Congresswoman Maxine Waters

May 26, 2008

Congresswoman Maxine Waters

10124 South Broadway #1

Los Angeles, California 90003

RE: A TV performance worthy of the ages!

Congresswoman Waters,

One good thing came out of your nationally televised hectoring Jeremiad of oil company executives. An Affirmative Action program, one replete with quotas, goals, set asides, monitors, winks & nods coupled with the belief that rainbow soup is so very, very good for you in the Herculean task for racial equity in the much desired heretofore White winners only HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK is not needed.

Last week I watched Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz make a fool of herself on national TV. Although she claims to have multiple degrees she talked as if she couldn’t find her ass using both her hands. Her premises were so dumb that it made my hair hurt. Congresswoman Debbie the Putzette came by her award the old fashioned way. She earned it. So did you. Accordingly, I name you HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK.

In fact, after the tape is reviewed you may be in for more accolades. The word you looked for an couldn’t find, the word that the Mars Explorer is on the look out for, the word that you used to hammer those poor oil company executives was “nationalize” as in “Things are so bad we’ll have the Government take over because we all know how good they are in getting good things done”.

If the rising price of oil and gasoline causes you to suggest that the Post Office and the Motor Vehicle Department, both paragons of efficiency, take them over what you would you do with America’s farms? Rice and corn have doubled in price. Should the IRS run them? America’s automobile industry is in trouble. How about we have the soon to be unemployed oil company executives take them over? Their experience in raising the price of oil and gas products can surely be used to clean out the inventory of unsold cars. Raising the price of anything unsold has always been away to generate sales, hasn’t it?

Your web site says that you were a teacher. Perhaps you were a contributing member of TIAA-CREF or CALPERS. They are, of course, retirement funds for teachers and public officials. I daresay their combined assets exceed a trillion dollars. When it’s written out it seems a lot bigger. $1,000,000,000,000. They own huge amounts of oil company stocks. As a strictly moral issue you would have no choice but to divest yourself of any continuing ownership of these companies. Further, you must introduce legislation forbidding any retirement vehicle holding funds for public employees from ever owning any of those stocks.

Here’s a thought.

Make them sell the stocks right now.

Give the money to the FHA so they can solve the housing crisis. Maybe FEMA could get some money. Put them in charge of a revitalized Head Start Program. Perhaps it is time to fund “Midnight Basketball” correctly. That was great idea. Alas, it never got the shot it deserved.

It was a long time ago but I want to reward you for inventing one of the great phrases of modern America. Was it 15 or 16 years that some of your constituents in south Central Los Angeles were caught on TV looting. This was beyond the normal amount of “five finger discounting” for which they are famed. I heard you describe a 7-11 being stripped bare of beer, stereos, Kools, inter alia, as if piranhas were upon a lost lamb as “alternative shopping”. Who says language arts are dead?

So impressive are your achievements that I am going to jump you two grades.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY FART OF THE YEAR

That you got them the old fashioned way, by individual effort, makes them worth all the more. Congratulations!

Congresschickie Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

May 24, 2008

Congresschickie Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

10100 Pembroke Pines Boulevard

Pembroke Pines, Florida

RE: You go, girl! Right to the front row!

Congresschickie Wasserman-Schultz,

“I can’t say that there is evidence that you are

manipulating the price, but I believe you are.

So prove to me that you are not.”

I once thought that, despite public opposition to the law governing gravity and public obeisance to things that should make adults weep in shame, things that modern American Liberals must do to become card carrying lodge members, you were one of the smart ones. As the poster girl, the paradigmatic template if you will, for modern American Liberalism you must say things like “Midnight Basketball” would have worked if only enough money was spent on it and good, caring people ran it. The legendary single mom, a woman of color, a woman with teens on the verge of feraldom, teens in need of a good Ritalin program, would surely have benefited from it. And, of course, mention must always be made of how she and they are hurt by the low prices that WAL*MART offers.

I was wrong.

Just for saying the above and not wetting your pants you win the first award.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

[MARE DIVISION]

It seems like only yesterday that you sent FDLE [Florida Department of Law Enforcement] Agents to my house because you didn’t like something I said. The date was September 18, 2001. There are many reasons for remembering that date. The one that sticks in my mind is that two men - Agent Thomas and Agent Mineva – men with badges and guns asked me about stuff that I had said and written. Badges and guns. Perfect together.

