Congresschickie Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

May 24, 2008

Congresschickie Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

10100 Pembroke Pines Boulevard

Pembroke Pines, Florida

RE: You go, girl! Right to the front row!

Congresschickie Wasserman-Schultz,

“I can’t say that there is evidence that you are

manipulating the price, but I believe you are.

So prove to me that you are not.”

I once thought that, despite public opposition to the law governing gravity and public obeisance to things that should make adults weep in shame, things that modern American Liberals must do to become card carrying lodge members, you were one of the smart ones. As the poster girl, the paradigmatic template if you will, for modern American Liberalism you must say things like “Midnight Basketball” would have worked if only enough money was spent on it and good, caring people ran it. The legendary single mom, a woman of color, a woman with teens on the verge of feraldom, teens in need of a good Ritalin program, would surely have benefited from it. And, of course, mention must always be made of how she and they are hurt by the low prices that WAL*MART offers.

I was wrong.

Just for saying the above and not wetting your pants you win the first award.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

[MARE DIVISION]

It seems like only yesterday that you sent FDLE [Florida Department of Law Enforcement] Agents to my house because you didn’t like something I said. The date was September 18, 2001. There are many reasons for remembering that date. The one that sticks in my mind is that two men - Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva – men with badges and guns asked me about stuff that I had said and written. Badges and guns. Perfect together.

It was a classic good cop/bad cop routine. I am thankful that Abu Ghraib, Camp Gitmo, and water boarding had not yet entered our vocabulary.

I mentioned to the Word Police that your CV said that you had two degrees, including a Master’s Degree, in Political Science. Maybe they should investigate you for fraud. How you could claim to have studied Political Science and not have even heard of the last 25 centuries is beyond me. Maybe when you were in school Political Science consisted of weeping over the Hollywood Ten, keening at the raw deal the Rosenbergs got, praising Senator McCarthy [Eugene of Minnesota, not Joseph of Wisconsin], rooting for Lillian Hellman and taking up the cudgels for Alger Hiss. Absolutely missing from the syllabus was any mention of the first five words of the First Amendment of the Constitution. Since you still aren’t familiar with them I’ll share them with you.

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…

I’ll write slowly. See if you can follow me. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Our Constitution is part of a chain, a chain with strong links, a chain whose forging was begun 25 centuries ago. Someone back then said, “Free men speak with free tongues”. The only hint I’ll give you as to who said it is this: He was a combat veteran who participated in a very successful “surge” against bad men from the Middle East who meant to do our Civilization grievous harm.

Having no, none, zero as in zip, nada, knowledge of what happened in the Mediterranean 25 centuries ago doesn’t make you a fool. I wonder, however, since it is too late for literacy tests for voters, if we can begin them for proposed legislators? In your instance there is a booby prize. Because of your manifest ignorance of the things that make up our way of life – Obviously it is an imperfect way of life in that it allows boodling knaves such as you to prosper – you qualify for the second leg of my Triple Crown. I hereby name you

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

It comes from the fact that although you nothing of the origins of Political Science you know even less of the Trivium. I refer only to Logic. I am intentionally leaving out Grammar and Rhetoric lest I completely fill your plate and, thus, overwhelm you.

I further assume that you know nothing of critical inquiry and reasoned discourse. As a modern American Liberal how could you?

How can a negative be disproved?

“Ignorance, madam, sheer ignorance”, was good enough for Doctor Johnson responding to another “unidea’d girl”. Who am I to try to top him?

I took your quote from an article by Mark Steyn. Gilding lilies is as easy as filling inside straights so I shan’t. Still, there is a little voice that I keep hearing that tells me that you think that umbrellas cause rain.

I believe that Steyn’s litotes-style hint that you have “biblical knowledge of barnyard animals” – and how could he know of your starry eyed attraction to aging greyhounds? – is a bit over the top. On the other hand, if you do, I would hope that for cultural reasons, it would be with Elsie the Cow or Ferdinand the Bull rather than with Porky Pig.

That you have won the first two legs of my much desired Triple Crown of lunacy I hereby waive the rules concerning the last leg. I name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

“A decent respect for the opinions of mankind” compels me to explain why you have run the board. It has nothing to do with OPEC, the price of gasoline, evil oil companies, teenage obesity, or how we can tax our way to prosperity.

Curiosity compels me to ask why, if a one dollar a gallon Federal tax on gasoline would be a good thing, why isn’t a one dollar a gallon non-tax increase a good thing also? Would I be too wrong in thinking that in your universe it is better for the government to have the dollar rather than its citizens?

You are this year’s newest SMARMY BASTARD for one reason. For 12 years you have carped and caterwauled that more money equals better schools. Better schools equal better students. Better students equal a better world. There is irony that a better world would probably cause you to be unemployed but we’ll leave that alone for the nonce.

I have one question.

What school district are your children enrolled in?

Is it the really fine district of Washington, DC where per pupil expenditure approaches $25,000? That’s each student each year. There is no record of that number ever going down.

Are they enrolled in the equally fine Broward County school district? Down here there is an osmotic accounting relationship between capital and expense items. The exact number is a moveable feast but it is huge and growing. One thing for certain is that we are blessed with myriad ‘diversity experts’ and we know how they help the FCAT scores.

Do they go to public school in Washington or in Broward?

I am not asking which grammar school. I am asking whether it is private or public.

If it is Washington will they be attending Anacostia High School or Eastern High School? If it is Broward County will they be attending Dillard High School or Boyd Anderson High School?

Maybe Hillary Clinton or Thumper Gore can give you some hints on cake sales and car pooling.

Mark Steyn uses a line from C.S. Lewis – “men without chests” – to describe modern American Liberal mind sets. I fear if I introduce you to more of his 20^th Century thought I’ll cause your unique hair to straighten a la Don King.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

A veritable Wormwood in training!

I’ll go a step beyond.

You are Aunt Screwtape.