Congresswoman Maxine Waters

May 26, 2008

Congresswoman Maxine Waters

10124 South Broadway #1

Los Angeles, California 90003

RE: A TV performance worthy of the ages!

Congresswoman Waters,

One good thing came out of your nationally televised hectoring Jeremiad of oil company executives. An Affirmative Action program, one replete with quotas, goals, set asides, monitors, winks & nods coupled with the belief that rainbow soup is so very, very good for you in the Herculean task for racial equity in the much desired heretofore White winners only HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK is not needed.

Last week I watched Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz make a fool of herself on national TV. Although she claims to have multiple degrees she talked as if she couldn’t find her ass using both her hands. Her premises were so dumb that it made my hair hurt. Congresswoman Debbie the Putzette came by her award the old fashioned way. She earned it. So did you. Accordingly, I name you HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.

In fact, after the tape is reviewed you may be in for more accolades. The word you looked for an couldn’t find, the word that the Mars Explorer is on the look out for, the word that you used to hammer those poor oil company executives was “nationalize” as in “Things are so bad we’ll have the Government take over because we all know how good they are in getting good things done”.

If the rising price of oil and gasoline causes you to suggest that the Post Office and the Motor Vehicle Department, both paragons of efficiency, take them over what you would you do with America’s farms? Rice and corn have doubled in price. Should the IRS run them? America’s automobile industry is in trouble. How about we have the soon to be unemployed oil company executives take them over? Their experience in raising the price of oil and gas products can surely be used to clean out the inventory of unsold cars. Raising the price of anything unsold has always been away to generate sales, hasn’t it?

Your web site says that you were a teacher. Perhaps you were a contributing member of TIAA-CREF or CALPERS. They are, of course, retirement funds for teachers and public officials. I daresay their combined assets exceed a trillion dollars. When it’s written out it seems a lot bigger. $1,000,000,000,000. They own huge amounts of oil company stocks. As a strictly moral issue you would have no choice but to divest yourself of any continuing ownership of these companies. Further, you must introduce legislation forbidding any retirement vehicle holding funds for public employees from ever owning any of those stocks.

Here’s a thought.

Make them sell the stocks right now.

Give the money to the FHA so they can solve the housing crisis. Maybe FEMA could get some money. Put them in charge of a revitalized Head Start Program. Perhaps it is time to fund “Midnight Basketball” correctly. That was great idea. Alas, it never got the shot it deserved.

It was a long time ago but I want to reward you for inventing one of the great phrases of modern America. Was it 15 or 16 years that some of your constituents in south Central Los Angeles were caught on TV looting. This was beyond the normal amount of “five finger discounting” for which they are famed. I heard you describe a 7-11 being stripped bare of beer, stereos, Kools, inter alia, as if piranhas were upon a lost lamb as “alternative shopping”. Who says language arts are dead?

So impressive are your achievements that I am going to jump you two grades.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY FART OF THE YEAR

That you got them the old fashioned way, by individual effort, makes them worth all the more. Congratulations!