May 16, 2014

Marc Caputo
The Miami Herald

RE: I can’t tell up from down and hot from cold – Some comments on your Page 1 article on Florida Senator Marco Rubio and his less than Luddite stance on GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimateDisruption

Mr. Caputo,

The first thing I read today was Paul Krugman – Nobel Prize winner and Enron shill I quickly add – telling me less than halfway through his first paragraph that we are doomed.

I stopped reading so as to preserve whatever time I had left to pursue other things. [Talbot ’79, some Mozart, some geriatric twerking, disposing of my navel lint collection in an environmentally sensitive manner, inter alia, spring to mind]

Then I read about Tom Steyer, gazillionaire hedge fund dude – I add quickly that he is a good gazillionaire hedge fund dude because he wants to spend $100,000,000 of his own money to stop the Keystone pipeline unlike Mitt Romney who is a bad gazillionaire hedge fund dude because he won’t spend $100,000,000 of his own money to stop the Keystone pipeline – made a big pot of dough selling Indonesian coal to the Chinese

Three things leap to mind:

#1 – Try to fit living wage, OSHA, and the EPA into the same sentence with Indonesia. Take as much time as you need.
#2 – As you know, China opens one new coal burning power plant each week. That’s each and every week. 52 a year. Do the math. If you are bronchitis-prone stay upwind of them.
#3 – Each day that we delay the Keystone pipeline means that we buy more oil from Brunei, a place that seeks to de-clitorize all teenage girls, and Nigeria, a place that brings back the joys of full employment slavery. That’s worse than Hobson’s Choice.

It became worse, much worse.

Tom Steyer, the good gazillionaire hedge fund dude, also sells Australian coal to China. It is a well-known fact that Koala bears suffer when Australian mines its coal. One can only imagine the horror, the horror that Pandas suffer when it is burned. Is it too late to suggest a Solidarity pact between drowning polar bears and COPD-prone Koalas? Have we become too solipsistically species conscious? Is so, the end is indeed near.



Then I got to your article about Senator Rubio and climate change.

I learned well from Anthony Trollope. Let me state the obvious. There is climate change because the climate changes. You may wish to consult Professor Vivaldi, the noted Italian climatologist, to confirm these changes.

Argumentum ad captandum seems to be the universal mucilage that keeps weather fallacies, forgive me, above water.

You cite a Professor Kirtman, and I just know that he is a multi-degreed, internationally known, highly credentialed and experienced academic, who says that because surface temperatures haven’t gone up in 15 years they are going to go up and “soon” because not having gone up they can’t go down forever unless the Kyoto treaty is approved in which case The Population Bomb by Professor Paul Ehrlich will be become the gospel it didn’t become 45 years ago when he said we would either freeze to death or starve by the year 2000. Clearer than a bone chilling Tanqueray martini, straight up, no?

He then uses stock market lingo – He doesn’t say whether it is advance/decline ratios, head and shoulders formations, or the notorious ascending/descending pennant design – to buttress his argument.

There is a special word for ohmadahnish academics such as this ninny.

BOOB

We can call off the search for Professor Irwin Corey. He has not been kidnapped by Somali pirates. He is alive and well and earning big bucks writing his usual brilliant folderol claptrap for Al Gore and his acolytes.

Here is the Final Jeopardy answer. Global Warming

How did the last Ice Age end?




Kevin Smith