It was a classic good cop/bad cop routine. I am thankful that Abu Ghraib, Camp Gitmo, and water boarding had not yet entered our vocabulary.

I mentioned to the Word Police that your CV said that you had two degrees, including a Master’s Degree, in Political Science. Maybe they should investigate you for fraud. How you could claim to have studied Political Science and not have even heard of the last 25 centuries is beyond me. Maybe when you were in school Political Science consisted of weeping over the Hollywood Ten, keening at the raw deal the Rosenbergs got, praising Senator McCarthy [Eugene of Minnesota, not Joseph of Wisconsin], rooting for Lillian Hellman and taking up the cudgels for Alger Hiss. Absolutely missing from the syllabus was any mention of the first five words of the First Amendment of the Constitution. Since you still aren’t familiar with them I’ll share them with you.

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW…

I’ll write slowly. See if you can follow me. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Our Constitution is part of a chain, a chain with strong links, a chain whose forging was begun 25 centuries ago. Someone back then said, “Free men speak with free tongues”. The only hint I’ll give you as to who said it is this: He was a combat veteran who participated in a very successful “surge” against bad men from the Middle East who meant to do our Civilization grievous harm.

Having no, none, zero as in zip, nada, knowledge of what happened in the Mediterranean 25 centuries ago doesn’t make you a fool. I wonder, however, since it is too late for literacy tests for voters, if we can begin them for proposed legislators? In your instance there is a booby prize. Because of your manifest ignorance of the things that make up our way of life – Obviously it is an imperfect way of life in that it allows boodling knaves such as you to prosper – you qualify for the second leg of my Triple Crown. I hereby name you

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

It comes from the fact that although you nothing of the origins of Political Science you know even less of the Trivium. I refer only to Logic. I am intentionally leaving out Grammar and Rhetoric lest I completely fill your plate and, thus, overwhelm you.

I further assume that you know nothing of critical inquiry and reasoned discourse. As a modern American Liberal how could you?

How can a negative be disproved?

“Ignorance, madam, sheer ignorance”, was good enough for Doctor Johnson responding to another “unidea’d girl”. Who am I to try to top him?

I took your quote from an article by Mark Steyn. Gilding lilies is as easy as filling inside straights so I shan’t. Still, there is a little voice that I keep hearing that tells me that you think that umbrellas cause rain.

I believe that Steyn’s litotes-style hint that you have “biblical knowledge of barnyard animals” – and how could he know of your starry eyed attraction to aging greyhounds? – is a bit over the top. On the other hand, if you do, I would hope that for cultural reasons, it would be with Elsie the Cow or Ferdinand the Bull rather than with Porky Pig.

That you have won the first two legs of my much desired Triple Crown of lunacy I hereby waive the rules concerning the last leg. I name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

“A decent respect for the opinions of mankind” compels me to explain why you have run the board. It has nothing to do with OPEC, the price of gasoline, evil oil companies, teenage obesity, or how we can tax our way to prosperity.

Curiosity compels me to ask why, if a one dollar a gallon Federal tax on gasoline would be a good thing, why isn’t a one dollar a gallon non-tax increase a good thing also? Would I be too wrong in thinking that in your universe it is better for the government to have the dollar rather than its citizens?

You are this year’s newest SMARMY BASTARD for one reason. For 12 years you have carped and caterwauled that more money equals better schools. Better schools equal better students. Better students equal a better world. There is irony that a better world would probably cause you to be unemployed but we’ll leave that alone for the nonce.

I have one question.

What school district are your children enrolled in?

Is it the really fine district of Washington, DC where per pupil expenditure approaches $25,000? That’s each student each year. There is no record of that number ever going down.

Are they enrolled in the equally fine Broward County school district? Down here there is an osmotic accounting relationship between capital and expense items. The exact number is a moveable feast but it is huge and growing. One thing for certain is that we are blessed with myriad ‘diversity experts’ and we know how they help the FCAT scores.

Do they go to public school in Washington or in Broward?

I am not asking which grammar school. I am asking whether it is private or public.

If it is Washington will they be attending Anacostia High School or Eastern High School? If it is Broward County will they be attending Dillard High School or Boyd Anderson High School?

Maybe Hillary Clinton or Thumper Gore can give you some hints on cake sales and car pooling.

Mark Steyn uses a line from C.S. Lewis – “men without chests” – to describe modern American Liberal mind sets. I fear if I introduce you to more of his 20^th Century thought I’ll cause your unique hair to straighten a la Don King.

