December 25, 2015

Chris Cuomo

CNBC-News

Turner TV

Atlanta, Georgia 30303

RE: “Midnight Basketball” anyone?

Mr. Cuomo,

Truth be known, as well it should, and damn the consequences but your family is like herpes. Based on wretched excess it is a gift that keeps on giving.

In my righteous crusade, not yet a jihad, to poleax you for cause I forgot to include the big old rattlesnake at the garden party. It’s the one by the keg just biding his time waiting for an unsuspecting ankle.

Sometimes I overswing at the letter high, off speed piñata from the batting practice pitcher who is anxious to keep his job. In your case I proved that Homer still nods. I forgot.

You are probably too young to remember the 1977 NYC campaign for Mayor. Any intramural modern American Liberal primary turns very quickly into a pissing contest. No quarter asked; no quarter given. “Politics ain’t beanbag” has the edges of its envelope pushed every time louts such as your family enter the public arena. All that prevented the Lord from doing a Curtis LeMay Tokyo fire raid on the modern day Gomorrah was His sense of “mirth”. The cacophony of modern American Liberal farging arseholes herding each other into election booths makes for great theatre. I think Godot was on to something.

Anyway the highlight then and now, 37 years later, was your brother using union printers to make up 6,391 signs that read

VOTE FOR CUOMO AND NOT THE HOMO

Considering the campaigns of 1800, 1828, and 1876, 2 out of 3 of which were run with the only electricity being on the key on Ben Franklin’s kite, it would have been small potatoes, particularly since it bore the fine American  Italianate Liberal hands of Cuomo pere and Cuomo fils.  “Nothing personal Eddie. Strictly business.”

[Let the record show that Paula Deen, she of old time high carbohydrate, grits goes with gelato TV empire confessed that about the same time she used the dreaded “N” word, the word that White people dare not use, {You can use it if you are a Black writing an autobiography or a Shaft wanabee at an NBA game} She was last seen having her once ample ass welded to a Pioneer rocket whose mission was to get to Pluto and settle the planet issue once and for all. Vaya a con Dios, Paula.]

Juvenal first spoke of the conundrum of upsetting speech, of irritating speech, of hateful speech when he said “Quis custodes custodiet”?

Who will guard the custodians?

The opening words of the First Amendment are majestic in their simplicity. “Congress shall make no law…”

Like abortion, there can be no exceptions up to and including 4^th and 5^th trimester vivisections and dismemberments lest the entire structure crumble.

I did some homework on the CUOMO/HOMO brouhaha. In so doing I came across an interview that your brother the Governor gave to NPR on 1/17/14.

“Extreme Conservatives who are right-to-life, pro-assault weapon, 

and anti-gay have no place in New York.

THEY SHOULD LEAVE.”

Nature is kind to animals, young children, and modern American Liberals. She blesses them with short memories. How else to explain gay bashing that would shame snake handling, gun lovin’, climate change deniers being tolerated in the case of the family Cuomo? 

Nat Hentoff wrote a book with the intriguing title “Free Speech for Me but Not for Thee”. It has become a Saul Alinsky-like guide for mALs, AKA “Men without chests”, as they go through life with a conceit so fatal that it stinks and shines in the moonlight. 

They are convinced that they can shine shit and that there is always a clean end to pick up an errant turd.

I hear a distant chant of Viva IL Duce. Deep down all mALs are too comfortable with power. Deep down, and in your family’s case, not so deep down, you are drawn to brown shirts, jack boots, and miniature Kristallnachts or when you said it was OK to call Ed Koch a finnochio. You give the Medicis a bad name.

If you don’t know that Mussolini was the darling of New Deal mALs you should because he was. Look it up.

Kevin Smith

December 23, 2015

Chris Cuomo

CNBC-News

Turner TV

Atlanta, Georgia 30303

RE: The one immutable constant, the one fixed star, about modern American Liberal newsies is that they never let you down. Ever.

Mr. Cuomo,

Once you learn to fake sincerity the rest is easy. All that is needed is a patronizing condescending attitude that morphs at warp speed into a cloying smugness. That’s what makes it oh so ever easy to give you the highest annual award for which public figures are eligible.

