October 11, 2017

Mayor Barbara Sharief

Broward County Commission

115 South Andrews Avenue

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Massa Broward be about to go into de cold, cold ground, maybe in a museum on one of Jupiter’s smaller moons.

Madame Mayor,

First, a digression.

I usually don’t begin my highly anticipated and appreciated love notes to modern American Liberal politicians, all of whom always turn out to be brobdanaglian horses’ asses, that way. You made me do it.

You have destroyed the hoary [hoary is not to be taken euphonically] saw about an independent judiciary. It ain’t.

Your unctuous diktat about the removal of the Broward statue – Next step is his removal from Wikipedia, right? -  give ukases a bad name. You, in your role as Chief Social Justice Warrior cum Amazon, forgot that the statue is in the court house.

So there.

But wait, there’s more.

Nothing in your background suggests that you have any knowledge, let alone formal training, in traditional Logic. I’ll type slowly. Reductio ad absurdum is both a crutch and a slide, a slippery slope if you will.

If Big Boss Man Broward gets the chop, how about Plantation High School? It has a sign in front that says “Home of the Colonels”. That’s Colonels, not Kernels. 

What does that sign do to the hundreds of melanin-enhanced students walking past it every day? Even though slavery ended 150 years ago, when the Dred Scott decision was overturned on the field of battle – I digress again. My father’s father had 2 uncles who fought with the Irish Brigade in the Wheat Field at Gettysburg on the afternoon of July 2, 1863. One of them is still there, “wrapped in his faded coat of Blue”. – we know that slavery is embedded, double-helixed if you will, into the DNA of American Blacks. Lysenko notwithstanding, the effects still linger. [I mention my uncle because if reparations become the law of the land I will claim a carry forward tax credit]

Yet we force them to bear the constant reminder of White supremacy as they enter and leave the school. Another lash on the backs of the wretched oppressed! 

It is time, indeed past time, to address the issue of Dixie Highway.

Since you can issue an order – “The wish of the Princess has the force of law – bypassing the Broward County judiciary and you can issue one bypassing the Broward County Board of Education the highway folks should be a lay-up. 

Until it is named after Willie Horton or OJ Simpson, beginning with one day a month, no county vehicle can travel up or down on Dixie Highway. No county vehicle or any vehicle regulated by Broward County can traverse – that means cross – Dixie Highway. The order should specifically mention emergency vehicles, vehicles such as police cars, ambulances, or fire trucks. Taxis also. Some things are more important than life or death.

There are 2 nuclear powered United States Navy warships named after Senator Stennis and Congressman Vinson. Alas, they spent their entire adult public lives trying to keep little Black boys from going to school with little White girls. Should they be scheduled to dock here I would suggest forming a blockade of Broward Sheriff’s speed boats – What was Sheriff Jenne, AKA Emperor Kenneth the Short, thinking? Did he want to invade Palm Beach? Your legal justification for this is the same one used to justify defying the Federal government on the matter of Sanctuary cities. It is called the Calhoun Theory of Nullification. It too was refuted, in part by my dead uncle and as many as 700,000 of his fellow combat veterans. It’s like Midnight Basketball. It didn’t get a fair shot the first time it was tried. Damned Bluebellies!

Show us the way and we will follow.

Honest Injun.

                                                           Kevin Smith

PS – You continue the distinguished line of Broward Commission Chicks of Distinction. Broads such as Sylvia Poitier, Kristin Jacobs, and Stacey Ritter deserve to be remembered and honored. The first one would and did steal hot stoves, the second one couldn’t find her ass using both her hands. The third one earns her Florida legislature title, “Cement Head”, every day. You go. Girl!