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

POMPOUS FART OF THE MONTH

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR

A veritable Wormwood in training!

I’ll go a step beyond.

You are Aunt Screwtape.

Senator Bambi has Friends

May 22, 2008

Douglas C. Lyons

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: People who you think can help Senator B. Hussein Obama win – As outlined in your “Fave Five” section today

Mr. Lyons,

Am I the only one who knows you work for Karl Rove? Do they pictures of you wearing a Resistol 30X while you were teaching the Two Step at Billy Bob’s? Does any body else know that you are a closet David Alan Coe fan?

Wednesday’s “Fave Five” entry is Alex Sink.

Thursday’s “Fave Five” entry is State Senator Anthony Hill.

When Alex Sink was at the Bank of America her immediate supervisor was a good ole boy named “Hootie” Johnson. Whatever else “Hootie”, that old red neck, snake handling, gun totin’ cracker ever does he will be remembered for one thing: No chicks, no time, never no how at the Masters’. He would have turned the Augusta National Golf Club into the Swap Shop North before he allowed anybody who could be called “Sweetie”, to borrow a phrase that Senator B. Hussein Obama seems very comfortable with, to dine at the Members’ Table.

God has always been very kind to animals and small children. He blesses them with short memories. We now have a new addition to that dynamic duo. Modern American Liberals, a herd that was so outraged by the word “macaca”, a word that still defies translation, that a sitting United States Senator was turned out of office for using it, will tolerate “Iron My Shirt” for the greater good of electing one of their own.

This woman countenanced blatant discrimination. In a time of moral crisis she did…nothing. Pray tell, but how is she supposed to help Pastor Wright’s parishioner of 20 years?

Today’s “Fave Five” star is State Senator Anthony C. Hill.

Did you pick him when you were a guest at Jena Bush’s wedding in Crawford, Texas? Are you a hunting mate of Dick Cheney?

You say…“Hill is a politician cut from the mold of a union organizer.” Tony Provenzano was a ‘union organizer’. You have created, perhaps unwittingly, a moral equivalency. The question is whether or not the two, in fact, are equal.

“His last stint in labor – he’s currently a community organizer with the Service International Employees Union…”

I loaded trucks and mined coal. To compare those unions with one whose main job is to see whether the 50 yard line is still at the high school stadium is an insult. Worse, it bespeaks a mind set of workers marching lemming-like when someone sings a new rendition of “Rainbow Stew”.

Didn’t Senator B. Hussein Obama’s good buddy, William Ayres, become a “community organizer” when he couldn’t make a career out of blowing up government buildings?

“In 2000, Hill and then-State Senator Kendrick Meek gained national recognition for their opposition to then-Governor Jeb Bush’s One Florida Initiative, which ended Affirmative Action in state programs.”

[As an aside, let the record show that State Senator Kendrick Meek did not get his next job, that of Congressman, through Affirmative Action. He got it from his mother, Congresswoman Carrie Meek. She gave him his inheritance a little early. Plus, she didn’t have to die. A win-win all around. Congressman Meek [D – Florida] is a proud President of the Lucky Sperm club.]

I am going to go out on a limb here.

A – Anthony Hill does not know who Joe Hill is.

B - Anthony Hill has never spent any quality time with a spade.

I’ll bet Mrs. B. Hussein Obama. Esq., the lovely Michelle, a lady who got a $4,000 a week – that’s four thousand dollars – raise, and who says she hit the glass ceiling, when her husband was elected to the United States Senate, is bursting with pride at the last two choices.

Why do I think tomorrow’s choice will be OJ?

Your envelope, the one stuffed with the Benjamins, will be ready at the same time and same place as last week.

Thoughts on Ted Kennedy

May 21, 2008

I just know that Julianne Malveaux, a swarthy lady whose ass by now must look a 10 yard dumpster, was not thinking Christian thoughts, Pastor Neither Wrong nor Wright not withstanding, by standing “It is a very good thing to visit the sick and bury the dead” when she wanted Clarence Thomas’s wife to give him a high fat, high cholesterol diet and by IV and enema if at all possible. I think the facts would support the interpretation that she wanted his toes up Black ass on a slab in the morgue.

What now with Teddy?

The rich in this country secure their family’s patrimony by attacking the methods that their buccaneer grandfathers used to bring the coin that lets them wrap their grandchildren’s asses in purple. When they do this we cheer.