You are hereby named

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

EYE-TIE SUBSECTION

TV STRUMPET COVEN CHIEF

Alas, the cash purse that used to accompany this has been canceled. The money now goes to the perpetual patching - Talk about crumbling infrastructure! – of the fragile ozone layer. Also, some help is given to the deconstruction of transgendered, regendered, degendered, ungendered, and my personal favorite, antigendered, obese teens who have been the subject of bullying.

The time and place for the investiture has not been, forgive me, finalized. I am sure that as a modern American Liberal, one steeped, stewed, simmered, and saturated in “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome”, and as such, one incapable of being either embarrassed or insulted you will be there.

A few small things before I go.

I asked your father when he was Governor and your brother as Governor the following question. Needless to say, which is my I must say it, neither deigned to answer it.

I did not know until this AM that you were an attorney. Thus the question takes on a new immediacy.

Some background.

Your father gave a commencement address at Notre Dame University with the topic being abortion.

The gist of it was that while he was opposed to abortion as a Roman Catholic he had no choice but to allow and countenance it as a private citizen holding public office.

I’ll spare you “The Man For All Seasons” dreck about private conscience and public duty. My lips are sealed in re Thoreau admonishing Emerson for not being in jail.

Gandhi eating the salt and the sainted Dalton Trumbo spending time in the pokey are also off limits. MLK, Jr. & the Brothers Berrigan also are verboten. Despite modern American Liberals having a most precious gift, “eclectic indignation”, this one gives them a little agida.

But back to the unanswered question.

I posed the same set of circumstances to your father and brother.

What if Dred Scott, the fugitive slave, had been captured in New York when either your father or brother was the Governor?

 

Damn Madison but the part about each state having to give full faith and credit to the public records of the other states makes it, again forgive me for the irony of the language, Black Letter law.

Would either of them have put his felonious Black ass on the midnight train to Georgia?

In the case of abortion your father and presumptively your brother have said that public duty far outweighs private conscience.

I assume that your father, your brother, and you are opposed to slavery. Would it be safe to assume that your public duty would outweigh your private conscience?

What would they have done if they had been served with a writ of extradition for the return of prisoner Scott?

Would they have sent him back? If not, why not?

Get back to me, por favor.

One almost last thing.

I watched you hectoring a Republican last week about the coarsening of our political culture, about the lack of decorum, the absence of civility, and the “toes on the line” hate speech from candidates who were not wild about Midnight Basketball, who have waited longer for the Summer of Revival than they did for Godot, who are fearful that the unmasking of the heretofore secret cabal of Swedish Lutheran terrorists will take the pressure off the public cabal of Muslim thugs, candidates who are scratching their heads wondering why, after 7 years, neither the cooling of the earth nor the receding of the oceans has taken place, candidates who believe in the Bill of Rights, all 10 of them, guys like that. You know who I mean, right?

Should CNN publish the cartoons depicting the Cruz children as monkeys? What would happen if the Obama girls had been portrayed as monkeys? Isn’t it time for Ted
Turner to show the Mohammed cartoons

It’s tough being a mush brained, meaner than cat shit modern American Liberal but you’re gaining on it.

December 24, 2015

Loretta Lynch – Attorney General

Department of Justice

950 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20530-0001

RE: A post-racial society?

Madame Secretary,

I read this morning in the Dallas Morning News that Dirk Nowitzki of the NBA Dallas Mavericks bypassed Shaquille O’Neal on the all-time scoring list.

Of the top 10 scorers it is my sad duty to report that only one, the aforementioned Nowitzki, is non-Black.

Is that what you mean by “disparate impact”/

Shouldn’t your department begin to recommend that every NBA team has as a goal  at least one short, calorically challenged, game legged White guy, a guy who while he can ball as hard as LeBron James can’t play as well, as the 6^th man?

Get back to me please.

Kevin Smith

December 20, 2015

Senator Maris Sachs

City Hall

100 NW 1^st Street

Delray Beach, FL 33444

RE: A small thing, a thing no bigger than a man’s fist on the horizon, a thing which is about to become a teachable moment, a thing that shows that the line between chicken shit and chicken salad is becoming thinner and less clear.

Senator Sachs,

As a modern American Liberal, one such as you, one approaching the wing-nut, moon-bat choir section of today’s Democratic Party, I call your attention to a teensy weensy factual error in your mini OP-ED in today’s Sun Sentinel.

