May 11, 2014

Omissioner Kristin Jacobs
Broward County Commission
115 S. Andrews Avenue
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: You’re gaining on it! – Some comments on the heights or depths of the vacuous inanities that you belched out on today’s Sun Sentinel Opinion Page.

Ms. Jacobs,

Hi from a serious “climate change denier”

#1 – I am typing this about 15 yards from the Intercostal. It is “very real and tangible”. I have lived here for 12 years. With the exception of tidal action – You are aware of the tides, aren’t you? – the average height of the water has neither gone up nor has it gone down. Wherever the water from the ice berg melting, polar bear drowning, caused by GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDisruption has gone, it hasn’t yet showed up here.

I check my manatee traps twice a day. More than that when the pups are separated from their moms by ozone depletion, the Tea Party, too much plastic, and the Koch Brothers. Trust me. The water marks on the wall haven’t changed since 2002.

#2 – Speaking of “settled science”, I have 4 Quixotic quests for which I would appreciate your help in pursuing.

A – Pluto – How did it get the boot from the index of planets? Who speaks for Pluto? I do. Will you?

B – Ptolemy – The science was “settled” for more than a millennium. [That’s 1000 years] Ptolemy was the top dog in Astronomy. Who tossed him out? “Astronomy deniers”? I want him back. Will you help me?

C – Age of the Universe – It is either 4,672 years old or it is 13,000,000,000 + years old. That is one Hell of a bid and asked. Can you help me “settle the science” on this one?

D – If you are really serious about getting the public’s attention on the climate kerfluffle I suggest that you – let’s take baby steps first – introduce a motion to turn off all the A/Cs in the room where you have your public meetings. Then you can ban A/Cs in all Broward County buildings. I don’t know if the jail is A/Ced but if it is turn it off. They’re in prison, not in the Hard Rock. Also, all Broward County employees – no exceptions, including you – must use public transportation getting to and from work. It’s




the least we can do for the children, not to mention furbish louseworts and various snail darters.

On a more personal note, I have a wager that you couldn’t find your ass if you were in a mirrored phone booth and were allowed to use both your hands and it was 2 out 3 with a Mulligan. Don’t let me down.

I don’t know how old you are but I suggest, for the good of the species, a tubal ligation. To Hell with half-way measures! Only a total hysterectomy will do.

There is no sense being a half-assed horse’s ass.






Kevin Smith