Texas State Representative Valinda Bolton

April 6, 2009

State Representative Valinda Bolton
Room E2, Capitol Extension
Austin, TX 78701

RE: There’s no horse’s ass like a Texas horse’s ass.

Representative Bolton,

In my never ending quest to find and name elected officials who are consummate horses’ asses I stumbled on to you in today’s On Line Wall Street Journal. The inane utterances of modern American Liberals of which you are decidedly one, the quotidian effort to make water run uphill or to make a 4 sided triangle, the eternal effort at quantifying, as the great Doctor Johnson said, “the triumph of hope over experience”, are expected of politicians who have no connection to the “permanent things”.

Your comments on the plight of the Tigua ladies, Texas redskins who, while they can vote for President of the United States, cannot vote for the Chief Rain Dancer of their tribe, were not particularly egregious. As a Democrat you watched as your Party tried to do away with secret ballots in union elections. If you can sit still with that why get upset about some squaws in West Jabib, Texas. I mean it’s not like Ann Coulter and Phyllis Schlafly were coming to town. Now there’s a pleasant thought! Imagine the chaos if both were to come, guns blazing and proclaiming Logic to the masses.

The reason why I pick on you, other than the obvious one of your equine hind quarters, is two fold.

#1 – My granddaughters, all Texas born, still live in Texas. Fortunately they are 500 miles away from your rhetorical incontinence.

#2 – My Godson, with his wife and two daughters, the youngest of whom actually climbed up on my lap and settled in quite comfortably the first time she met me, may live in your district. The thought of him and them growing up in a place where you may have some influence on public policy fills me with dread.

“After the meeting-during which she discovered that Tiqua women have
‘a great deal of self determination for themselves and their families’-
Bolton went laissez-faire on the voting issue. ‘Like a lot things, I realize
it’s a lot more complicated than I probably appreciated,’ she said.”

Actually, it isn’t.

It’s rather simple.

Perhaps your reason for hesitating is political.


The Tiquas, surely nature’s noblemen and how the mighty Commanches missed them is a question for a different time, may be sitting on an aboriginal gold mine: gambling and other leisure activities.

As long as we bribe American Indians to stay somewhere in centuries past with gold gained from Round Eyes gambling and gamboling with the state getting a few crumbs they will continue to treat their women like chattel.

May I suggest that if gambling is the Utopian honey pot of cash starved politicians how much greater would be the reward if you combined it with whore houses?

What the Hell else are these Indian ladies good for?

Equal rights dictate that the desires of America’s rump wranglers be honored. Congressman Barney Frank ran a male only whore house in his basement. Maybe he could help set up the business. Alas, the days of Red men scalping White men in battle are over. Today, the business model is to fleece them but leave them standing for another bout. In the case of the Texas Knocking Shops, leave them horizontal. How close are you to “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”? Sing, dance, try to fill inside straights, plow Pocahontas, throw a jump into Sitting Bull. There is no difference.

And don’t forget the idea of opium dens

What the Hell do you care?

Later on in the same Wall Street Journal dispatch the quaint Hindu custom of suttee is mentioned. When Gunga Patel, Sr. died his friends would wrap him in a shroud and toss him on to a fire that Texas A&M used as a model for football rallies. To keep the home fires burning they would truss up Mrs. Patel and toss her onto the same pyre. What Mrs. Patel felt about this was irrelevant. It was a “complicated” situation. They were bound by “tradition”.

The British army put a stop to this by using one of their traditions.

Colonel Rottensocks said we’ll have our traditions play out side by side.

If you build your funeral pyre I’ll build my gallows.

If you cook Mrs. Patel I’ll hang you.

Thus the “complicated” tradition was ended. Thus was civilization introduced to the Lesser Breeds.

Do you see how simple it is?



You probably have your knickers in a knot over how we treat bomb throwing towel heads in Camp Gitmo, America’s first adult sleep away camp. That’s what modern American Liberals do.

Here it is different. By staying silent [Qui tacet consitet, remember?] you acquiesce in the continuance of Stage One Sharia Law – Texas style.

I have 3 granddaughters and 2 nieces who can be infected by your verbal ca-ca. Since they are all minor children they need an adult to speak for them. Unfortunately, that adult is not you.

There is nothing “complicated” about it.

Thereby, by the powers vested in me, I hereby name you

HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK

Leave my Texas ladies alone.