May 29, 2014
Joy-Ann Reid
The Miami Herald
3511 NW 91st Street
Miami, FL 33172

RE: Don’t forget your umbrella – some comments on your column in today’s Miami Herald on how the Republicans will drown us all.

Ms. Reid

My major premise is that you are dumb.

It is a dumbness of biblical proportions. It is one of immense proportions not seen since Ptolemy – Ptolemy? Whodat? He didn’t have 97% of the consensus, he had 100%. Thank God for Google – who was the top dog in Astronomy.

Alas, there is no cure for it. It’s what makes my task easier. I have a larger audience than a typical non-thinking modern American Liberal ink stained wench,

Let us assume that Governor Scott, in concert with the evil Koch Brothers and egged on by Tea Party knuckle dragging “bitter clingers”, really wants to see the coastline of Florida move 20 miles inland. [If that were to happen it would solve the problems of affordable housing and low test scores in inner cities, wouldn’t it? It would free up money for 4th and 5th trimester abortions on women of color, wouldn’t it?]

What can be done to stop this ecological lout from flooding the inland swamp, AKA the Everglades?

Nothing – repeat – nothing.

Imagine, if you are able, that Florida turns off all, each and every one, of its air conditioners.

Imagine, if you are able, that Florida bans the importation, transportation, and use of all petroleum products, gasoline, both unleaded and premium, being the main target.

A good start, right?

Wrong, you boob.

For every step backward, for every step backward trying to undo Western Civilization, for every step backward to deny our children the blessings of liberty a strange thing, an astonishing thing, will happen.




The Chinese, followed closely by the Indians, will plug the breach.

[That’s a back-handed Shakespeare reference. Henry the Fifth and Harfleur. I do that to flash my elitist status as a legatee of Western Civilization and a fierce defender of the Scientific Method and its aegis, reasoned discourse.]

Every 4 days the Chinese build a coal burning power plant. 7 each month. Their short term goal is to build 100 a year. This country hasn’t built one since 1978.

Duty demands that I tell you that Tom Steyer, the good hedge fund billionaire, the dude who will spend $100,000,000 to fight the Keystone Pipeline, sells really dirty, high sulfur Indonesian coal to China. And who says irony is dead? Chrysler, the subject of a $10,000,000,000 – that’s ten billions of dollars – bailout from the taxpayers of this country is now owned by Fiat, an Italian company. Can you believe that they are going to make Jeeps in China? The plants will be powered by electricity generated by, honest to God and I cannot make this up, coal powered power plants. Life sure takes some strange twists, doesn’t it? Gaia, your personal Goddess, is still trying to figure that one out.

Wait until the Indians – not the ones with the casinos and the on-line alligator wrestling school but the ones that Kipling, the quintessential DWEM, praised in the highest terms – start to play high sulfur, carbon belching, CO2 vomiting catch up ball.

Ohmadahns, dolts like you – supported by 97% of the 97% who told us in 1969 that we would either starve to death or freeze to death by the year 2000, people who once thought that tomatoes were poisonous – should be scratching their heads, assuming that they can tell the difference between their heads and their asses. Here’s a plan. Scratch both. Now switch. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Isn’t it passing strange that former Vice President Alpha Gump gave us 5 years to live six years ago? Nobody asks why there are more horses’ asses than there are horses’ heads. Shouldn’t the number be in balance?

97%? That’s a pretty good number for a Calculus course. It ain’t so good if you’re a jet pilot.

Ptolemy’s consensus wasn’t 97%. It was 102% and he had it for 15 centuries.








Copernicus, Galileo, Kepler, Newton ambled in and the old consensus was gone as if it had never happened.

All science is settled until it becomes unsettled. If it didn’t we could shut down all the laboratories, couldn’t we?

Didn’t Obama tell us that the earth would cool and the oceans would recede? What the Hell happened there? Did Bush do him in again?

Other than you holding your breath and counting slowly, very slowly to 7,361 what are we supposed to do?

What if we all give up plastic?

That will undrown all those polar bears, won’t it?

Let me quote the great Dr. Johnson – Samuel, not Lyndon.

“Such stupidity is not found in nature.



Kevin Smith


PS – A sad addendum – Listen to General MacArthur’s last speech to the cadets at West Point. Sandwiched as it was between Kennedy’s Inaugural and King’s “I have a dream” speech it is sometimes overlooked. It brought tears to the eyes of those who heard it and 2500 cadets to their feet cheering it. Yesterday, the President of the United States girded his loins and those of the people he commands and sent them into battle against…against…rainy springs, dry summers, and cold winters. No one will ever confuse him with Leonidas or Horatius or Travis. Is there no end to the modern American Liberal nit-wit dummies we must endure? His biggest cheer was when the audience was sure he stopped talking. He has 2 and ½ years to go. He is starting to make Carter, hands down the worst President of the 20th century, look good. Is it time to bring Solyndra back? The big oil companies drove them out of business, didn’t they? If we could just take the profit motive out of business things would really be good, wouldn’t they? You are so God Damn dumb you make my hair hurt.