Mitch Ceasar, Broward County Democratic Party

May 13, 2008

Mitch Ceasar

Broward County Democrat Party

1824 North University Drive

Plantation, Florida 33325

RE: “Why can’t we all just get along”?

“Jewish voters will sit shiva for a couple of weeks

and then their Democratic DNA will kick in and

they’ll be enthusiastic supporters of the nominee.”

The Los Angeles Times

The Miami Herald

You

Ave Ceasar!

OK! OK! I’m not Jewish but the guy who founded my Church was. Besides, I’ve been to a few shivas.

Here’s my plan.

Hillary will give a graceful concession speech when someone puts a wooden stake into her heart, empties a Glock 40 filled with silver bullets into her nose, AND seals her in a septic tank filled with holy water.

Even then we can’t be sure.

Surround the crypt with powerful generators emulating the sun. Each one of these will have the carbon footprint of a B-52. Operate them around the clock. Forever.

On the off chance that she will just go away you have to be ready to bring Senator B. Hussein Obama, or as Tosspot Ted, the senior Senator from Massachusetts calls him, Osama Bahama Salama Yomama, to Broward County.

You may wish to consult with the charming, Brillo haired, champion of public schools, Congressperson Debbie-Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, about “ethnic groups that Democrats always do well with”.

I’ll break the modern American Liberal code of omerta and take a wild guess and announce that these “ethnic groups” are Jews and Blacks.

You have a tough row to hoe.

Imagine you’re having a glass tea with a grizzled 88 year old named Mordechai. The tattoo on his forearm has almost faded away. Almost.

“Mitch, boychik, so what if the phone does ring at 3:00AM in the White House? What if it’s the Israeli Prime Minister calling? Who do want answering it? A friend of Farakhan?”

Sammy Davis is still dead. He would have been a great bridge between Jews and Blacks. Dead is dead, as in todt, as in forever. I suggest an alternative.

Fly Senator B. Hussein O., and the charming Missus Michelle – she’d be a show stopper at one of those condo confabs, don’t you think? – into the Fort Lauderdale Airport.

We both know that Broward County, the paradigmatic template [My G-d! The “paradigmatic template”! This from a language that has given us Shakespeare, Johnson, Kipling, and Yeats. Shame on us.] of modern American Liberalism, a county so in the tank for the Democrats that it makes me forget my ancestral home of Hudson County, New Jersey, a county that tried for 5 years to give a hotel to a Black man who didn’t have the sense to say Yes, a county where the Sheriff who wanted to be King, and wasn’t even a stand up guy, went to prison, a county where even hot stoves are not safe from the professional grifters who make up government, a county where the only way a Republican could get on the County Commission was when a Democrat went to prison so that a Republican Governor could appoint him, a county that would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his ‘progressive’ views on abortion, a county soon to approve manatee suffrage – Jeezus Haitch Keerist and I can say that because I’m Roman Catholic – needs to reach out to help welcome…what’s the word I’m looking for?...I know…schwartza…that’s it, isn’t it?

Since Sammy Davis cannot greet Senator B.O. at the airport. Why not have some Al Jolson impersonators say hello. Get them all done up in Black face. Of course they are singing “Mammy”. Mel Brooks can choreograph it. Jew and Black together again.

Maybe Debbie the Whiner can get the marching band from one those “ethnically concentrated” high schools, the ones with no Jews and all Blacks, Boyd Anderson and Dillard come to mind, and they can serenade him with a hip-hop rap version of Hava Negila?

How about trying to get Pastor Wright to be the last one in the minyan at one of the serious shuls? Pastor Wright in a Lubavitcher temple! The mind boggles. Pastrami on white toast with extra mayo. Pulled pork and hammentaschen. Saturday Night Specials and driedels. Left brain, right brain. Olivay. Our lips to God’s ears. Talk about culture shock. Call the Guinness Book of Records. A kumbaya moment of Biblical proportions is upon us.

Senator B.O. wants to talk to the head WOG in Syria, North Korea, Iraq, Venezuela, South Central Los Angeles, Cuba, Zimbabwe, Liberty City, the Gaza Strip, Burma, and the 9^th ward of New Orleans.

Everybody except Fox News.

Broward County should be a day at the beach for him

I love it when a plan comes together.

K S

PS – I began with the salutation Ave Ceasar! The next line is Nos moritui salutamus te. If you need a translation send a SASE.