Carl Hiaasen, The Miami Herald

December 7, 2008

Carl Hiaasen
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: “Big Sugar” – Sweet or Reckless? – Some comments on your revealing column this morning on what a government should do

Mr. Hiaasen,

And the great good fortune of being born and raised in Bayonne, New Jersey is again shown in your column.

You speak of the Everglades as if they were my granddaughters. In New Jersey we know them – not Caitlin, not Caroline, not Julia – for what they are: swamps.

Eyetie gangsters, turnpike bond hucksters, fraternity pledges with a paint can, lonely radio stations – Who else would go there? Mosquitoes in the summer, fish with three eyes, ducks that fly backwards, a failed bent nose.

Let a peripatetic panther snatch a child from a Westin backyard and the panther problem will be solved by 50 A-10 Warthogs emptying their 30 millimeter cannons on anything that moves. About a week’s worth of sorties would solve that problem.

I read, with growing amusement, of your tale of almost woe about what “Big Sugar” did, can do, will do to Florida in the deal to “restore” the Everglades.

[Would it be a sign of my naïveté to ask “restore” to what?]

Anyway, I’m chuckling just short of borborygymous eructations when I get to the “chilling effect” or, perhaps, the “slippery slope” throwaway phrase, a phrase so common to modern American Liberals, statists all, “until the state cracks down”.

Up until the true colors were revealed it was a tale told by typical mush brained modern American Liberals. Did I just repeat myself?

Then it was revealed.

“Until the state cracks down…”

Should we send the Board of Big Sugar to Camp Gitmo?
Should we send their lawyers and lobbyists to Abu Ghraib?

What the Hell do you mean when you say “crack down”?

Is it OK to “crack down” when we want to help manatees? Is it not OK to “crack down” when we wish to enforce the laws concerning illegal aliens? Is there a meter to determine intentions when we choose which laws to enforce?

Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus. That was an example of a pretty strong “crack down”. Maybe we should have “cracked down” before 12/7/41. Maybe we should have “cracked down” before 9/11/01.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?





PS – How about this for a “crack down”? Everybody knows that tobacco is evil. If we cannot ban the sale of it in this state how about banning the sale of it in drug stores and food stores? Would not the public be served, indeed well served, by this?