E.J. Dionne, The Washington Post

April 6, 2009

E.J. Dionne
The Washington Post
1150 15th Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20071

RE: “Health Care Year” – The Year of the Omadahn? – Your marvelous column this date on overcoming gravity if enough good people want it to happen. I mean really, really want it to happen.

Mr. Dionne,

Having solved the banking crisis, having solved, save for those pesky Gomers in North Korea, the world crisis, having solved the car crisis, you herald the President on his decision to solve the health care crisis. All of these will be done before hurricane season which, doubtless, he will save us from the ravages of by outlawing it before Father’s Day.

“True, Congress will have to pay for all this.”

Congress will have to pay for all this? And I bet your Mom thought you were smart. Congress pays for nothing. Before they can authorize checks they must first take money from people who have it or borrow it from people who wish to lend it to us.

[It is well to note that Hillary Rodham Clinton spent her entire time in the Senate railing against the Chi-Coms and their insatiable Yellow Peril appetite for United States Treasury obligations. She becomes Secretary of State and she jumps on a SR-71 wearing her best pole outfit and heads straight to the Forbidden City. En route she is joined by volunteers from the Mustang Ranch. They had to learn, in addition to practicing their innate skills, how to say, “Buy more T-bills” in Mandarin. No, Monica was not there. Politics does make for strange bedfellows, doesn’t it?]

But what is it that “Congress will have to pay for”?

Health care, dummy!

You say the “government will have a decade to get costs and expenditures in line”. 4 years in will there be a “surge”? Led by whom?

I know that when politicians cross the Potomac they become wiser, taller, plus they sing better. These gifts are now visited on columnists.

Exactly who are these green-eye shaded supermen who will “get costs and expenditures in line”? Where are these devotees of Deming now? Move over Graham & Dodd, the spread sheet A-Team is being assembled!



Will they be the bright boys who run the United States Postal Service?

I am sure the IRS can supply some management expertise.

At the local level there is an untapped mother lode at any Department of Motor Vehicle office.

Theses people are just waiting to zero in on unneeded double ventricular parasystole tests. Any thought to bringing back Doctor Kevorkian?

Before you get us hooked up to a Kool-Aid IV, can you tell me the difference between a presumptively bad Republican deficit and a presumptively good Democratic deficit?

In the run up to the good times – in the words of legendary labor leader Fred Kite “All them corn fields and ballet at night” – with bad guys, both living and dead, paying for it perhaps we can have a trial run.

Before we turn all of medicine over to the zombies who work at the Department of Education and the Department of Agriculture perhaps we could have a trial run. Let’s see how well the Feds run GM. I’d put VP “Curley” Biden in charge of used cars. I can see him wearing electric blue slacks and suede shoes, can’t you?

Count me as a charter member of “the forces of cynicism and obstruction”.

Mrs. Benito Obama has some practical experience in the health care profession, doesn’t she?

Proctoscopies for all!


PS – Your inclusion of Congressman Rangel as one of the head poltroons to assemble this panjandrum juggernaut is brilliant. He can bring all the other tax cheats, including Governor and Mrs. Blago, back from under the bus. That way there will be more room for the Poles and the Czechs.