A New Way To Pick A Mayor

November 29, 2008

Letters to the Editor
The Miami Herald
One Herald Plaza
Miami, Florida 33132-1693

RE: Local Perspectives – A new way to pick a mayor

Sirs,

How can you not love this place?

Broward County, the Petri dish of modern American Liberalism, has been the cheerleader for the chorale of Jeremiads about stolen elections since 2000. The Republicans stole the election! The Republicans stole the election! The lyrics are the same. The music is rap, Gregorian chant, reggae, blue grass, inter alia.

It is well to note that the Torquemada chosen to investigate voting irregularities in 2000 was Daley, son of THE Daley, and a man who knew that the thing about recounts was that you counted and counted until you got the count you wanted. His selection was beyond parody. Also, it was impossible to satirize. Why? Because the toads in the 4th Estate wanted to believe that the fix was in.

This brings us back to Sunrise.

You may recall that President-elect Obama, on one of his tours around this 57 or 58 state country, called it Sunshine. Not once, not twice, but three times. Imagine if Sarah Palin had done that. MSNBC would have tried to Baker Act her.

One of the solutions to disputed elections, to cantankerous recounts, to the wrong people getting elected is simple. The test run in Sunrise, if successful, may well become the paradigmatic template of modern American Liberalism.

If you think the results of the election will not be to your liking cancel it.

Mayor Steven Feren of Sunrise was sent to the Bench by the electorate. He resigned. Deputy Mayor Roger Wishner, coached by Hinnisy, the famous publican, “saw his opportunities and he took’em”.

A word about Wishner is in order.

A few years ago then Commissioner Wishner filed a police complaint alleging that he was assaulted at a Commission meeting. In a heated exchange with another Commissioner, David Harlem, Wishner claimed that Harlem pointed his index finger at him and pulled it like a trigger.
A trait common to modern American Liberals is that while they love protests – drowning polar bears, the Dalai Lama, teenage obesity, “Don’t let’s be nasty to the WOGS”, things like that – they don’t want debate. It makes no difference whether the debate is intramural, intermural, extramural, or sansmural. Once the official line is established there is to be no deviance. That’s why Dr. Mengele would do well in a primary in Broward County. His progressive views on abortion, predicated for the most part on the works of Margaret Sanger a heroine to most modern American Liberals, would sway many voters.

If Commissioner Harlem had used his middle finger it would have had First Amendment protection. By using his index finger he stirred the pot about the Second Amendment.

Is there a modern American Liberal anywhere who does not become tumescent at the thought of disarming the Second Amendment? An index finger is a 50 caliber sniper rifle. A fist is a neutron bomb.

Stuart Michelson, Esq., the city attorney, doubtless acting under instructions from George Soros and Keith Olberman, canceled the election. He then anointed Roger Wishner Mayor for Life. No muss, no fuss, and no chance of the wrong guy getting in. According to confidential sources the Obama administration is studying this new method of choosing leaders very closely.

“All evidence is circumstantial”, said Bertie.
“Yes”, said Jeeves, “especially when
you find the trout in the milk.”

Stuart Michelson, Esq. is paid $8300 a week to represent Sunrise. [Sunrise, Sunset. No big deal.] That amount does no include expenses. Ski masks, shotguns, jimmies, shivs, crowbars – traditional burglary tools – are excluded from reimbursable disbursements.

The annual retainer, $432,000, was agreed to by the Sunrise commission.

I’m from Hudson County, New Jersey. Naïveté is beaten out of children. The fact that Roger Wishner, a man afraid of raised fingers, cast the deciding vote that gave Stuart Michelson, Esq. $432,000 a year is one of those things that just happened. Michelson the lawyer gets more than 8 grand a week and Wishner gets the crown. It’s just a coincidence. It happens as often as an Ice Age.

Next they’ll get the trains to run on time