May 15, 2014
Artie Sulzberger – Big Boss Man
The New York Times
630 8th Avenue
New York, New York 10018

RE: Wet dreams, 2 car funerals, and finding your ass using both your hands are in big trouble if you are in charge. The only honorable way out for you is to put your teeth in backwards and chew yourself to death.

Little Dick,

As President of the Manhattan chapter of the Lucky Sperm Club you must thank Gaia every day for a particular le petit mort finding an agile, motile, and most importantly, fertile ovum. Otherwise you be sucking farts out to the seats at the local Odeon.

I stopped reading the New York Times in March, 2003.

You may recall that, with overwhelming Congressional support and approval, this country went to war.

That should have been the subject of all your journalistic attention.

Not so, no so as the Great Rumsfeld was wont to say.

You devoted more Page 1 coverage to the absence of chicks at the Augusta National Golf Club than to upcoming battles. Shame on those rich White guys for denying the ladies a seat at the table!

Now you fire your lady editor because she had the cojones to ask for the same pay as her male predecessor. Talk about being a pushy bitch! [You probably should include in your employment application that if you have a smegma carrier you pick up some Affirmative Action points]

Even though you replaced her with a Black dude – If women get 77% of what men get at the Times what do non-Whites get? If you were to hire a Black chick, what with your sliding pay scale, she would probably wind up paying you – it’s too late. Why be a run of the mill modern American Liberal hypocrite when you can be a Stop the Guinness Book presses, Brobdanaglianly Homeric, one?




You have given us a new circle of Hell. If Dante were here he would say that you will spend Eternity looking up at eel shit. Believe me when I tell you that, should you ever get out of the underground, there will be no stars to look up at.

The incubus named Walter Duranty strikes again.

The news is not all bad.

I hereby name you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR.

This honor was gotten the old fashioned way.


YOU EARNED IT!



Kevin Smith




PS – A few nice “puzzle words”, right? See if you can get them by yourself, you turd.