Of course, and particularly since you are a fire breathing modern American Liberal and are genetically disposed to never let facts interfere with an argument, anyone who believes in Midnight Basketball, cash for Clunkers, Goals, not quotas, and the never starting Summer of Recovery and therefore the never ending Summer of Recovery, must be cut some slack.

You said that FDR said something in 1932 that he actually said in 1933. A small thing, yes, but a big step for the Democratic Party. You may remember, “with advantages”, that Vice President Curley Biden – named  Curley after the smartest Stooge – had him saying it in 1929, and on TV to boot. That alone caused the Brotherhood of Dopey Bastards to pull his union card.

He said “We have nothing to fear but…fear itself”. He said it on March 4, 1933. BTB, he spent most of 1932 promising to balance the budget. He accused President Hoover of financial malfeasance bordering on criminality by using deficit financing.

Honest Injun. You could look it up.

It is owed to the ledger to point out that despite heroic efforts by really smart people the Depression, by any measurable objective standard was worse in 1939 than it was in 1933. A strong case can be made for the unofficial end to the Depression to have begun when Boeing went to 3 shifts at its B-17 plant in Wichita.

Honest Injun. You could look it up.

It would almost be like “piling on” if I were to point out that he was the 3^rd President – Can you believe they were all Democrats? I can – in 48 years to promise American mothers that he “would not send American boys to fight in foreign wars”.

Honest Injun. You could look it up.

One more thing…

In its entirety…

“As the world’s bastion of freedom and democracy,

we must never bow to fear because to do so

 is the antidote of our very liberty.”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

You

Your C.V. says that you are an attorney. 

At some point while you were in law school one of your teachers must have said that words have consequences. [Ideas also but that’s a subject for a different discussion. I am sure you are familiar with Richard Weaver] A mortgage that says the interest rate is around 6% is unacceptable both to the lender and the borrower. Defining something as “almost a felony” is anathema. 

What the Hell does “antidote of our very liberty” mean?

My Webster’s defines antidote thus:

“A remedy to counterattack the effects of poison”

Are you inferring that liberty is poison?

Are you saying that we have too much liberty? Not enough?

Exactly what are you saying?

Kevin Smith

December 20, 2015

Big Stein

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Maybe you should ring Little Stein on this. Topics include History, Rhetoric, and an appreciation for the Absurd. These are things that are alien to modern American Liberals hence the need for a college student’s perspective. I am with my Texas Ladies so forgive the delay, por favor

Big Stein,

Speaking of debates…I stopped watching them in 1964 when Big Boss Johnson who with the exception of his 2 wars – Bismarck had 3 – said “Nosireebob. I ain’t Jack Kennedy and Goldwater ain’t Nixon.” 2 wars? – At least the one in Vietnam stopped. The other one, the one against Poverty, is still being fought. Unsuccessfully, I quickly add.]

I stopped even taking peeks when Ford freed the Poles in 1976.

But back to the 800 pound guerrilla in the room, the one that the GOP doesn’t want to talk about. I suggest that there are several verboten topics at the Democratic debate.

#1 – ISIL or ISIS? You say potato and I say potahto. What the Hell is the difference? Which one is the “contained JV team”?

#2 – Do you think Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, America’s poster girl for distaff Brown Shirted, Jack Booted Fascist thugs, will have her hair straightened from the inside out if Czarina Hillary gets indicted?

#3 – I may be having a senior moment but if Hillary, Bernie, and the other guy  are going to make everything so much better would it be deemed “Hate Speech” if I were to ask who has been in charge since 2009?

#4 – What happened to the trillion dollars – that’s 1,000,000,000,000, I think – that we borrowed from the Chinese to fund “shovel ready” jobs in 2009? Is it acceptable to point out that Hillary Clinton spent her 8 years in the Senate hectoring us about the perils of being in thralldom to meretricious Mandarin money lenders?

#5 – Speaking of debates would Burke/Fox, Webster/Hayne, Webster/Calhoun, or Lincoln/Douglas make it to the arena today? If someone were to shout a Cato-like denunciation of the bad guys would the dreaded Word Police demand he undergo sensitivity training? One of the highlights of the 1964 Civil Rights debate in the Senate was the sight of all heroes of modern American Liberalism, stalwarts such as Senator Ervin, Senator Gore, and Senator Fullbright getting their knickers all knotted trying to keep little Black boys from going to school with little White girls. Thank God for the Republican Senators! Without them none of the 60s Civil Rights legislation would have passed. None of it. Have Little Stein look it up.

