Tom Fiedler, Stout Shorenstein Fellow, Kennedy School of Government

April 24, 2008

Tom Fiedler – Stout Shorenstein Fellow

Kennedy School of Government

RE: Chatting with Clio

Dear Tom,

On my first trip to Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth, the largest saloon in the world, a gin joint so big that Fenway Park [absent the CITGO sign] could fit into it, I had Caitlin, my oldest grandchild, with me. I took her out of her stroller and propped her up on the bar. My granddaughters know that “more good has come from saloons then any other invention of mankind”.

I like to order anything organic, particularly if it is made by the local indigenous population. I chose Shiner Bock. Well schooled in saloon etiquette – another reason to say Deo Gratias for being from Bayonne – I engaged the locals in topical badinage.

I was told that if I wanted to “know Texas” I had to go to the Alamo.

My eyes became as big as saucers.

“Don’t overswing.”

How many fat lazy hanging curveballs do you get? Particularly late in a game with men on base?

“The Alamo? Wasn’t that where the Mexicans kicked your ass?”

That same year, 1998, I held Caitlin by the “Monica Gate” of the White House. I was wearing my “Right-Wing Conspirator” hat. “Come out with your hands up, you son of a bitch. We have the place surrounded.” The wish was not father to the deed.

Which gives me the segue to poleax the New England Patriots.

My disdain for Historical shibboleths is neither regional nor is it personal. It is universal.

On my last trip to Boston I went to Bunker/Breed’s Hill. “Simplicity, simplicity. I seek the essence of things” or so said Thoreau.

It took the Lobsterbacks 3 trips up the hill to drive the rebels, the rag-tag colonials, the “embattled farmers”, what ever, off the hill. Those heights control the harbor. You will find no plaque there saying “Go Stranger. Tell the Bostonians we lie here obedient to their laws”.

That was the last time a gun was fired in anger in New England during the American Revolution.

How convenient it is to be the Birthplace of the Revolution if all the bleeding is done elsewhere. Foetid is a great word seldom used. It deserves to be brought out once a year. It is the best modifier for describing the aroma, the ordure if you will, that surrounds the place.

The blood was shed in New Jersey, in Virginia, in the Carolinas. It was not shed in Massachusetts. Philip told Alexander “if you want to know war come with me to Macedonia”. What was started in Boston went on without an exit strategy everywhere else save there. The Patriots took a pass on the heavy lifting that freedom sometimes requires. It took them 85 years to redeem their honor.

At least the Texans paid the full price. That’s why when you go inside the Alamo there is a sign that says “Gentlemen will kindly remove their hats”.

Don’t get me started on the War of 1812.

Your pal,

KS

PS – Talk about the “unintended consequences” of History! All the forebears of those splendid Cheever and Updike characters had a monopoly on whale oil. In 1859 they decided to raise the price by 300%. That they would have killed every whale in the world made no never mind. In that same year, Colonel Drake continued the proud tradition of American Exceptionalism when he bought in the first commercial oil well. There is no need to do a DNA test for carbon footprints. They started then and there. By 1862 there was no whaling industry. In the rush for “clean energy” we took food crops out of production in favor of fuel crops. 3^rd Worlders will starve but rich New Englanders – Patriots all – will feel good about themselves. Some things never change.