Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Big Boss Lady Democratic National Committee

April 11, 2011

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Big Boss Lady
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Prime Time! It’s good to be Queen!

My dear Debbie-Debbie,

“I am someone who fights for the middle class and the less fortunate.”
The Sun-Sentinel
Today
You

Since you co-sponsored legislation that directly enhanced your husband’s business [6/13/10 letter enclosed] and your income can we assume that bankers henceforth will be members in good standing of the “less fortunate middle-class”?

“I ran for office to be a voice for my generation which continues
to be under-represented, particularly for women.”
Ibid

Speaking of “under-representation” and its evil twin “gender equity” take a stroll through Arlington National Cemetery. You won’t even have to take your shoes off to count how many chickies got there the old fashioned way.

“We are certainly going to campaign against [Governor] Rick Scott…”
Ibid

Perhaps you’ve been away too long but Governor Scott is like a virgin in a whore house down here. Broward County, where we both live, can rightfully proclaim that “We’re #1” when it comes to political venality and mendacity. I know that you will rejoice when I tell you that there is a new show coming soon that will challenge “Policewoman of Broward County”. The final title hasn’t been picked yet but it will be some variation on “Crooked Lady Politicians of Broward County”. Full disclosure demands that I tell you that they are all, all as in 100%, modern American Liberals. Some are already in jail. Some are going to jail. Some are having defense fund receptions. Some are beating the record for the 40 yard dash to get to the Prosecutor to rat out their fellow chicks while there is still time. [“Fellow chicks”? – That’s another unacceptable term, isn’t it?] A Broward County Board of Education member, an elected official, uses the “dreaded ‘N’ word”, the word that White people dare not use – the exception being still dead Senator Robert Byrd, once a Grand Kleagle in the KuKluxKlan and President Pro Tem of the Senate, who used it twice on national TV and the nation yawned – and suffers no consequences. I can imagine the full wrath of Debbie-Debbie being brought to bear if Governor Scott were to be taped whistling Dixie.

Perhaps as head of the Democratic National Committee you can find out why deficits under the hated George W. Bush administration were anathema while deficits under Lord Barack the Beneficent are good, warm, and nurturing.

Then you can parse “kinetic military action”. You may want to do that before you visit Arlington National Cemetery. You won’t have to take your shoes off to count how many broads got there by “seeing the elephant”, not by marrying someone who did.

Would you ask Secretary Clinton why she took to the floor of the Senate to warn the nation for the 8 years she was Senator of the follies and dangers of borrowing money from the Chinese? If memory serves she was sworn in for about 45 minutes when she got in a SR-71 to fly to China to give Uncle Wong a lap dance so she could keep the credit card. “Birther” and “Truther” conspiracies aside, can you find out if she recruited an Amazon Brigade, a group of devoted Monica Lewinsky followers, to do, in a most diligent manner, the Mandarin House of Lords in the Forbidden City? If we can keep them happy we may yet have them pay us to lend us money.

You may want to ask Senator Reid if this war – Pick one: Iraq, Afghanistan, or Libya – is “lost”. Damn that Bush for going to Congress before he sent Americans into combat. It’s so much easier just to send them, don’t you think?

You may want to ask Senator Durbin if the soldiers who hacked of the ears of the bad guys are Nazis. That’s what he said when the same thing happened when Bush was the Boss.

I await your ringing defense of the premise that gasoline approaching $4.50 a gallon for Lo-Test will reduce the 9% unemployment rate.

It’s probably been some time since you pushed a cart through Publix. The next time you’re there it will take about 45 seconds in the produce department and less than a minute in the meat department to tell you that, Ben Bernanke and Tiny Tim Geithner notwithstanding, the rumbling you hear from the prices being changed upward every 32 minutes presages a snarling roaring inflation not seen since the glory days of the Carter administration.

Your anti-free speech actions are well known, particularly to me. The sight of men with badges and guns coming to my house to ask me about my political beliefs is tattooed on my psyche. Criticism to you is like Dracula doing laps in a pool filled with holy water. Somewhere in your closet you have a brown shirt that you like to wear when you think no one is looking. These days you can keep it under wraps. I imagine you’ll be escorted by a flying squad of purple shirted SEIU thugs. Pray tell but what is the 21st century version of the very popular Horst Wessel song?

Do you think my proposal, simple but far reaching, that children of elected pols and leaders of both parties must attend public schools through high school will ever gain any traction? Your support, while not anticipated, would be appreciated and welcomed.

Would you care to join me on the steps of the Federal Court House on Broward Boulevard at noon on the 4th of July? I will have 3 bags. One will contain an American flag. One will contain a bible and a torah. One will contain a Koran, or as it is now known, a sacred koran I will shuffle the sealed bags so no one will know which is which. The one picked will be tossed into a roaring fire. Should the fire get out of hand I will have a supply of body fluids nearby to stop its spread.

What could be a better, more ringing affirmation of our freedoms, of rights that are ours “from beyond the stars”, than this? The odds are one in three that only a secular symbol will be destroyed. Thus the need for several dozen WOGs and dervishes to kill each other would be obviated. Modern American Liberals, secular humanists all, would cheer at the 2 chances in 3 that symbols that they hate will be destroyed. Don’t you love it when a plan comes together? Can I count on you being there? If you can’t make it would you send me a gift card from BP – no hard feelings, right? – to get some gas?

It is said that you are “indefatigable”.

So are plankton, MRSA, tsunamis, and jackasses.

Good luck in your new job.

I’ll check in from time to time.







Kevin Smith