#6 – If you really want to drive the audience away try talking about the contingent liabilities of the government pension scheme. It goes without saying, which is why it must be said, that the contingent liabilities are all, each and every one of them, unfunded. Assuming that the Sun Sentinel has a pension scheme, a risky assumption considering the fact that it just emerged from bankruptcy, ask the HR dude or dudette what would happen if their plan was run the same way the government runs Social Security and Medicare. A hat, a very large hat, would soon be passed around to get lawyers and bail money

#7 – The thought of Hillary being indicted and taking the perp walk in time for the 6:00 news would make it a very holly, jolly Christmas indeed.

#8 – That would clear the way for Bernie, the bombastic Bolshie booster who is the secret choice of all believers in the efficacy of Midnight Basketball, right?

#9 – Ask Little Stein if he is familiar with tu quoque. Ask him to explain the difference between Rhetoric and Sophistry.

It’s time to clean my BAR. If you are in Texas there is no sense in having a half-assed assault weapon, is there? If any Muslim terrorists show up with their puny AK-47s I’ll give them a 3^rd eye at 500 yards. If you shoot enough of them you will be able to close GITMO the right way

There will be no one left to put in jail.

                   Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

December 15, 2015

Senator Edward Markey

222 Milliken Blvd - #312

Fall River, MA 02721

RE: 

Senator Markey

Who can forget the August, 1998 press conference given by President Handsome Billy from Hot Springs in the Rose Garden at the White House?

That was the one where he said with an eye for the obvious that it was hot in August in Washington. But then he went a step, a modern American Liberal step, too far. “It’s hot, he said, because of Global Warming. We get Global Warming because of hot days in August in Washington.” Honest to God but that’s what he said.

It’s easy to live without the binding corset of Logic. For 25 centuries Sophists of all stripes have made a good living doing so. They use tautologies, circular reasoning if you will. You can’t use the object to be defined as the definition. 

I was there that day with my extended family. I stood in front of the White House proudly wearing my ball cap with the words RIGHT WING CONSPIRATOR emblazoned on it. 

In one arm I held Caitlin the Fair, my oldest granddaughter, and to show the fugiting of tempus she will shortly be college bound on a scholarship. I raised the other arm, made a fist, and shouted “Come out you son of a bitch with your hands up. We have the place surrounded”. Alas, the grafter in residence did not respond to my righteous claim. So much for speaking truth to power. 

But that’s not why I write.

I watched the Senate hearings on climate change held on 12/8/15, the one where you removed all possibility of you being mistaken for being a man of honor. Prior to it you were always on the short list for one of my year end honors. I had always penciled you as potential 

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

Alas, it is not to be.

After your performance empirical evidence, real evidence, evidence as real as your boot, the evidence of my own eyes forced me to change my mind.

In keeping with tradition of Irish Catholic Senators from Massachusetts – Lurch Kerry and Lard Kennedy spring into sight – you lack the wit, not the desire, not the aspiration, to be smarmy.

Therefore, in my capacity as the Keeper of the Seal of the Great Awards, I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

In your cased I have waived the rules and made you a life member.

Wear your honor proudly. You got it the old fashioned way. You   earned it!

Pop quiz, you boob.

What color is an orange? Can you spell TV? Could you find sand at the beach?

Could you find your ass using both hands? Have you ever gotten lost on a ladder? Have you messed up any 2 car funerals lately?

It’s an open book quiz. Plus, you get 2 life line calls. Use them. No Bell Curve here.

Kevin Smith

PS – “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” and you. Perfect together!

PS – And yes, I am Irish Catholic so spare me the hate speech crap, you twit.

December 15, 2015

Mayor John P. “Jack” Seiler

City Hall

100 North Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “Those words mean exactly what I want them to mean”, I think.

Mr. Mayor,

I looove it when modern American Liberals meet with their foreign counterparts.  Ain’t the loon who runs the British Labour Party something else? Compared to him, Sanders, the bombastic Bolshie bellower, sounds like he works for the Koch Brothers. OK, OK, that’s a bit of a stretch. Anyway, they all sit around holding hands while singing Kumbaya.. They are proof positive of the continuing “triumph of hope over experience”, absent which modern American Liberalism could not exist. They then declare the problem solved and move on to a new one. Maybe it’s time for teenage obese bullying coupled with the heartbreak of psoriasis to get some of the attention it so desperately has earned and deserves.

