March 27, 2016

“Mayor” Marty Kiar

Broward County Commission

119 S. Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: “Such stupidity, sir, is not to be found in Nature.” – Some restrained comments on  your clock stopping mini Op-Ed in today’s unlinkable Sun Sentinel..

Mr. “Mayor”,

“It is impossible to criticize unresisting imbecility”

I know, I know, the Great Dr. J is right but some things are owed to the ledger. I must try or it could be the high ball express train to Avernus for all of us. The Gods have long memories and short fuses.

First, have your health care advocate check your medicine cabinet.  You may have mixed Proferol and Prozac again. If not there is no other feasible conclusion to reach that you are such a horse’s ass that you should not be allowed to handle sharp objects or, Heavens forefend, operate heavy equipment.

“…151, 734 bikes have been taken by 106, 505 riders; 542,083

Miles have been ridden; 26,702 gallons of gasoline have been 

Saved; 525,258 pounds of carbon emissions have been reduced

….20, 599 calories and 5,784 pounds of fat have been lost.”

The Sun Sentinel

Today

You

I am speechless…almost.

Can you hazard a guess as to how many polar bears have been saved? Just give us a ball park figure. No one will hold you to it like some of the more skeptical of the “bitter clingers” might hold you to the provenance of your biking for life, cooling the earth and lowering the seas as your numbers imply.

That you are employed, that you draw a pay check, that you are abler – I think  - to get to work and back to your assisted living shelter – Hire the handicapped, adults with severe learning disabilities section - is a testament to the efficacy of the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Green loving, tree hugging, neo Fascists are forever hectoring me with “Think Globally, Act Locally persiflage. Maybe it’s time to reverse that.

It is obvious that bike riding is the key to ending strife and conflict all over the world.

May I suggest that as an alternative to a lobotomy you start a fund raising effort to buy and transport 100,000 bikes for use in the Sharia controlled areas of Brussels? In six months you’ll have Fatima and Yusuf hot legging it over to the “Dancing with the Stars” tryouts? Further, the Imams will shut down the stoning pits. In a year “La Cage aux Folles” will be number one on the stages in the new, more tolerant mosques. “A Jew and a Muslim” will be this year’s “All in the Family”. Honest. 

Then the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny will team up to find the Bermuda Triangle. As a bonus, you flaming nit-wit, they will try to find if Atlantis is the home of the all those missing socks.

Then we will send a gazillion bikes to North Korea. Once they realize that they can’t eat them they will peddle south and the Voice of the Turtle will once again be heard in the land.

After that, Serbia and Croatia.

Then the 2 big ones. 

The Sharks and the Jets and the Bloods and the Crips

Nobody cares about the Hatfields and McCoys. They’re dumb White people who mine coal and can see through a keyhole with both eyes.

It’s too later for the Capulets and the Montagues.

As soon as the contest for the face on the Cabeza de Miedra is announced I will be proud to nominate you. You’ll be a shoe-in.

Kevin Smith