Senator Richard Durbin

March 31, 2009

Senator Richard Durbin
525 South 8th Street
Springfield, Illinois 62703

RE: Campaign finance reform, yet again

Dear Little Dick,

At the risk of being tarred with the racism brush what about the 800 pound gorilla lurking in the corner? Primate references are OK as long as the target is Caucasian. Since you are a Democrat from Illinois I know that you can appreciate the irony of Abraham Lincoln being called a “baboon” by the Democratic Party and the New York Times.

The 800 pound gorilla I refer is President B. Hussein Obama. Since he rallied the troops to defy the Constitution – Bills of Attainder? Ex post facto? – over AIG and then decided who should be employed by GM I can now change the ‘B’ from Barack to Benito. George Soros spent a lot of money to get people to stuff $20 bills into little white envelopes so as to skip the finance laws in place last year. Why should this be different?

I heard you say that your new law would free up elected politicians to legislate and not have to dirty their hands raising money. About that contention, two things:

#1 – Considering their record for the last 2 years the common weal would be better served with them out of the legislature be it for fund raising, campaigning, non-gender specific canoodling, and proclaiming how chest thumping proud they are of their “non-malodorous fecal matter” status. If they are not in session they can’t pass any laws. #2 – Your focus is on re-electing sitting legislators. How about the guys running against the smarmy bastards who are there?

Senator Dodd and Senator Obama split $205,000 from AIG in 2006. Cui bono? Certainly not the people of this country. Is that what you had in mind?

Senator Kennedy, Senator Kerry, Senator Rockefeller, Senator Kohl, and Senator Feinstein have so God Damn much money that, should I decide to commit suicide, all I need do is jump off their wallets. Other than being members of the Lucky Sperm Club what the Hell did these swells ever do?

Since we now know that the Constitution no longer counts why not have legislation limiting the amount of personal money that can be spent on an election? The present system places poor people, people “unlucky in life’s lottery” and people who are not members of the Lucky Sperm Club, at a disadvantage. Since the stated goal of the modern American Liberals who run DC is to make poor people rich by making rich people poorer how about starting with the 5 mentioned above?





Pass some laws making $50 the total amount they can contribute to their own campaigns. Spouses can give them $100 because they probably want them out of the house. Make them retroactive. In a legislative season that can seriously consider banning secret ballots and undoing private contracts the above should be simple.

Speaking of fat cats who are White, how is your old friend Senator Roland Burris doing? Not since Prince Hal dismissed Fat Jack with “Old man, I know thee not” has a public figure been so publicly peed on. People were getting thrown under the bus before we had buses.

That’s the beauty of modern American Liberals.

They have no shame.

My records indicate it has bee at least two years since I have put you into the Ring of Honor. Therefore I proclaim you

SMARMY BASTARD OF THE YEAR
[EMERITUS]

It’s getting crowded under the Obama bus.

When it comes time for Burris to be looking up at the Michelins – You know, you remind me a little of Bibendum – it may be too crowded what with Daschle, Richardson and all the other tax cheats up front. Throw him under the back of the bus. Do it for old times sake.