December 7, 2015

Attorney General Loretta Lynch

Department of Justice

950 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20530-0001

RE: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose…” Take me first, if you dare. Some comments on your promise to prosecute speech that you deem offensive to Muslims.

MS. Lynch,

October the 7^th is a special day for me.

#1 – It’s my birthday.

#2 – In 1571 the Good Guys, the Christian West, gave the Bad Guys, that century’s version of feral Muslim terrorists, a Texas-sized, ergo humongous, ass whupping at a place called Lepanto.

You may remember that they, the forebears of today’s beheaders, crucifiers, rapists, and slavers had promised to “stable their horses in the St. Peter’s Basilica”. [What would be the reaction of POO – Perpetually Offended and Outraged – modern American Liberals if a public figure promised to blanket the silly ass rock that Muslims march around with tons of pork fat while Hava Nagilha was broadcast all over the kingdom?] Talk about inclusiveness!

Let me tell you that I am a highly literate, extremely curmudgeonly, senior citizen who, who while slow of step, is still sharp of mind.

I volunteer to be the first one you come after for speaking truth to power – God’s Holy Trousers but I love saying clap-trap like that! - about a 14 century old Banzai charge against Western Civilization. Devotees of the Trivium know that you erred greatly and grossly when you used the sacred word Rhetoric when you should have used Sophistry. Here’s a hint. Think about the difference between chicken salad and chicken shit. Still confused? Send a SASE. Use the USPS, not Navy Seal Team 6 to deliver the request.

Several years ago I was paid a visit by Detective Joe Kessling, a member of the Broward County Sheriff’s Office because of something I wrote to public official. 

He assured me that I “was not in trouble”. I responded thusly:

“What do you mean I’m ‘not in trouble’? You have a badge

and a fucking gun. What do you mean I’m ‘not in trouble’”?

Shall we break out in a rousing chorus of “Slippery Slopes and Chilling Effects”? How about “free men speak with free tongues”?

My copy of the 1^st Amendment begins with words majestic in their manner, mien and meaning. It was a revolutionary idea then and, alas, now.

“Congress shall make no law…”

I look forward to hearing from you. 

Be advised that I will not “go gently into that good night”.

Kevin Smith]

PS – December the 7^th? A bit ironic, no?  Plus, will you ban the singing of the Marine Hymn?  The part about “to the shores of Tripoli” could be construed as hate speech, there being no Swedish Lutherans there.