When fortuna, when the wheel we live by, turns away from happy endings we think it is, in the case of the Kennedys, a return to Atreus. It is not. Like some idealized American Indian mumbling something about the ebb and flow of ga, the life force or some Caribbean clerical fakir ginning up some harmonic convergence flapdoodle it will soon be high spectacle. Much money will be paid for a purloined blood gas analysis, soiled linen will fetch a tank of high test. As we speak the headline on the tabloids are being redone. I suppose some good can from anything; At least Angelina’s gestation schedule will be back seated.

Let the man go in peace. He is a very public member of an institution that has 2000 years of experience in handling end of life situations. Two of them, penance and extreme unction, may yet save the day for him.

Go in peace. Please.

I hope that he and we will go to a better place.

And will someone put a sock in Senator Byrd’s yaw? Here’s a man who spent most of his adult life trying to make nappy headed lawn jockeys the official mascot of the Senate blubbering away about his good pal Teddy. They weren’t crocodile tears; they were Kleagle tears. God Damn phony bastard.

KS

Susan Estrich hates mean people

May 16, 2008

Suzan Estrich, J.D.

Robert Kingsley Professor of Law

Gould School of Law

University of Southern California

699 Exposition Boulevard

Los Angeles, California 90089-0071

RE: “Drat. Why can’t Cindy’s husband’s friends play nice with others?”

Ms. Estrich,

If Senator Biden, AKA “Chia Pet Head” or “Curly”, can say Bullshit in public so can I.

I think your article on Cindy McCain shows that you are slicker than owl shit on a brass door knob.

Can you tell me the difference between “Swift Boating” and “Borking”?

You may recall that in 1987 investigators for the Democratic majority in the Senate thought that the movies that Judge Bork rented from Blockbuster were relevant to his nomination to the Supreme Court. You teach law. Do you think they were? Would it have been fair to inquire of Judge Breyer or Judge Ginzburg their taste in flicks?

You may recall that Senator Leahy, and if there is a more malodorous bucket of foetid eel shit than that sad sack anywhere in the Republic I can’t find him, wanted to know about some extra legal work Judge Bork did some years earlier. Senator Leahy, AKA “Crap”, knew full well that Judge Bork’s wife was at the end stage of a terminal illness. He was trying to earn some extra money to make the last stage of her life a bit more comfortable.

Perhaps you have had a parent or a spouse go out hard. I have. If you did you would have wanted to slap the shit out of that mean spirited bastard.

As to dude in the 10 ring of the gallant “Swift Boaters”, all Senator Jay Forbes Kerry had to do was authorize the Department of Defense to release his DD214 and then his complete personnel file.

For all anybody knew, and because he refused to sign the releases, he could have been a whacko fruit cake, monkey spanking, chicken choking, Section 8, bed wetting, pot smoking FUBARED White kid. On the other hand he could have been a genuine hero. He choose not to take the American public into his confidence.

He might still make a world class mountain biking wind surfer. His one certified world class accomplishment, getting a leg over on 2 – at least - fabulously wealthy women, remains his permanent legacy. He almost, I repeat, almost made 2 of his Boston/DC shuttle mates, Ted Kennedy, AKA “Suet”, and “Barney Frank, AKA “Lollipop”, look good. Almost.

You say in your column that Cindy McCain is a “very nice woman”. You also say that some of her husband’s friends are absolute shits. You know that they are going to say some not so nice things about Senator B. Hussein Obama.

Macaca would certainly be beyond the pale.

How about baboon?

The Democrat Party and the New York Times thought it was OK to call a sitting President of the United States a baboon when he ran for reelection. You CV says that you teach at the University of Southern California. I am sure they have a big library there. I hope they have a Department of History there. Look it up.

President Bush addressed the Knesset yesterday. I suppose he should have bought Jimmy Carter and Pastor Wright with him to show that he had no hard feelings. He spoke of appeasement and its consequences. When he said the magic word it was greeted by loud, prolonged applause. Is it too big a chasm to span to claim that the road from Munich led straight to Auschwitz?

When Chamberlain came back from Munich to the acclaim of his countrymen one man said “We had to choose between shame and war. We choose shame. We will have war.” That man, of course, was Churchill. He ranks as one of the 20^th Century’s biggest turds in the punch bowl. Thank God.

Biden with his polyester hair and his ivory teeth; Leahy with his oleaginous oozy ordure; Kerry with his hatchet face muff diving charm for lonely rich ladies…Who’s left?

Carl Levin, with his comb over beginning South of his lumbar spine; Nancy Pelosi, with her face so tight she pees through her navel and makes Barbara Walters and Joan Rivers look slack jawed and wattley…a target rich environment, no?

Alas, since I am neither a “Borker” nor a “Swift Boater” I’ll leave it to others.

Does Senator B O, “Hussy” to his friends from the ‘hood, know George Soros? If he doesn’t he will.

Mitch Ceasar, Broward County Democratic Party

May 13, 2008

Mitch Ceasar

Broward County Democrat Party

1824 North University Drive

Plantation, Florida 33325

RE: “Why can’t we all just get along”?

“Jewish voters will sit shiva for a couple of weeks

and then their Democratic DNA will kick in and

they’ll be enthusiastic supporters of the nominee.”

The Los Angeles Times

The Miami Herald

You

Ave Ceasar!

OK! OK! I’m not Jewish but the guy who founded my Church was. Besides, I’ve been to a few shivas.

Here’s my plan.

Hillary will give a graceful concession speech when someone puts a wooden stake into her heart, empties a Glock 40 filled with silver bullets into her nose, AND seals her in a septic tank filled with holy water.

Even then we can’t be sure.

Surround the crypt with powerful generators emulating the sun. Each one of these will have the carbon footprint of a B-52. Operate them around the clock. Forever.

On the off chance that she will just go away you have to be ready to bring Senator B. Hussein Obama, or as Tosspot Ted, the senior Senator from Massachusetts calls him, Osama Bahama Salama Yomama, to Broward County.

You may wish to consult with the charming, Brillo haired, champion of public schools, Congressperson Debbie-Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, about “ethnic groups that Democrats always do well with”.

I’ll break the modern American Liberal code of omerta and take a wild guess and announce that these “ethnic groups” are Jews and Blacks.

You have a tough row to hoe.

Imagine you’re having a glass tea with a grizzled 88 year old named Mordechai. The tattoo on his forearm has almost faded away. Almost.

“Mitch, boychik, so what if the phone does ring at 3:00AM in the White House? What if it’s the Israeli Prime Minister calling? Who do want answering it? A friend of Farakhan?”

Sammy Davis is still dead. He would have been a great bridge between Jews and Blacks. Dead is dead, as in todt, as in forever. I suggest an alternative.

Fly Senator B. Hussein O., and the charming Missus Michelle – she’d be a show stopper at one of those condo confabs, don’t you think? – into the Fort Lauderdale Airport.

We both know that Broward County, the paradigmatic template [My G-d! The “paradigmatic template”! This from a language that has given us Shakespeare, Johnson, Kipling, and Yeats. Shame on us.] of modern American Liberalism, a county so in the tank for the Democrats that it makes me forget my ancestral home of Hudson County, New Jersey, a county that tried for 5 years to give a hotel to a Black man who didn’t have the sense to say Yes, a county where the Sheriff who wanted to be King, and wasn’t even a stand up guy, went to prison, a county where even hot stoves are not safe from the professional grifters who make up government, a county where the only way a Republican could get on the County Commission was when a Democrat went to prison so that a Republican Governor could appoint him, a county that would vote for Dr. Mengele because of his ‘progressive’ views on abortion, a county soon to approve manatee suffrage – Jeezus Haitch Keerist and I can say that because I’m Roman Catholic – needs to reach out to help welcome…what’s the word I’m looking for?...I know…schwartza…that’s it, isn’t it?

Since Sammy Davis cannot greet Senator B.O. at the airport. Why not have some Al Jolson impersonators say hello. Get them all done up in Black face. Of course they are singing “Mammy”. Mel Brooks can choreograph it. Jew and Black together again.

Maybe Debbie the Whiner can get the marching band from one those “ethnically concentrated” high schools, the ones with no Jews and all Blacks, Boyd Anderson and Dillard come to mind, and they can serenade him with a hip-hop rap version of Hava Negila?

How about trying to get Pastor Wright to be the last one in the minyan at one of the serious shuls? Pastor Wright in a Lubavitcher temple! The mind boggles. Pastrami on white toast with extra mayo. Pulled pork and hammentaschen. Saturday Night Specials and driedels. Left brain, right brain. Olivay. Our lips to God’s ears. Talk about culture shock. Call the Guinness Book of Records. A kumbaya moment of Biblical proportions is upon us.

Senator B.O. wants to talk to the head WOG in Syria, North Korea, Iraq, Venezuela, South Central Los Angeles, Cuba, Zimbabwe, Liberty City, the Gaza Strip, Burma, and the 9^th ward of New Orleans.

Everybody except Fox News.

Broward County should be a day at the beach for him

I love it when a plan comes together.

K S

PS – I began with the salutation Ave Ceasar! The next line is Nos moritui salutamus te. If you need a translation send a SASE.

Michael Mayo, The Sun Sentinel

May 11, 2008

Michael Mayo

The Sun-Sentinel

200 East Las Olas Boulevard

Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33301

RE: I’m shocked! Shocked! Rich White guys are served a different brand of justice? Why your column in the Sun-Sentinel this AM on how a younger Huizenga laughed at justice on a DUI felony rap should be a rallying cry.

Mr. Mayo,

Don’t you just hate it when rich White guys thumb their noses at us poor working guys? If you think the Huizenga cur is the only rich White guy who got a pass on his confessed crimes you’re in for a shock.

You’re probably too young to remember so go to Google. Type in Chappaquiddick.

Mary Jo Kopechne is still dead. She is going to be dead for a very long time.

The rich White guy who killed her is still around.

Doesn’t that make your blood boil?

I guess nothing changes.

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

Congressperson Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

10100 Pembroke Pines Boulevard

Pembroke Pines, Florida 33028

RE: The gift that keeps on giving – You and Hillary

My dear Congressperson,

“Senator Clinton continues to demonstrate that she has what

to win the Presidency…while Senator Obama does well in areas

and demographic groups that the Democratic candidate

will win anyway.”

Tampa Tribune

You

Italics mine

Perhaps Senator Clinton does have “what it takes to win the Presidency”. She does have quite a record, 35 years worth, of achievement.

In her first job as an attorney with the Federal government she argued that the accused did not have a right to counsel. So much for Escobedo and due process.

She was hired by the largest law firm in Arkansas when her husband was elected Attorney General.

She was made a partner in that law firm when her husband was elected Governor.

Although she was listed as an outside director she was a bought and paid for and “in management’s pocket” during her time on the board of WAL*MART.

She had a broker named “Red Bone”.

Whitewater? A scheme to defraud dumb White red necks.

Hold on. It gets better.

“I am not Tammy Wynette.”

“Don’t just fire those travel agents. Indict them.”

“Thanks for letting me bollix up health care, Big Bill. It’s the least you could have done to make up for all those White trash, trailer park Bimbos who kept erupting.”

“Didn’t Janet Reno, 3^rd Choice Janny, do a marvelous job at Waco.”

“Live from the tarmac at Tuzla.” INCOMING!

“I stood by my man, a man who would hump a snake if someone held his head. Elect me to the Senate.”

“The last time I checked, while I have cojones, I still don’t have a prostate gland. Elect me President.”

One Hell of a resume.

Would I be risking a macaca moment if I were to suggest that the two demographic groups that you speak so confidently of are Blacks and Jews?

Can we stipulate that the last time Black and Jews felt comfortable together was when Sammy Davis, Jr. was still performing? To be redundant, performing live.

Do you remember when Woody Allen said he belonged to a shul that was so reformed the Cantor was a Nazi?

Why not have Reverend Wright, Senator B. Hussein Obama’s pastor, tour some of the more progressive temples in South Florida? Maybe Jimmy Carter of Israeli Apartheid fame could be the opening act. The topics could be Affirmative Action and why oppressed women are just as badly treated as Blacks. Maybe the topic of “obliterating Iran” could be discussed. Maybe, since Black children have reversed brains and learn differently than White children, the repeal of Brown v The Board of Education could be discussed. Maybe it’s time for a return to Plessy v Ferguson [“separate but equal”, remember?]

Kugel and hog maws. Pulled pork and rugelach. Perfect together.

PS – About Hillary doing shots and beers with the boys…pay attention in case she calls on you to do the same. If she is so opposed to NAFTA why was she fondling a bumper of Canadian whiskey? The real “little brown guy” should have been Fleischman’s. Unblended American whiskey [If there’s no ‘e’ in whiskey it wasn’t made in this country. Don’t be photographed drinking it] with a Jewish name. Sounds like something Karl Rove would have thought of had he been a Democrat. Plus, if you’re going to do it, do it. Don’t sip it. It ain’t Chartreuse. Remember, if you have to handle a gun an unloaded one fires once a month. A broom stick fires once a year. Reach for the small shooters only when the real 6 gun shooter is back in its case.

