January 8, 2015

Mitchell Berger, Esq.
Berger & Singer
350 E. Las Olas Blvd.
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: 2 things, one of which requires a lawyer while the other requires an open mind.

Mr. Berger,

I want to publish all the Mohammed cartoons that the dead Parisians published. I want the ones with him eyeballing the baby goats and the baby girls. All of them; no exceptions. I want them in the Broward Library, in the City Hall, in the County administration building, in the County Courthouse, in the Board of Education HQ. Maybe we could have an art fair on Las Olas. With a few phone calls I am sure we could get Hobby Lobby to do a paint by the numbers class. Chick-fil-A could be persuaded to use them as a substitute for their toilet paper.

What I need is someone who is a champion of free speech – Aren’t modern American Liberals genetically imprinted with this marker? Weren’t they unanimous in their support of tax-payer funded “Corpus Cristi”, a play that says Jesus Christ was crucified because Judas Iscariot, his homosexual lover, felt slighted and gave him up to the Romans? Didn’t they lecture those offended by this theme that this is the price you must pay for living in a secular society? – who is familiar with the political process, particularly in Broward County, and who is a champion in navigating the treacherous shoals of bureaucracy.

I can think of no person better suited to this task than you. Alas, since all my capital is tied up in debt, it must be pro bono on your part.

I impose on you because I know you will have some unbilled time coming up when your firm announces that they will no longer be involved in real estate transactions, be they sale, purchase, lease, zoning adjustments, tax appeals, or any civil and criminal litigation involving any owner, tenant, or creditor, on any property on any body of water, and, to be sure, within sight of same.

Usually, when a successful modern American Liberal serendipitously finds some free time, he celebrates the hugely successful War on Poverty, the successes of Affirmative Action, the marvelous achievements of the public school he sends his children to, the wit and wisdom of Jimmy Carter, the triumphant spirit of Alger Hiss, the accomplishments of Margaret Sanger – except the parts that Hitler used in the Nuremberg Race laws, and speaking of Hitler, trying to air brush out of History, their unqualified support of him from August 22, 1939 to June 21, 1941.

A full plate indeed.

I am not sure how much unbilled time you will have but I have another suggestion.

“The Third Horseman”
Climate Change and the Great Famine of the X1Vth Century
Rosen

&


“Global Crisis”
War, Climate Change & Catastrophe in the XV11th Century
Parker

Both books share a common premise. Both authors look at empirical data and draw conclusions. Alas, their conclusions are that science governed by ideology – Remember Lysenko? – is stupidity morphing into criminality. After more than 50 years of nonsensical, clap trapish folderol, sometimes lapsing into the Professor Irwin Corey School of Research as presented by the Marx Brothers, Mel Brooks, and George Carlin – Rachel Carson has killed more Black babies in Africa than the abortionist butcher bill on Black babies in this country – it is good to be reminded that the scientific method and critical enquiry are enjoying a renascence in Western Civilization.

I hope you will join me on the barricades.


Kevin Smith


PS – Even though the Nebraska Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Keystone Pipeline President B.H. Obama has said he will veto the bill authorizing it. Would I be out of line if I were to ask why he didn’t say this 6 years ago? Shouldn’t the most transparent administration in American History have done this? Decades of experience with card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal politicians and their skillful use of persiflage, particularly obfuscatory persiflage that gives bullshit a new gleam, should have warned me.