November 7, 201
Mitchell Berger, Esq.
350 E. Las Olas Boulevard
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “… a dish best eaten cold” – Some comments on a few tumescently rich upcoming moments in the United States Senate.

Mr. Berger,

One of the joys of reading the Constitution – the one from Philadelphia in 1787 – as a non-lawyer is that there is no need to find a peripatetic penumbra or an ethereal emanation on which to hang a brief on for the latest appeal of Jarndyce v Jarndyce.

I wrote that I heard President B. O. and may I say that he is the best President that we have say that 5 states had approved increases in the minimum wage. As usual, his cavalier treatment of facts, particularly the inconvenient ones, was, as Bob Uecker says, “just a bit outside”. It was 4 states but “Come on, dude”, it’s close enough for government work, right? Besides, didn’t he tell us that there were “57 or 58 states”?

It’s a reason to cheer.

All hail James Madison and George Mason!

You may wish to consult the above-mentioned Constitution. For you, as a card carrying, fire breathing modern American Liberal, a type of individual whose favorite color is plaid, it may well be the first time. Pay particular attention to the Ninth Amendment. Then try to gulp the 10th. Admittedly they will be a tough swallow for people who regard the Constitution as a roadblock on the path to social justice, receding sea levels, and gluten free tofu farms. The thought of enumerated powers, thus powers that are precisely defined and limited, must be like finger nails on the black board, for which I add a jubilant Deo Gratias.

I have some bad news for you on the dead polar bear front.

Senator James Inhofe will be the next Chairman of the Senate committee in charge of finding the Bermuda Triangle, capturing Big Foot, and determining whether or not Atlantis is where the Loch Ness monsters go to breed.

All hail the triumphant return of the scientific method, of critical thinking, perhaps even reasoned discourse.
In addition to taking the regular oath required of testifying expert witnesses they will have to supply short essays on why correlation is not causation and why the words science and consensus must never be allowed to appear in the same sentence.


STOP THE PRESSES!

I have irrefutable empirical evidence of climate change from a confidential source on Bruce Avenue in Edina, MN. The Zip code is 55424

A quick pre-dawn glance out the window revealed that it was snowing. That this phenomenon was caused by gas-guzzling SUVs, the increasingly prolific use of plastic, the deadly cabal of the Koch Brothers and Wal-Mart that was spawned in the American heartland when no one was looking to become a coven of warlocks dedicated to the destruction by petrocarbons of the idyllic life dreamed of by wingnut moonbat ohmadahns who believe that tofu and range free kale will cure teenage bullying and obesity, there can be no doubt. I will keep you posted about this anomaly. Imagine! Snow in Minnesota. What have we done to our planet? Dies irae…de profundis…where is former Vice President Alpha Gump when we really need him? The short hand for the above is how about a more equitable distribution of seasonally adjusted Global Warming.

BACK TO REGULAR PROGRAMMING

When the first session of the Judiciary Committee of the new Senate convenes there will be a spectre hanging over it. It will be time to put paid on the bill owed to Robert Bork. Let me add Clement Haynesworth, Clarence Thomas, and Charles Pickering to the pay back list. If Senator Lard Kennedy can conduct himself as a meaner than cat shit toss pot so can the farmer from Iowa.

I can’t wait for the venom and vitriol to drip voluminously from the next judicial nominee who thinks that the Constitution should be updated every year, just like the LL Bean catalog.

I end with a personal plea. I started a PAC with the fetching name of

DEMS!
DON’T DUMP DEBBIE



I am surrounded by too many women with whom I share much DNA to ever suggest that I would “give her the back of my hand”. Also, I wouldn’t “drag her by the hair” for fear that I would cut my hands. She ain’t called MS Medusa for nothing.

Whom would you replace her with?

The Witch from the Wizard of OZ is retired.

The harlequin bruja from the Disney Dalmatian movie is tied up in sequels.

Bella Abzug is still dead.

You may as well keep Little Debbie.

Besides, I would have to make more environmentally insensitive t-shirts while disposing of the ones with her mug on them in a way that would increase my carbon footprint exponentially.






Kevin Smith



PS – One more thing of a personal nature. President B.O. told me I would save $200 a month once Obamacare was up and running. It is; I am not; it is costing me more. The facts, those damned inconvenient things that modern American Liberal treat as dog dirt, would support the interpretation that he is rotten, low down, stinking liar. It you were to send me a $50 pre-paid Visa card I would conveniently forget those lies. Honest.