January 20, 2014
Al Roker
The Today Show
30 Rockefeller Center
New York, New York 10013

RE – Does Global Warming cause people to shit in their pants at the White House? It depends.

Mr. Roker,

I read that you attended Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday party at the White House. I have some questions:

#1 – The invitation said that there would be no food served. Did it also say BYOB?

#2 – I counted 32 names of invitees in the story. 4 were non-Black. Wazzupwidat? If every Black voter in America had voted for her husband he still wouldn’t have been elected President save for the White vote. Don’t you think the guest list should have reflected that? Do you think the goals – not quotas – of Affirmative Action should have been used? I am sure 10 White Redskins could have been used for background photos.

#3 – Did you shit in your pants before the cake or after?

You are a beacon of hope for phantom shitters, America’s next media favored oppressed minority. When you announced – publically and proudly – that you shit in your pants at the White House the last time you were there many Americans felt so much better about themselves. It was a Stonewall moment for far too many of us. Walking taller, admittedly a hard thing to do if your pants are full of shit, was a matter of great pride for us.

Please tell us that you shit in your pants at the White House. If you did you have my thanks and my blessing.

Shit in your hat.
Pull it down over your ears.
You look good in brown.



Kevin Smith