December 30, 2013

Isn’t it time to free Sirhan Sirhan? He has been locked up longer than Nelson Mandela. Plus, he only killed one guy. Plus, the WOGs will love us if we give him a bag of goodies to bring home for Ramadimdamdum.
I love Uncle Si but God Bless Phil Robertson.
Speaking of anuses, the complete record of my last colonoscopy is available for a small handling charge. The first sentence, “The probe entered the anus easily”, says it all and it’s downhill from there. For an additional charge a color photo of my bladder is available. Also available for separate P & H are photos of my post auricular malignant tumor and its removal thereof, my transesophogeal ecocardiogram, my left hip replacement, my right hip replacement, my right knee replacement, and coming soon, my left eye surgeries. [These are suitable for framing – autographs are extra]
Speaking of American football, anyone saying “true freshman” or, worse, “the Granddaddy of them all”, should be waterboarded.
Isn’t it time for a new Solyndra? This time give it the money and support it deserves. After all, it’s for the children, isn’t it?
There is a rumor that George Bailey Was flung from the Bayonne Bridge and devoured by the trolls living under it. Will someone from Bayonne please confirm or deny?
How can feral Muslim thugs murder Christians wherever sharia law prevails with Prince Charles being the only public person condemning it? 14 centuries after this bastardized religion of perverted peace, founded by a goat humping paedophile, was foisted upon the world why do we sit idly by when they blow up our buildings and mutilate their women? When was the last time a Muslim man was stoned for adultery?
These are people who have outlawed whistling and balloons. Every time they see a 2500 year old statue of Buddha they blow it up. They think it is their duty to fillet people who draw cartoons that they don’t like. Their solution to teenage girls using nail polish is to pull their finger nails out. And then they cut their G-spots out with the bottom of a Coke bottle.
Damn them. They are a pox on civilization.
Dante, Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Mozart, Beethoven, Madison, Einstein, Edison, the Wright Brothers, Kipling, Bobby Jones, Walt Disney, Rodgers & Hart, Ted Williams, Leslie Groves, Churchill, Kemmons Wilson, Kelly Johnson, Jonas Salk, Orville Redenbacher, Frank Perdue, Neal Armstrong, George Carlin, Norman Bourlag, Grove, Gates, & Jobs …Where and who are the Islamic equivalents?
The answer is simple.
They are nowhere to be found because there aren’t any, there weren’t any, and there won’t be any.
They should be trusted as much as one would trust a pack of rabid wolverines led by a pack of IRS collection agents behind on their seizures.
Too bad Hitler never really knew them.
The only complaint about Curley Biden is that he has raised the bar for being a public horse’s ass so high that it will take decades for a contender to emerge. He has made it impossible for any self-respecting ohmadahn to hold her head high.
The market has spoken! Hackle raising is back!
I will plant hackles fence post to fence post, such is the demand. As always, caution is advised. Do not operate heavy machinery or handle sharp instruments when using hackles for personal consumption.
Also, I will organically cultivate non-genetically modified glutens for personal use. I guarantee that only ca-ca from free range chickens, chickens who have never had hormone shots, chickens who have never smoked, chickens who mate with barbed wire, chickens who have daily rosemary and/or tarragon body rubs, will be used for fertilization. .
Having dug ditches in 3 countries I can assure that the first thing you do when you find out that you are digging in the wrong place is to….stop digging. Honest. Perhaps the kamikaze guardians of ObomboCare should take note.
Speaking of President B.O. will 2014 be the year he stops blaming George Bush for everything, including polar bear drowning, twerking, rising interest rates, teenage obesity, White Hispanic random killings of wanabee 3rd Worlders, the continuing heartbreak of psoriasis, the growing presence of “creepy-assed crackers”, inter alia. Is there no end to the woes that he has caused?
There is one thing he might think about copying however. Both of George Bush’s daughters went to public high school.
