Pin The Tale On The Map

April 17, 2012
I officially disclose that Lord Barack the Beneficent is not – repeat – not the smartest guy ever to be President. Despite degrees from two different Ivy League schools I hereby declare him to be – A – not as smart as he thinks he is and - B – nowhere near as smart as the ass kissing toads in the main stream media believe and want him to be. Further, a strong case can be made for – C – him being as dumb as a box of starch.
He told us that Austrian was the official language of Austria.
Talk about “shovel ready: jobs in the endless “Summer of Recovery”!

All over the world landfills got their monthly quota in one wild, wet weekend of atlases and geography texts being exterminated with extreme prejudice.

New editions were rushed to press telling us that Belizean was the language of Belize. Albertan became the language of Alberta and Lichtensteinian became the language of Lichtenstein. New Ginny became the language of New Guinea while Old Ginny became the language of Guinea. Guinness was denied its appeal to make Guinnessian an official language.

Only 2 places resisted the call for change. Taking its cue from the Vatican’s refusal to make Vaticanian the new Latin Bayonne refused to print Bayonnian on its liquor licenses.

Graustarkia and Ruritania are ticked off because no one thought of them. It’s been all downhill since the last production of The Student Prince.

His next stab at geography came when he told us that that were “57 or 58 states”. Honest. He said that. Imagine if President Bush or Governor Palin had said that. The journalistic toads, servy boys all to the church of Modern American Liberalism, would have set Guinness records for going past arousal, foreplay, tumescence, and straight to severely randy knickers in their mad dash to scream DUMMY. God’s Holy Trousers but the New York Times would have declared a new holiday proclaiming “REPUBLICANS ARE STUPID”

Here’s a hint.

The number of stars on the flag equals the number of states. Always has. “Star spangled banner”. Remember? It went from 48 to 50 in 1959. You can look it up. You would think that somebody with his finger on the nuclear trigger would know that, wouldn’t you? If you did you would be wrong.

We have had an adult say that when Bahama Obama speaks he “gets a tingle running up his leg”. Another was awed because he was “watching over us like a God”. A 3rd scribe said he should be President because of the “perfect crease in his pant”. A Historian had but Yosama Bahama’s shadow fall upon him for him to proclaim that “he was the smartest President ever”. Had he but touched the hem of his garment the arguments concerning infallibility would have been over.

The rule to follow here is that people who believe in nothing will eventually believe in anything and anybody who says “Only gravity is holding us back”. He did say that “we are the ones we have been waiting for”. Thus was the meaning of solipsism expanded exponentially.

When he said he “would make the oceans recede and the planet cool” no one among us said “Huh”? No one said that he had no clothes on. No one said “Canute who”. Smart people had tears in their eyes. Really smart people said, “Fly Icarus, fly. This time we’ll all make it.”

Now this nit-wit speaks of the Falkland Islands, not as Las Malvinas, but as the Maldives. He’s only off by some 6,000 miles but who’s counting.

[As an aside, the 1960 Presidential Campaign gave us many things. The “Missile Gap”, TV debates, media bias, Daley of Chicago counting the votes over and over until he got the number he wanted inter alia. It also gave us some geography lessons. Quemoy and Matsu became the objects of many pop quizzes. If they were any closer to China they could get mainland take away. You wouldn’t need a bridge or a tunnel to get back and forth. All you would need is low tide. Their position makes the Falklands seem like they are within sight of Portsmouth. Senator Kennedy ended the discussion by saying “Any place is defensible if free men wish to defend it”.]

If it comes down to choosing between England and Argentina America would be well advised to remember several things:

#1 – Runnymede
#2 – Shakespeare
#3 – 1688
#4 – Samuel Johnson and Edmund Burke
#5 – Pax Britannica
#6 – Kipling and T.S. Eliot
#7 – Churchill
#8 – The presumption of innocence
#9 – Whisky
And perhaps as important as any of the above
#10 – 3 great Queens

On the other hand…

In the case of Argentina, despite living in a land blessed by God, a land not made habitable and arable by a fickle Gulf Stream, it has managed to make one permanent contribution to the Western Canon in almost 2 centuries of existence: The Tango. Think me not a cad if I point out that they stole that from the Eye-Ties. [Evita, one of the 20th century’s greatest Horizontal Tango performers, failed to make the cut, not because of lack of performance, but because of lack of longevity.]

This ohmadahn shouldn’t be allowed to handle sharp objects or operate heavy equipment.

I always believed that God both loved and blessed America.

He is going to have to prove it in spades between now and November.




“FREE MEN SPEAK WITH FREE TONGUES”



Kevin Smith
WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET



PS – The Alien and Sedition Act was repealed, wasn’t it?