March 21, 2015

Jenny Staletovich

The Miami Herald

RE: Here comes Big Bird! – Some comments on your delightful but unlinkable Page 1 story on the continuing Man v Progress story about winged carrion eaters and Walmart, the anti-Christ, Typhoid Mary for profit entity from hillbilly Arkansas, the proud home of Whitewater, periling all the good things in America.

Ms Staletovich,

Think back to the glory days of TV Sit-Com when George Costanza had a lynch mob in hot pursuit after he burst the Bubble’s boy bubble.

Who would want to hurt the Bubble Boy?

A developer – Is that a 4 letter word? – is not waiting for the eternally still-born Summer of Recovery to resurrect itself. He wants to build a 250,000 square foot mall, featuring an indoor ski slope. It will “create” 500 construction jobs and as many as 2000 retail positions. Its main tenant will be Walmart.

[One of the complaints shared by every modern American Liberal journalist about the various venalities of Walmart is the beyond dispute claim that when they come to town Mom & Pop businesses are driven into extinction. When the 18 wheelers hit Main Street on the way to the just built mall the 21^st century version of Walton “creative destruction” a la Schumpeter is both in tow and in store. It is owed to the ledger that 2 points be brought up.

#1 – What is wrong with low prices and quality merchandise? Who was harmed when Walmart broke the stranglehold on the prices of prescription drugs? Certainly not inner city single moms, usually women of color, with a potentially feral teenager in need of a good Ritalin and Dilantin regimen.

#2 – If devotion and preference to Mom & Pop businesses is the paramount factor in making personal business decisions how many scribes, silent sufferers of the “non-malodorous fecal matter” syndrome, can raise their hands and swear that they have never bought a book from Amazon? Take your time. You’re under oath. “You hold your soul in your hands as if it were water. You open your fingers at your own peril.”

As to the birds….

I am el jefe of the Broward County chapter of the Ben Franklin School of National Mascots. He wanted the turkey, not the eagle. The eagle was a fierce defender of its territory and its extended family. When its productive days were over it fed its owner’s family. When was the last time you heard of Eagle Tetrazini?

The eagle, despite its avian narcissism, is not a good hunter. It either steals food from its lesser raptor neighbors or it eats carrion.

I will pledge allegiance to the Church of Evolution, a sect whose main tenet is still unproved 150 years after its initial announcement, when the turkey adapts to the life style of Food Stamp devotees, the manatee. If it weren’t for legions of nit-witted, Green loving Friends of Solyndra, throwing week old cabbages to them these sea slugs would starve.

Bubble Boy?

Bald Eagles?

Manatees?

Here comes Walmart!

The first 5 years of low prices are the hardest. 

Meanwhile, lock up your daughters.

What time is the destruction of AA batteries at the Church of Luddites tomorrow?

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET

PS – If bald eagles are so protected why can I buy an eagle headdress at any Sioux reservation out West?