It is the last weekend of the regular season NFL. Wherever Pete Rozelle is he is smiling. In addition to every team in the league being eligible for the playoffs a 3 team death match will be held on New Year’s Eve. The Chicago Cardinals, the Los Angeles Rams, and the Baltimore Colts will play until someone dies. The two teams with no mortalities will then play a special wild card game with no referees. The winner will be the last team to come to the scratch line.
Since we are well into a “jobless recovery” might it not be time to bring back Michael Milken? How about giving Ken Langone a free hand for 18 months?
I am declaring war on John Podesta. He is a nasty shit who took a lot of beatings in high school, thus his “snarky” smarminess. I add that he earned all those between classes thumpings. I will kick his ass so hard he will have to take his socks down to take a dump.
Yearend kudos to Hillary R. Clinton
I just found out that when she was named to the board of a struggling, non-organic, Arkansas-based yogurt company the first thing she did was to change its name. It was called The Country’s Almost OK Yogurt of TCAOKY. She made it morph into TCBY, “The Country’s Best Yogurt. Do you think the fact that her husband, Handsome Billy from Hot Springs, was the Governor of Arkansas had anything to do with her getting the job?
Who could have predicted how bad, how evil, how pernicious, how mean spirited, how exploitative of poor folk, [by the dastardly device of lowering prices] and early devoted disciples of Duck Dynasty Wal-Mart would become when she left its Board?
For 8 centuries the Roman Catholic Church has been the home of many Mendicant orders. If it weren’t for the conspicuously consuming 1%ers they would have all starved 800 years ago.
I read this morning of the death of Harold Simmons, a little known Texas billionaire. [Ponder the twists of the phrase “a little known Texas billionaire”] I was able to tally almost $700,000,000 that he gave away as in “Since I like what you do take my money and do with it what you please”. Please refer to the previous paragraph.
It’s OK if you think me a misogynist but all – no exceptions, none – female side line commentators in college and the NFL should be fired. They are universally terrible. When one of them makes a less than imbecilic statement it is wise to remember the great Dr. Johnson who compared a woman preaching to a dog walking on its hind legs. “It is not a question of how well she does it but, rather, why does she do it all.”
The only possible explanation for them being there is that if a man were to ask a coach whose team is getting their collective asses kicked what his favorite color is as he tries to get to the locker room he would get a beating while the chick wouldn’t.
Send them all home with the thanks of a grateful nation. Give them all a copy of Grammy’s great meat loaf recipe. Tell them to practice their ironing skills.
I declare war on John Podesta. As a smarmy bastard he is justifiably proud of his “snarkiness” You can tell that he took a lot of beatings in high school. And, may I add, they were all well deserved. I will kick his ass so hard that he will have to take down his socks to take a dump. Stay tuned. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
Isn’t it time that solipsistic White First-Worlders, all of whom need to have the fuzzy good feeling caused when you help the environment at somebody else’s expense, allowed the licensing of DDT for sub-Saharan African nations? Even if it killed Peregrine falcons, which it did not, 2,000,000 Black babies die each year, every year, from malaria. Listen up Al & Jessie. If that ain’t genocide I don’t know what is. If White babies in Malibu or Short Hills or the upper West side of Manhattan were dying at the same rate C-130 guns ships would spray DDT to a depth of 18 inches every sundown. And, yes, I have seen a non-White infant die from malaria.
I read today of the death of Medal of Honor winner Corporal Rudy Hernandez. Where do we find such men? God willing they will be there when we need them again. And yes, Virginia, we will need them again.
The best NBA team ever was the 1983 Warriors. The best NFL team ever was the 1986 Bears. Was it a coincidence that they both played when the Great Reagan was President? I don’t think so.
Don’t see the new Walter Mitty movie unless the words topakata, topakata, topakata bring a sly grin to your face. [Thinking of you, Fat Jack]
It’s a race to see if my tuchis or cojones will freeze first. So much for that Global Warming clap-trap.
My Texas ladies are growing up far too quickly.


Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET