Janet Napolitano – Secretary Department of Homeland Security

January 6, 2010

Janet Napolitano – Secretary
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. 20528

RE: Congratulations!

Madame Secretary,

Although you did it last year I am naming you the first winner this year of one of my most prestigious awards. You are hereby named

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

It took but 3 days for your comment “the system worked” to the President, taking a break from his luau poi, to speak of the “systemic failure” of your department.

You may remember back in the early days of the Clinton administration when a respected public servant named Craig Livingstone embarrassed Bill and Hillary. Congressman Lontos asked him if the ever considered suicide. If I were you I’d get some food tasters, just like Lucrezia Borgia did, on the payroll.

That warning notwithstanding, what you said makes you a boob, a ninny, I daresay even an oblatratrix. Showing my gender sensitivity I will allow you to call yourself a boobette.

Here’s a tip.

When the father of a WOG terrorist twice drops dimes on his son pay attention.

Here’s another tip.

If somebody looking like Abdul the Butcher tries to get on a plane have him first blow his nose into a page ripped from the Koran. For special cases have him wipe his ass with another page.

Wear your laurels proudly. You got them the old fashioned way.

You earned them.



Kevin Smith