October 1, 2017

Rosemary O’Hara – Editorial Page Editor

The Sun Sentinel

500 E. Broward Blvd.

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33394

RE: A new right discovered which, alas, does nor rival Keats “when a new planet swims into his ken” but is worthy of comment.

Ms. O’Hara,

“…and should it continue, we could see power

inequality after big storms to come.”

The Sun Sentinel

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Discovery of a new right, particularly one that is as important as power equality, is certainly worth a minor te deum.

Who knew that the right to be spared the plague of teenage obesity cum teenage bullying, the right to be free of the heartbreak of psoriasis, the right to be given a baker’s dozen of gluten-free poppy bagels, the right not to be struck by Hillary Clinton’s pendulous ass, will be joined by the right to have underground power lines. 

Bush 43 said that rights are “gifts from beyond the stars”. Despite it being lifted from the Declaration of Independence it so smacked of Natural Law that Senator Feinstein is still pissed off about it and she has decided to treat every Judicial nominee who is Roman Catholic as if they were 3 pounds of dog shit in a 2-pound bag.

Is being an alumnus of The Onion a prerequisite to becoming an editorial writer for the Sun Sentinel? Did they spend a semester at the feet of Mel Brooks? Do they have to memorize chapters of “A Confederacy of Dunces” like Islamic terrorists do with the sacred Koran? [Another digression, but why is the Koran always “sacred” while the bible is just the bible? It’s been around longer than Mo’s ramblings, hasn’t it?]  Are Kramer and Costanza in charge of proof reading?

Wait a minute! Stop the presses!

Humor is verboten in modern American Liberal screeds. Laughter is the worst medicine. It is like a Krebiozen enema to people who believe, believe deeply, in Midnight Basketball, in raising both the minimum wage and taxes as the cure-all for an ailing economy, for people who rooted for Hitler because Stalin, their Lord & Master, said he was an OK guy, for people who if they knew what annuit coeptis meant, would burn all your dollar bills…

Jeezus Haitch Keerist, but you people are about as funny as a rubber crutch.

I am about to be cursed with a near terminal case of enuresis. Perpetual micturition is to be my fate.

Kevin Smith

PS – “California makes customers pay a $1 monthly surcharge to bury power lines, but its funds have run out of money.” How’s that? “Funds have run out of money”? Run that past me again, OK? I know it is not even a feeble attempt at humor because the humor gene is bastinadoed out of the children of modern American Liberals just after they exit Mommy’s cervix but before they get to her lactating teat.

My first Old English Sheepdog, Falstaff, had his own credit card at the Speyer Animal Clinic in the posh upper East side of Manhattan. He was treated there before I took him to the Cornell University School of Veterinary Medicine in Ithaca, New York where he died on the operating table. I say this to show that I am not an animal hater but your news story about taking time off to grieve for a dead Bowser or a run down Tabby or a drowned guppy is beyond parody. Are you suggesting that an employer be obligated to pay a day’s wages to an employee can attend the suttee of the cute little ankle biter? Indeed, the loonies are running the bin, the boobies are now in charge of the hatch and “I’ll retire to Bedlam”.