Jerry Adler Newsweek

February 21, 2010

Jerry Adler
Newsweek
251 West 57th Street
New York, New York 10019-1894

RE: Forget about the sound of one hand clapping – How about the sound of sphincters slamming shut?

Mr. Adler:

It’s me again.

I enclose your letter of 1/28/08 in re the matters of Global Cooling, Global Warming, and now, Climate Change.

I remember the day after man landed on the moon. The head of the Flat Earth Society said, and I quote, “Gulp”.

It’s been about 90 days since the world began to catch on that not only was the Emperor prancing around naked but that he was simultaneously thumbing his nose with one hand while flipping the bird with the other. On top of that he was doing his best Busby Berkeley/Bob Fosse routine of mooning his captive audience. The band, led by Professor Irwin Corey, Groucho Marx, and Mel Brooks played “The Science is Settled”, the theme song of the movement.

How quickly the Sirens of tautology and nit-wittedness caused the supposed legatees of the Western Canon, the scientific method, and that old reliable chestnut of street smarts that says, “Of course I love you Mom. Cut the cards anyway”, to pledge allegiance to a movement that would end the Industrial Revolution.

You say “most climatologists see no reason to take that risk”, said risk being the demise of polar bears.

Further, you speak of the risk of “expos[ing] ourselves to the potential danger of a rapid rise in sea levels that is also a consequence of global warming”.

I write this not 15 yards from the Intracoastal Waterway. For 14 years I have been waiting for the dreaded “rapid rise of sea levels”. What with all those glaciers melting, the hole in the ozone layer growing like Topsy, and people wanting air conditioning produced by coal, the water should be to the second floor by now.

It isn’t.


Since I live close to the dreaded Bermuda Triangle I am more in fear of alien abduction than I am of a polar bear carcass fouling my propellers. It’s tough enough dodging the wily manatees.

There are two things that me be of value to you.

#1 – The sea level does rise. When it rises it falls. Then it rises again. Then it falls again. It does it every day. It’s like clockwork. Thank God for Google. It’s called tidal action. The Greeks used the tides to defeat the Persians at Salamis. That was 25 centuries ago. Sir Francis Drake, knowing that the tide had not yet begun to turn, continued in game of lawn bowling despite the approaching Spanish fleet. That was 5 centuries ago. Nelson used them successfully at Trafalgar. Shakespeare used them to describe action that took place 21 centuries ago. I guess we have forgotten. Also, the good guys beat the bad guys at Lepanto using the tides

#2 – Notwithstanding the intentionally obfuscatory persiflage concerning the Medieval Warming Period, perversely inverted hockey sticks, renewed interest in getting a posthumous Noble Prize for Lysenko, and taking another close look at the Piltdown Man my favorite climatologist is an almost forgotten Italian named Tony Vivaldi.

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. AKA as Alpha Gump, was last seen standing on a 12 foot high snow drift shouting “Are you going to believe me or your lying eyes? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

Will tomatoes, once thought to be poisonous, make my Laetrile and Krebiozen work better?

Too bad the title “The Sting” has been used.

The climate grifters had it easy.

Everybody in the Media believed them because they wanted to believe them. As soon as I can find a copy of the rare Austrian/English dictionary – maybe it’s in one of those recently discovered 7 or was it 8 states? – I can find a proper word to describe the modern American Liberals who believe such folderol.

Until then boob will have to do.





Kevin Smith