Watching these feather merchants and mattress testers wolf down the organic foie de gras, munch down the non-Israeli escargots, do a Houdini on magnums of Talbot ’79 while using an off year Carton Charlemagne for white wine spritzers while solving the problems of drowning polar bears and disappearing water front properties makes me happy that the word “bullshit” has not yet been proscribed by the Nazi wanabee  Word Police. A week of gargling Centaur Royale and having Chateau Y’quem hot tub sessions and I would vote for thermonuclear destruction just to get a double cheeseburger and some Celebration Ale.

I listened to the overly hirsute Secretary of State, Jay Forbes Kerry, as he wet his britches when he proclaimed that the world was saved from itself – Thanks, Pogo – by bypassing Congress.

Kerry is 72 years old. Men that old shouldn’t have hair like that. It looks like it was Gorilla Glued on. Do you suppose his wife, Tereza, the mad cap Gypsy lady whose great grandfather and Obama’s great great grandfather were partners in the transportation business had a hand in it? The business was like an 18^th century Uber but they couldn’t make a go of it because they couldn’t solve the deadheading problem. It was the business that Newton and Wilberforce worked to end.

But that’s not why I write.

GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDestruction weighs heavily on you. I am sure you have taken steps to prepare for the humongous loss of revenue when the tax flow from beachfront and waterfront property stops because a 26 foot wall of water – the dreaded but inevitable “Big One” – hits it.

The only thing that will stop “it” is when it tries to run over an Indian casino. Nothing contrived by devilish White men, except $, gets a leg over on them.

I don’t know what % of our budget is covered by those taxes but, believe me, there are not enough Mandarin moneylenders, the ones that Hillary Clinton hectored us on for all the time she was in the Senate, to bail us out. Bail in both the literal and figurative sense, of course.

What contingency plans have you made?

Can mere citizens, many of whom are proud Global Warmers, see them?

Do you think, as a deeply compassionate modern American Liberal, that the city should warn all potential property owners that they are doomed because of rising sea levels? Noah better go to 3 shifts. We warn people of the dangers of tobacco and alcohol. Why not this?

Kevin Smith

PS – What’s with the 2 names? John “Jack” is shorthand for what? It’s OK to like NASCAR. Come out of the closet even though your blue collars are probably from Brooks Brothers. Maybe you want to compete with Jimmy John’s. If you don’t, people may think you don’t know Jack shit. Also, I can’t get the box score on the Paris climate conference. What exactly did Paraguay, Kafiristan, Mali, and Brunei do? We know that they ate and drank like they were going to chair at midnight. Apparently their “Horizontal Tango Dance Card” was filled to Guinness Book proportions with special mention of the “bearded clam”, the universal symbol of pieceful relations. Get back to me, OK?

December 13, 2015

Paul Owers

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: Headline of the Year awards short list.

Mr Owers,

I am pleased to announce that you have made it to the finals of the Headline of the Year award.

“Housing Limited by Shortage of Land”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

You

It impressed the judges on many levels. Expect stiff competition from

“Skiing Hampered by lack of Snow”

and 

“Malaria Hampered by Lack of Mosquitoes”

The paradigmatic templates still set the standard to which all headline writers aspire.  

“Headless Body in Topless Bar”

“Liz Wants Dick”

& 

“John Garfield Still Dead”

Will they be topped? Quien Sabe?

Good luck. Alas, there is no cash prize.

Kevin Smith

December 13, 2015

Mayor Jack Seiler

City Hall

100 North Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: In the name of Professor Irwin Corey, who the Hell writes your stuff?

Mr. Mayor,

This morning, in the unlinkable Sun Sentinel, your mug and by-line appear in the mini-op ed section. I cannot rule out the possibility that someone has either stolen your identity or is playing a practical joke on you. 

Among the more memorable lines attributed to you are the following:

“…install check valves to reduce tidal flooding…”

If “check valves” indeed do reduce “total flooding” could you tell me where the water goes? Even a hard core Broward County modern American Liberal wouldn’t, couldn’t, be so Homerically dumb as to pump it back into the ocean, right? If you pump it into the Intracoastal are you required to file an Environmental Impact statement? If so, have you? Are copies available or does the Hillary Clinton rule of producing communications apply?