Fl. State Senator Nan Rich

May 3, 2008

Senator Nan Rich

777 Corporate Parkway

Sunrise, Florida 33325-6256

RE: Congratulations!

Senator Rich,

“If you build them,

they will come.”

Senator Nan Rich,[D- Sunrise]

lamenting that the Legislature

voted to build more prisons

while cutting social programs.

Story,

1A

“They” are future prisoners. What you are saying is that demand will expand to meet supply. I suppose it would not be incorrect to call it a half-assed Broward County version of Say’s Law.

Jeepers, but that’s dumb. The only conclusion that can be inferred is that you are dumb also.

It’s like saying that umbrellas cause rain.

It means that you have managed to get to the back nine of life without once having experienced the joy, the beauty of Logic. It is one of the hallmarks of Western Civilization. It is a gift of those DWEMs, the Dead White Males who started it all.

It also means, like a prototypical Cain, that you are marked for all eternity as modern American Liberal. Don’t despair. There are certain advantages. Facts don’t matter. Results are irrelevant. All that counts are intentions.

Reductio ad absurdum, [sorry, but that’s Latin] if you wanted to eliminate crime and save money all you would have to do would have to do would be to eliminate the police department. Do we want world peace? Scrap all our armed forces. Want to end disease? Shut down all the hospitals. Want to get rid of welfare? Stop sending out checks.

Want to save on fire insurance premiums? Close all fire departments.

This is fun.

We’ve done away with property requirements, literacy tests, and poll taxes as a prerequisite for voting.

I propose a test for potential elected officials.

Before you get to spend somebody else’s money you have to pass a simple test.

You go into an old fashioned phone booth. The kind with the door, remember?

You have to find your ass. You are allowed to use both hands. You can have mirrors taped to the walls. You can have a Life Coach giving you instructions. You have to score 2 out of 3.

Here’s a hint. Your ass is behind you.

Start studying.

Beth Reinhard, The Miami Herald

May 3, 2008

Beth Reinhard

The Miami Herald

One Herald Plaza

Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: The official list of victims grows once more – What else can those Republican rednecks do? As told, both sorrowfully and angrily, in your column this morning in the Miami Herald.

Ms. Reinhard,

“It’s gotten to the point where getting an abortion in Florida

is about as challenging as, well, casting a ballot.”

The Miami Herald

Page 3B

Today

You

Does that mean you have to have a photo ID before the rabbit chaser goes to work? If having a felony conviction means the foetus avoids the hook can Mom sell the baby on E-Bay?

“One reason for the low mark [‘D’ from NARAL] is that more

than 2/3rds of Florida counties lack abortion doctors…”

ibid

How many counties in Florida have PET Scan machines? How many have MRIs? How about hyperbaric chambers? Would it be fair to say that all medical procedures are equal but that some are more equal than others? [I would love to take credit for that idea but, alas, Orwell had it first.]

“But for women who are poor and take the bus, getting

an abortion can be an ordeal on top of an ordeal.”

Ibid

All the more reason for suspending both the Federal and state gasoline tax AND drilling in ANWR and the Eastern Gulf of Mexico. More supply will help to drive down the cost of gasoline. I know that it is hard for a modern American Liberal to believe that the struggle between supply and demand has an effect on prices. I suggest that the evidence of your own eyes with regards to the South Florida real estate market should provide proof of this. The serendipitous bonus in this is that it would make it easier for women of color to abort their babies.

“The young and the poor, Blacks and Hispanics, the same people for

whom ending an unwanted pregnancy can seem next to impossible.”

ibid

“Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.” That was the answer the head killer gave to Michael Corleone in “the Godfather” when asked about shooting Hyman Roth.

Facts are hard things.

Since 1973, despite all the above named obstacles, despite being about 6% of the entire population, non-White women have had about 40% of the abortions in this country. Who says minorities can’t overcome obstacles.

Anyway, thanks for expanding the official list modern American Liberal victims.

PS – About the anti-Affirmative Action statistics…it would be wrong to tell Pastor Wright so don’t. Also, if the price of gasoline continues to rise, and who knew that oil companies were secret Right-to-Life fans, do you think transportation vouchers, redeemable for medical purposes only, should be made available? Particularly for women of color?