Steven L. Goldstein The Sun-Sentinel

April 27, 2012
Steven L. Goldstein
The Sun-Sentinel

RE: How low can we go? Some comments on your typically incisive screed on how the absence of Republicans would surely be the beginning of the best of times, particularly for single moms who are women of color.

My dear Professor,

Of course you are right.

Thank God for concupiscence! At least it gives us an out for sins of the flesh.

As for the other sins, things like racism, teenage obesity, homophobia, psoriasis, teen age bullying, GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChange, xenophobia, the coming takeover of the world by Wal-Mart, agoraphobia leading to severe xenophobia, fried foods, country music, drowning polar bears, Saturday Night Specials, a continued reliance on the 10 Commandments, Birthers & Truthers, the continuing belief in the profit motive, the insistence in keeping score at Little League games, the refusal to change pi from 3.1416 to 3.0 so that more people can pass Geometry, the continued burning of coal, the insistence of keeping Kipling and Eliot in public libraries, the absence of a Garrison Keillor and Bill Moyers stamp, the refusal of the Roman Catholic Church to roll over and surrender 2,000 years of revealed truth to the du jour easy out [Would it cost me out of the good graces of accepted society if I were to point out that some of us still believe what Jesus said about “the gates of Hell not prevailing against” His Church? I guess it’s a risk I will have to take] – no wonder the 1% need tax breaks gotten by placing the burden of the perpetually lashed backs of the undeserving poor. We hate too much to have time for anything else. That’s why we will miss the 3rd Summer of Recovery. Those “shovel ready” jobs are really coming in handy, aren’t they?

A few small things, no bigger than a man’s fist on the horizon, before I go.

#1 – You claim the killing of Osama bin Laden, along with the unannounced attendant collateral damage, to be a “spectacular success”.

Does that mean you have changed your views on capital punishment? Is it OK to whack some turbaned thug who is overseas? Does due process stop with our outgoing tide? Does that mean that the Nuremberg Trials were a waste of time? Should we have taken Patton’s advice in 1945 about shooting every burgermeister within 60 minutes driving time of any death camp? He also wanted to execute every field grade officer in the Wehrmacht.

How about if some gun totin’ feral urban youth – if you think that’s a euphemism you’re right – guns down a shop keeper? How about if he kills a police officer while trying to escape? Should we send Seal Team 6 after him or just wire his ass up to Old Sparky? How about digging up the Rosenbergs every year and fry them again just to make sure that they stay dead? How about public executions? Does this mean that you are in favor of the Bush policy of putting the bad guys in Gitmo rather than trying them in Manhattan? I probably don’t have to tell you that your guy in the Whiter House is in favor of it. If he didn’t agree with it he would have shut it down, right? After all, he’s had more than 3 years.

Here’s a good sign for you. I have the same position on same sex marriage as the official policy as the President.

#2 – Why not send George Zimmerman to the same place in Chicago where the unnamed 6 year old Black girl was shot and killed? Tie him down and have a contest open only to the Brothers to see who can cap him first. The winner gets a high school diploma and good gloves for his “Summer of Recovery Shovel Ready Job”.

#3 – Here’s an intriguing thought. How about having the grandson of an “average White woman” send his half-brother, the one who lives in a rent stabilized Section 8 mud hut in a changing neighborhood of Nairobi, a few bucks every week to get him indoor plumbing? Obama charges $35,000 a plate to have dinner with him. Send Olatungi Obama the scraps and he’ll be the next Mayor.

#4 – He and his wife are living testimony to the good life as proclaimed by the High Church of modern American Liberalism. Between them they have 4 degrees from Ivy League schools. The blue collar working stiffs of America lent them the money to do it. Despite having impressive educations they did nothing for the next 20 years. Then, with no more worlds to conquer, he was anointed President. He is still waiting for “the oceans to recede and the earth to cool” but Christ couldn’t get it done in 3 years either.

Is it possible that he a HORSE’S ASS of such monumental proportions that he couldn’t find his motley – motley, as in multi-colored, like Joseph’s coat – ass using both his hands and having a GPS Gorilla Glued to the phone booth where he is doing his damndest to find it? Let the record show that the rest of the horse is Appaloosa. No Black charger or White stallion here. There can be no doubt that his problem finding it has been exacerbated by Curley Biden’s shouting about his big stick.

#5 – As a proud founding member of the “vast Right-Wing conspiracy” I am pleased to tell you that your basic premise is correct. I know every time I introduce Logic to our conversation I am confusing the Hell out of you. Hell, it’s never too late to learn. You may qualify for a student loan. It worked for those two aforementioned layabouts. Just think of the possibility of “Hail to the Chief” when you come down from the mountain with today’s rules.

#6 – Since “God is not for man to scan; the proper study of mankind is man” your use of the feminine gender designation is acceptable. It is a step up from using “it”. I ask a small favor. If you could find it in your heart could you capitalize the first letter? H, S, or I. It would show that you are reaching out to some border line “bitter clingers”. Your vision of a post-pre-post racial society founded on the principles of a “Rainbow Stew/Balloon Juice” society may yet win some converts.

Paraphrasing the great Dr. Johnson, “The man is a dolt and that’s an end to it”.

Does that make me a racist?





Kevin Smith