My wife is unwell.



Kevin Smith