November 24, 2014
Donna Shalala - President
The University of Miami
Coral Gables, FL 33124

RE: Overcoming the perpetual lack of a prostate gland - Some comments on your thoughts on Common Core educational standards becoming the starting line for gender equity, particularly the gender pay gap.

Madame President,

Is Logic still taught at the University of Miami? [Logic is the capstone of the Trivium and why do I think that it is an alien word in Coral Gables?]

I do not know the salaries of the Presidents of Stanford University, Rice University, Northwestern University, or New York University. I pledge that if we take the average salary of those 5 CEOs, and you are paid 77% of that number, I will lead a fund raising drive to make up the difference.

Was Janet Reno paid 77% of what Eric Holder was paid when they were Attorneys General of the United States?

Is Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz paid 77% of what Congressman Alcee Hastings is paid?

Was Condoleeza Rice paid 77% of what John Kerry is paid when both were Secretaries of State? Did she take a further hit because she is a Black female? 77% of 77%, perhaps.

Are female astronauts – astronettes? – paid 77% of what their male contemporaries earn?

My mail is usually late when it is delivered by my non-male mail man. Would the 77% pay gap be a mitigating factor? And speaking of male/female conundrums, do you think it is time to change man hole cover to person hole cover? Would person/person be an acceptable replacement for mail man, particularly if there is a preponderance of male mail men?

PI is 3.1416. If we were to make it 3.0 would that make it easier for girls to become hedge fund managers, Oval Office interns, and “lawyers and doctors and such”?

Are you telling me that as of today gender discrimination starts in early grammar school?

If you are not familiar with it Post Hoc Propter Ergo Hoc is not, never was, and never will be an acceptable answer, even to those who are unfamiliar with critical thinking.

You may want to brush up on your Logic.

Forgive me but I can’t resist the siren-like allure – Is that sexist per se? - when you say “glass ceiling”? How did it feel to be paid only 77% of what your predecessor made when you were a cabinet officer under President Clinton? [Do you remember telling the nation in 1997 that we would all die from AIDs in 10 years? My calendar says 2014. I like playing with house money, don’t you? It gives new meaning to the term “borrowed time”.]

When Bill Clinton was elected Attorney General of Arkansas his wife was hired by the largest law firm in Little Rock, Arkansas. When he was elected Governor of Arkansas she was made a partner by the largest law firm in Little Rock, Arkansas. When she was made an outside director of Wal-Mart it was the largest employer in Arkansas. I suppose it was just a coincidence that her husband was Governor of Arkansas, don’t you think? When her husband got to the White House he gave her the health care system of the United States to tinker with. It kept her occupied when he was mentoring interns on how to play “Hide the Salami”. Is that what you mean when you mention “eliminating the glass ceiling”?



Kevin Smith


PS – Could you find out if Wordsworth is still on the chick-lit shit list? If he is I won’t plant any daffodils.