March 17, 2015

Ana Veciana-Suarez

The Miami Herald

RE: In which “ad hominem” arguments are restored to their proper place of honor in response to your treacly, sugar-rush article on Chelsea Clinton Mezvinsky in today’s Miami Herald.

Sra. Veciana-Suarez,

First, the good part.

She seems to be, to quote Vice President Curley Biden – named after the smartest stooge – “clean and articulate”

Buckle up. Here comes the good part.

She may have been better served if she had gone to, like all the other residents of public housing in DC, any of the really fine schools there.

Then she may have had a chance.

She didn’t so she is an expensive prep school patina glossed Kardashian.

She, like her mother, has done nothing – zip, nada, zilch, bupkis – for her first 35 years. Her mother was hired by the largest law firm in Little Rock, akin to the world’s smallest violin, when her husband was elected Attorney General. Through hard work, great negotiating skills, and a superb court room manner she was made a partner in said law firm. It was just a coincidence that this happened just after her husband was elected Governor. Honest. Glass ceiling? Fuhgedaboutit!

To be fair she simplified the process of buying land by substituting all the mortgage business with a time-sales contract, just like when you buy a used car from the guy with the electric blue shirt and the patent leather shoes.

Now Mom looks like an aging hooker working 3 card monte scams at truck stops stuffing dollar bills in her exponentially expanding WD-40 larded Lycra knickers. 

But I digress.

Let’s get back to her cojones grandes. Sometimes metaphors have to be mixed.

She spoke to 1,200 women – a bit sexist, no? – about “investing in women and children”. That she did this with nary a hint of mirth nor a soupcon of whimsy is a testament to the strength of her mitochondrial DNA. Truly the Gods of Satire are suffering from terminal enuresis, proof yet again of the value of togas.

Her father, living proof that nothing succeeds like excess, and her mother, America’s most publicly humiliated and abused FLOTUS of the 20^th century – knowledge of FDR and JFK’s extracurricular swordsmanship was revealed post mortem

are now making a living hustling Ayrabs.

It doesn’t take much to figure out that these Islamic thugs want to be fleeced. For tip money they are buying a marker on a future President or even an ex-President.

Lest we forget, these sons of the desert have solved the harrowing hunt for the elusive “G” spot the old fashioned way. Cut it out and the chase is over, at least for the vixen.

The ladies who aren’t stoned – Did you know, did Chelsea know, did Hillary know, did you know, that there is a protocol for stoning women “taken in adultery”? The rocks can’t be too big lest they kill her too quickly. They can’t be too small lest they kill her too slowly. Only the right size will do. That’s why there is always a demand for Key lime sized stones. Honest.

BTB, how is that #BRINGBACK OUR GIRLS working out? I don’t hear about it anymore so I guess it worked out OK. It did, didn’t it?

Has her mother told her how she is going to react, assuming that she becomes President, to her being paid only 78% of what Obama got? That’s been a chick mantra for so long that it has to be true, right? How do you cope with guys making 25% more than you do? It would piss me off too.

Do you think her Mom learned from Nixon? If he had burned the tapes he would have been in office until January, 1976. 

Maybe she was/is in charge of deleting the e-mails.

Say this for her. Her parents taught her well.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – I think I may have been too harsh on the Kardashian kids. Deep down, like most modern American Liberals, they know that they are full of shit. They are out there where the regular buses don’t run. All they have is “a shoe shine and a smile”. They are proud of the fact that they will steal a hot stove. At least they don’t piss on my back and tell me it’s rain. If Bruce Jenner wants to denut himself Chelsea’s father will buy them. Better to have them and not need them to need them and not have them. He never knows when something will come up.