Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

January 29, 2010

Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel
200 East Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33316

RE: In which I point out the missing link in your ca-ca column about why the Courts need more Liberals lest we perish form the burden of governing ourselves.

My dear Professor,

You are recognized as the world leader in the practice of conducting self examinations in proctology. I know it’s dark, dangerous, and lonely work but if you don’t do it the terrorists, in some strange way, win.

I mention terrorists because it is back in vogue having been sent to Coventry by, as Fatso Kennedy used to call him, Yokahama Bahama Yomama, at his inauguration last January.

Can it be a year? Time flies when you are enjoying yourself, doesn’t it?

[As an aside, with no connection to the reason for my note, I must tell you as we enter the holy season of Lent that I have already had an Epiphany moment. I know I have speeded up the liturgical calendar but the cause is great and the hour is late. Despite the scientific consensus that man was causing the polar bears to drown, despite former Vice President Alpha Gump’s appeal to reason in the form of inverted hockey sticks, despite the evidence provided centuries ago by the noted Italian weatherperson, Tony Vivaldi, despite the involvement of Halliburton and the Bush family in causing the earthquake in Haiti I refused to believe. It took the arguments put forward by that noted agrarian reformer and Alinsky acolyte, Osama bin Laden to make me a believer. Indeed Allah is really Akbar if he can convince a wretch like me to turn off my air conditioner to save the planet. He is now my favorite WOG.]

When you go to your proctologic quiet place to formulate your argument there is one constant. Facts are never allowed to intrude on your major premise.

Thus your contention about the 2000 election being preordained by the confirmation of Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court in 1991 is a classic example of “right church, wrong pew”. The decision not to confirm Judge Bork in 1987 spared us from Alpha Gump becoming the President in 2000.

You focus on the 5-4 vote rather than the 7-2 vote in the Supreme Court because 5-4 suits your argument better. We will never know whether Judge Bork would have been part of the 7-2 vote to uphold that part of the Constitution that concerns itself with



equal protection under the law. We can be positive that he never would have voted to accept the case. Thus the 5-4 vote would have been beloved by you.

In the fog of the battle about the election of 2000 it is well to note a conveniently forgotten fact.

If the Vice President had carried Tennessee, his home state, or the President had carried Arkansas, his home state, Florida’s electoral votes would have been irrelevant. The Republicans could have done a Cook County/Hudson County recount and pitched a shut out. It still wouldn’t have put George Bush in the White House.

To me the highlight of the 2000 election kerfluffle was when Daley, son of King Richard the First of Chicago, headed the Democratic effort to undo the Constitution. He said, with a straight face, with no hint of whimsy that he was in charge of the recount. If Frank Perdue had put a fox in charge of hen house security it would not have been worse than that.

You may use the above as a real world example of “hoist on one’s own petard”.

Funny how things work out, isn’t it?

Since I have changed my mind about Global Cooling, Global Warming, Climate Change, and who knows what the next name will be, it is time for you to change your mind about George W. Bush.

You mention, sneeringly, “the trillion dollar Iraq invasion”.

That he was able to pull this off in broad daylight without anyone catching on was a stroke of genius. That he was able to get Congress to authorize the funds for it without knowing what they were for makes Bush a political Houdini. That he was able to get the New York Times to devote more Page 1 coverage to whether or not chicks could play golf at the Masters rather than focusing on men going into battle makes him a master political puppeteer.

Not bad for a dummy, right?

You criticize the recent affirmation of free speech by the Supreme Court by saying it “overturned more than 100 years of settled law”. [Actually it was only 20 years but why pick at nits?] Are you a closet racist? Are you in favor of segregation? Plessy v Ferguson was “settled law” for 59 years until the Supreme Court “unsettled” it. Your Logic would dictate that we would not have women voting, the direct election of Senators, and slavery. I never knew this about you. I am shocked, shocked to find this out. Are there any other skeletons in your closet?


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When was Lord Keynes expelled from your Liberal pantheon? Just before he died he wrote to Friedrich Hayek and said he had been wrong and that Hayek was right. Do you have a picture of Milton Friedman in your closet?

Logic would dictate that not only was the Stimulus law – When was the last time you heard a rational adult use the term “shovel ready” without snickering? – was not needed but that it was harmful If deficits under Bush were bad why are they good under Obama? Do you think we should stop spending all those gazillions of dollars that we borrowed from the Chinese?

There is one benefit from you performing your own proctoscopy.

One more upward thrust and you can examine your back teeth.






Kevin Smith