July 9, 2015

Daniel Henniger

The Wall Street Journal

1211 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10036

RE: AAARGH! – “Hurricane Sandy” –  A comment or two on your Chris Christie column in today’s Wall Street Journal

Mr. Henniger,

Perhaps “God Holy Trousers” would have been a better way for an ex-Jersey guy – Bayonne, in particular, with sojourns in Sea Bright and Bayhead in the good old summertime – to express my displeasure at your error, your gross error, your turd in the punch bowl error, your error of Homeric size, sure to be included in the next edition of the Guinness Book in re the continuing Dracula- like never dying shibboleth named Hurricane Sandy.

The highest recorded wind speed in the storm was 58 MPH. As an alumnus of Hurrican Carol, Hurricane Dolly, the unnamed storm in 1962, the unnamed storm in 1984, Hurricane Katrina, and Hurricane Wilma I assure you that a 58 MPH is what experienced Fisher Island 24s drivers, a helmsman such as Frank Murphy of late and happy memory, live for.

I hold no brief for Governor Christie but as a calorically challenged Garden Stater – Has anyone looked into the possibilities of the Governor and Hillary competing in the next Dancing with the Stars chapter? The proceeds would go for gastric by-passes for those poor unfortunates who are wider than they are taller who find themselves “unlucky in life’s lottery” but are unable to slip into the ObamaCare tent. These are the Road Warriors who are no longer able to dine at the nearby dumpster because if they get in they can’t get out. How they stay huge is one of life’s mysteries. – who lived for 26 years in West Orange, NJ, a town contiguous to Livingston, Christie’s hometown. I am sure we spent some pleasant times in Seymour’s Luncheonette, Eppes Essen, the Ritz Diner, Livingston Bagel, and the Chinese Restaurant on the Route 10 circle.

Before I wander too far into the word fen patrolled by poltroons and mountebanks such as Noam Chomsky let me advise you to watch your language or risk a luncheon menu limited to a knuckle sandwich…on wry.

Kevin Smith