“…and collaborating with regional partners to build community resilience”

God’s Holy Trousers but who writes such wing-nut clap trap balderdash?

Are we privy to a shotgun wedding between Alice in Wonderland and George Orwell? 

There is something lower case Fascistic about “build[ing] community resilience”. Against what or, better, against whom?

You should have written press releases for the moonbat gaggle of horses’ asses gathered in Paris who said the best way to stop CO2 emissions is to outlaw exhaling.

In keeping with the Season, “I’ll retire to Bedlam”

Kevin Smith

PS – Have you turned off the A/Cs at City Hall yet?

December 12, 2015

Tom Fiedler – Dean

College of Communication

Boston University

640 Commonwealth Avenue

Boston, MA 02215

RE: I’m not Andrea Bocelli but it’s “Time to Say Goodbye”.

Dear Tom,

Who better than you to be the first to know?

The second day I was in Florida, October 16, 1996, I began the quotidian habit of buying at least 6 newspapers. The Miami Herald, the Sun Sentinel, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and USA Today.

Realizing that I was in a “target-rich environment” I began the habit of skewering both politicians and pundits, be they local or national. Since they were obsessed with fallacy and since they were devoted to wing-nut modern American Liberalism – as if there were any other kind – and since they reveled in “non-malodorous fecal matter syndrome” it shortly became my “happy time”.

I must add that you became an early and frequent target. When you were not on the receiving end of my balistas for a few weeks you sent me a note asking if you had written something right, even if by accident.

I was completely and permanently defanged.

But that’s not why I write.

I am now down to 2 papers a week, the Saturday Wall Street Journal and the Sunday Sun Sentinel.

The Saturday Wall Street Journal is the best newspaper in America. Its 4 sections are filled with things both objective and subjective. Business and culture are both poked in the arena. I read the Sunday Sun Sentinel to see if I am in the obits. If not, I go about my day’s work. Raising hackles and trapping for baby manatees is demanding work.

I left the daily newspapers because there was rapidly diminishing value. Restaurants are only expensive if the high price does not deliver what it promised. I told you some time ago that all newspapers were getting “thin”. There was no “there” there. Ideology did not matter. If anything, sloppy thinking, an aversion to Logic, a belief in gravity defying devices, “eclectic indignation”, and overall smarminess were motivating factors for me.

My use of the word “unlinkable”, a word that my Spell Check does not recognize, speaks to the “value” observation. When I try to link an article or an opinion column I am told that ci can’t do this because I am not a digital subscriber. Pray tell but why should I have to buy the same paper twice?

Am I alone in this?

I have a clear memory of my father reading the 2 Arthurs – Krock and Daley – to me on Sunday.

Should you have any really bright students who want to observe the autopsy of a literate curmudgeon who once had ink stained fingers I will make myself available for their perusal.

Kevin Smith

Board Certified Life Coach

Proud Global Warmer

December 7, 2015

Attorney General Loretta Lynch

Department of Justice

950 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20530-0001

RE: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose…” Take me first, if you dare. Some comments on your promise to prosecute speech that you deem offensive to Muslims.

MS. Lynch,

October the 7^th is a special day for me.

#1 – It’s my birthday.

#2 – In 1571 the Good Guys, the Christian West, gave the Bad Guys, that century’s version of feral Muslim terrorists, a Texas-sized, ergo humongous, ass whupping at a place called Lepanto.

You may remember that they, the forebears of today’s beheaders, crucifiers, rapists, and slavers had promised to “stable their horses in the St. Peter’s Basilica”. [What would be the reaction of POO – Perpetually Offended and Outraged – modern American Liberals if a public figure promised to blanket the silly ass rock that Muslims march around with tons of pork fat while Hava Nagilha was broadcast all over the kingdom?] Talk about inclusiveness!

Let me tell you that I am a highly literate, extremely curmudgeonly, senior citizen who, who while slow of step, is still sharp of mind.

I volunteer to be the first one you come after for speaking truth to power – God’s Holy Trousers but I love saying clap-trap like that! - about a 14 century old Banzai charge against Western Civilization. Devotees of the Trivium know that you erred greatly and grossly when you used the sacred word Rhetoric when you should have used Sophistry. Here’s a hint. Think about the difference between chicken salad and chicken shit. Still confused? Send a SASE. Use the USPS, not Navy Seal Team 6 to deliver the request.

