June 22, 2014
Leonard Pitts, Jr.
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Avenue
Miami, FL 33172

RE: 97%? – Some gentle comments on the recently discovered grand unified theory of GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDisruption, the one that meets all the requirements of modern American Liberalism, particularly the one that demands shock, awe, command, and control as put forward by you in today’s Miami Herald.

Mr. Pitts,

Have you turned off your A/C yet?

Alas, even the devil can quote Scripture but it is an inconvenient truth that 45% of the electricity generated in this country comes from burning coal. Half of that electricity is used to power A/Cs.

Would not the Logic of “Think Globally, Act Locally” demand that if you wish to undrown polar bears en route to saving the planet – Gaia demands not just obedience but total submission – you pull the plug?

Just say no.

[It’s another inconvenient truth that no matter what we do the Chinese build a new coal powered plant every 4 days. Can the world wait for the Indians, not the ones who own casinos but the red-dot ones, the folks that Kipling thought so highly of, start to play catch-up ball? Not if you are Tom Steyer, the anti-Koch Brothers Left-Wing billionaire who sells dirty Indonesian and Australian coal to them while condemning the Keystone Pipeline. That terrible odor is the hypocrisy so necessary and so common to modern American Liberals.]

97% is a marvelous grade if you are taking a chemistry exam. Alas, if you are conducting a chemistry exam in a lab it is a failing grade.

A jet pilot who has a 97% landing rate would be wise not to worry about the long term effects of ObamaCare or whether or not Social Security is adequately funded.

Ditto for the people who re-string anything that Stradivarius made or who put the raw ingredients of penicillin into the blender. [Heaven forefend that I slip into pedantry but Deo Gratias for Climate Change absent which Stradivarius would have made yokes, bowls, and croziers. That’s a story for a different time.]







As Chairman of OPOOO – the Order of Perpetually Offended and Outraged Ohmadahns – you must always expand the list of sins and sinners or your pen will run dry at least 97% of the time.

Your goal should be 100% 100% of the time.

100% of the whole world – everybody – believed in Ptolemy, now an almost forgotten DWEM, that’s Dead White European Male for the uninitiated Tea Party knuckle draggers, for 1,500 years. That’s 15 centuries. A millennium and a half. It was settled science that the world was flat until it became unsettled. It was a never ending Summer of Recovery for map makers who had to re-do their product by taking Terra Incognita off the margins of the new ones. Talk about stretching the envelope! Chuck Yeager would have been proud.

A few asides:

1 – You say, to buttress a point, that “Muslims are human”. So was Dracula. So was Hitler. So was Mao. So was Pol Pot. So were Dahmer and Gacy. So what? Now if you were to say that “Muslims are human even though they have been killing Westerners, particularly Western Christians, for 14 centuries without a peep from the more moderate examplars of their humanity” you would be saying something of note.

2 – You mention “rising oceans, routine super storms, hellish droughts” as part of the typical anti-rational HOC POST ERGO PROPTER HOC argument without which the loony Luddites of the American Left could not exist.

Did the Miami Herald sell its beach front property because Biscayne Bay was rising? How was this fact kept from the buyers?

Galveston in 1908, Florida in 1925, and New England in 1937 were ravaged, ravished, and ruined by storms. Did fracking cause these? Did our devotion to plastic cause these disasters?

What or who caused the “hellish drought” of the 1930s? Using the Logic of those quarter-witted half-wits who hector us about excess the prime suspect would be the New Deal. The “Dust Bowl” was nowhere to be seen until the Blue Eagle was flying over Washington. When the second Depression began to end – the curious fact of Boeing going to 3 shifts in its B-17 factory in Wichita in 1938 is like a tooth ache that won’t go away in the economic History of this country – the “hellish drought ended.





If I were to mention Krakatoa or snow in Boston in June, 1816 it would be akin to spiking a baby seal so I won’t.

If you can find out what happened to Ptolemy see if you can find out what happened to Fred Hoyle. He “settled the science” of how the whole shebang came to be just before he went walkabout. See if you can find out which island of “settled science” Antonio Moniz, MD is on. He won the Noble prize for “settling the science” of what to do with less than perfect humans. Margaret Sanger, one of Hitler’s favorite Americans after Joe Kennedy, would have been proud.



From a Proud Global Warmer




Kevin Smith
PS – Last year you wrote that your daughter was going to college where she was going to study English Literature. I wrote to you to ask her if Wordsworth was still on the Chick Lit Shit List. You never got back to me. Also, if I send you my last copy of “The Population Bomb” by Paul Ehrlich, PhD, the book that said in 1969 we would all die either from freezing of starving by the year 2000, would you dispose of it in an environmentally sensitive manner? Remember, the overriding criterion is that it must be good for the children.

PPS – Another day without cashmere and the big problem is deciding whether Italian or Chinese will be for the dinner. There is no one wine for both. Damn those 1% show offs.

PSSS – Watch out for those blinking red lights, particularly those in front of your nose.