November 8, 2015

Ken Kay

The Sun Sentinel

kkaye@tribpub.co

RE: Thank God for ClimateChange! Without it we would still be in the Ice Age. Some comments on your Page 1 above the fold rant about the horror, the horror of rising sea levels. Ned Lud and Lysenko should be proud

Mr. Kaye,

My normal Sunday AM routine usually consists of an egg white omelet made with eggs from range free chicken, combined with fat-free tofu, and then mixed  with organic chard – domestic, of course – and then blended in my wind powered Nutri Bullet with a goodly amount of organic Tanqueray used to liquefy the potion. [As a media mogul could you tell me if you have heard about Planned Parenthood entering the manatee culling business? If they were to Margaret Sanger would be so proud.]

My grandfather was always amazed that there were more horses’ asses that there were horses’ heads. Save for a remake of The Godfather the number should always be equal, right? 

QED?

“South Florida sea levels outlook grimmer

New report rolls back ‘conservative’ estimate

and warns of flooding

The outlook for South Florida’s rising sea levels has

turned potentially catastrophic, as new long-term

projections estimate that the ocean will be six-and-a-half

feet deeper by 2100 under a worst-case scenario.”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

Page 1

You

Since we’re talking about an 85 year-long event window could you give me the best case scenario? Any chance of Broward County turning into the Kalahari Desert? How about outdoor ski jumping? Could it become a new wine country? Move over Bordeaux. 85 years is a long time.

Speaking of 85 years, how about 46 years? In 1969 Professor Paul Ehrlich, Ph.D. published “The Population Bomb”. He is a guy who is so God-damn Homerically dumb that he makes my hair hurt. He couldn’t find his ass using both of his hands while he stood in a phone booth. Phone booth? Where did they go? He said we would all be dead by the year 2000. The only question was whether we would freeze to death or starve first. If you ever wonder why the words putz and ohmadahn survive and prosper read his book. On second thought, don’t. The combination of cataract and strabismus is not to be trifled with. Besides, it makes you more vulnerable to the dreaded ocular hemosepsis.

Pray tell, sir, but exactly what is the Florida Regional Climate Change Compact, the one with the altar that you regularly worship at? Any chance I could get a certified financial statement? How about a Federal tax return? Just like the Clinton Crime Family Foundation, OK? Did any of the key players work for Solyndra?

You say “the 5 year old estimate of rising sea levels is no longer valid”. [Again an aside but “truthful” and “valid” are not synonymous. They are not remotely interchangeable unless you want those words to mean exactly what you want them to mean. If you have working knowledge of the Trivium you will know what I mean.]

Speaking of “estimates”, when I lived in New Jersey I took care of my own pool for 26 years. There was no big secret to it. Stabilized tri-chloro above 90% was the key. Price, as in gasoline, was the deciding factor. I suppose this is as good a time as any to salute the giants of the fossil fuel industry, a proven combination of poverty ending and liberty enhancing men of vision without whom we would still be killing whales, particularly if we wanted to read at night.

One of the annual rituals was having the pool water analyzed. It didn’t matter where the water came from. Zephyrhills or Lourdes. The results would be the same. 

You would be handed a computer print-out that told you that the water was beyond toxic. Birds would die if they die if they flew over it. Preteens would be instantly struck with Grade 3 amblyopia. Women of a certain age were doomed to treacherous enuresis plus the heartbreak of psoriasis.

If you bought the emergency first responder kit of chemicals – Don’t ask. Of course they are organic -  for only $700 and had your water tested 3 times a week at no charge maybe you could use it by July 4^th .If you didn’t buy it your grandchildren would die before Flag Day. 

“What was the temperature of the water sample?”

That would end the discussion.

The higher the temperature the higher the burn rate of the chemicals. Constant testing would lead to buying more chemicals.

It was the Christmas Fruit Cake Circle writ large. 

Nobody eats them. Very few people have seen what’s inside the box. They are constantly re-gifted.  GlobalCoolingGlobalWarmingClimateChangeClimate is cut from the same paradigmatic template so favored by mush-brained modern American Liberals.

Causation and correlation are the same. If we didn’t have tautologies we couldn’t think at all. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, my ass.

When supposedly rational adults begin by saying “The consensus of scientists agrees….” you may reach for your revolver. There is no “consensus” in science. There is only objective truth. It is both observable and replicable. Einstein said her only had to be proved wrong once. If you don’t believe me ask Ptolemy. Ask Fred Hoyle. Ask about the Piltdown Man. Ask about when tomatoes were considered poisonous and avocados were fed to dogs. Ask about the Loch Ness monster. Ask about the Bermuda Triangle. Have you ever wondered why all he undocumented extra-terrestrials, the ones flying around at Mach 10, the ones from one of the smaller moons of Jupiter, haven’t landed at half time of the Rose Bowl in the Rose Bowl? I have. 

Do you remember when cranberries were poisonous and would cause your hair to fall out? If beef is bad why don’t cows have heart attacks?

You cite one Natalie Schneider, Palm Beach County’s Climate Change and Sustainability Coordinator, a title that not even Sisyphus would try to overcome, who says “the issue is complex”.

It is not “complex” for the 1%. It is not “complex” for those who were lucky in life’s lottery. Whenever a piece of waterfront property becomes available dueling lawyers meet  at dawn with briefs and wire transfers in hand. An acre and a quarter of beachfront property on Biscayne Bay was sold recently for $125,000,000. That’s m as in million. With all that dough you would think that they could find somebody who would tell them not to buy it because it’s going to be a halfway house for injured snook. Why do mortgage companies compete to finance such deals? Why does the Federal government encourage home owners to insure their property with them?

Hasn’t anyone told them?  

To cite the great Reagan who oft-times said that “it’s not that Liberals are dumb it’s that there is just so much that they don’t know”. In your case I’ll make an exception.

Your statement that 2015 “likely will be the warmest year on record” simply is not supported by available evidence, empirical or otherwise. To make such a claim with absolute certitude as you have bespeaks a la Mencken, “the confidence of a true Christian with 4 aces”. 

Too bad you are wrong.

All is not lost.

Since 1997 I have been begging the Sun Sentinel to show us the way, to  prod us down the path that leads to happy snail darters and rising test scores. The solutioin is obvious.

TURN OFF ALL YOU’RE A/Cs!

Undrown all those polar bears. Too bad if you are a baby seal. [With Darwin it’s all or nothing, right?]

If they don’t, quit.

Your grandchildren will thank you.

Kevin Smith

WARRIORBARDIT@BELLSOUTH.NET