Several years ago I was paid a visit by Detective Joe Kessling, a member of the Broward County Sheriff’s Office because of something I wrote to public official. 

He assured me that I “was not in trouble”. I responded thusly:

“What do you mean I’m ‘not in trouble’? You have a badge

and a fucking gun. What do you mean I’m ‘not in trouble’”?

Shall we break out in a rousing chorus of “Slippery Slopes and Chilling Effects”? How about “free men speak with free tongues”?

My copy of the 1^st Amendment begins with words majestic in their manner, mien and meaning. It was a revolutionary idea then and, alas, now.

“Congress shall make no law…”

I look forward to hearing from you. 

Be advised that I will not “go gently into that good night”.

Kevin Smith]

PS – December the 7^th? A bit ironic, no?  Plus, will you ban the singing of the Marine Hymn?  The part about “to the shores of Tripoli” could be construed as hate speech, there being no Swedish Lutherans there. 

December 6, 2015

Gary Stein

The Sun Sentinel

RE: Are you on the road to Damascus? Some comments on your unlinkable column on education and why maybe, just maybe, Big Brother, be he in Tallahassee or Washington, may not know best.

Big Stein, 

First, non-denominational kudos to Little Stein for following his Muse. I suppose a nod to you and his mother, Boss Stein, for providing him with the background music, as Plato said, “to act nobly”, is in order.

Your column about why a top-down, ukase and fiat laden, frozen education structure may not be the best way to teach Johnny to read – Let me quickly add Juanita and Jamal to the lest if only to keep the dreaded PC Word police from my door – suggests a growing discomfort with some of the doublehelixed tenets of the Church of Modern American Liberalism, be it reform or conservative.

Your column a few weeks back, the one that sang the praises of Uber Cabs versus the Yellow Cab monopoly, indicates a stirring in your soul against the dead hand of bureaucracy. 

If anything defines modern American Liberalism it is their singular devotion to the well-intended bureaucrats who only want to help the common man.

Would you hold it against me if I were to suggest a quick look – Scratch “quick”. Quick and bureaucracy cannot appear in the same sentence. Ever. – at the Post Office, the Department of Motor Vehicles, the IRS, the VA, and now, Obamacare? It is risk I take willingly. Can you see where I’m going here?

Today’s column suggests that a menu of calculus and inorganic chemistry may not be best for all students.

If I had a child with an interest in and an aptitude for music I would have Damn well kept him away from a double portion of algorithms. Of course, an exception for Bach would have to be carved out. Ask Little Stein.

I have 2 children, each of whom has 2 degrees; they have held professional licenses in 5 states. When they began looking seriously at colleges I told them that with the exception of accounting Daddy was not going to pay for any undergraduate courses in business. Further, the MBA is an honorable degree made better by an undergraduate degree in History or, quien sabe, Music.

You may be taking a cue from Dante when he wrote the first line of La Commedia.

“Halfway through my journey I found myself in the dark wood of error.”

Once you get knocked off the horse, a la Saul of Tarsus, it is deuced difficult to get back on.

I am much in favor of vouchers in education, particularly for the children of tenants of public housing.

Do you care to comment on why the Obamas, temporary occupants of the largest publicly owned single family house in America, spend about $120,000 on tuition for their daughters? They could walk to any of the really fine public schools in the Washington. I say “really fine” because we are told by the elders of the educational complex that more money means better schools. Nobody anywhere spends more money per pupil than Washington, DC. If the schools are so good why are the President’s daughters not enrolled in them?

I suppose only a true modern American Liberal can believe that while all students are equal some students are more equal than others. I was head of the Irish-Catholic Search patrol. We labored in vain to find evidence of any of the Kennedy whelps ever spending a day in a public grammar school or high school. No sense being just a rat bastard when you can be a smarmy one to boot. 

Perhaps a weekend with Milton Friedman may be the starting purgative you need.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET 

PS – It may be a whiff of senescence but I have a dim memory of President-elect Obama telling us 8 years ago that he would “cool the earth and calm the seas”. He may be on to something with the former but as to the latter what in the name of Neptune are fish doing in the streets of Miami Beach. Out of respect for Henny Youngman please don’t tell me the backstroke.