Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Democratic National Committee

May 28, 2012



Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003

RE: Redskins & Injuns, feather merchants, and why after the first lie there are no others.

Dearest Darling Little Debbie, Debbie,

In my bid to reach across the aisle, to show a sense of compromise that, Thank God, is still lacking in Congress, to show you that I really, really care I was going to gently, oh so gently, admonish you for some of your more recent gaffes.

Your attempts to make Joe “Curley” Biden sound like he knows what he is talking about are admirable. After all, that boob is but a heartbeat away from the ultimate RESET button. Do you remember when Julianne Malveaux prayed that Justice Clarence Thomas’s wife feed him heavy cream, fried foods, and give him lard in an IV in the hopes that the racist sickness of hypertension might kill him? Maybe the Koch Brothers have taken over the White House mess. In this instance “mess” means kitchen, not the general state of things. Maybe they have hookers servicing the Secret Service while one of their thugs pours gravy – taking a cue from Hamlet - in the Dumbolike ears of B.O.

Since I do these things with a velvet glove, a wry sense of humor, a spot on knowledge of Political Science, History, and Literature – things of which you have zero familiarity, let alone knowledge – and a Flashman-like sangfroid of the dangers of getting on your bad side – Remember, you sicced the coppers on me – I know you look forward to my little notes.

Your comments on apples, oranges, and that reliable old chestnut, coconuts, are beyond the universe of sniggering. You make Professor Irwin Corey sound like Sir John Gielgud reading from the Book of Common Prayer.

Your premise on Venture Capital, the one that says it is evil while simultaneously saying taking campaign contributions from card carrying Venture Capitalists is good, shows that modern American Liberal shills need constant chiropractic care. As soon as flip-flopping becomes an Olympic sport the first team will be assembled from Democratic gun slingers. Gray’s Anatomy will have to be rewritten when X-ray evidence of a lumbar/thoracic convulsion akin to a Slinky going up a down escalator is revealed. The ability to remove your own tonsils from the inside, while it may well be an admirable trait, is not a prerequisite for public punditry.

The latest lightning bolt from Ground Zero on the economy, like taking dating etiquette lessons from Mary Magdalene, says that Venture Capital produces wealth without jobs. The country knows how to produce jobs without wealth. It’s called the United States Post Office. With the exception of George Soros it is a truism that creating wealth also creates jobs. I suggest the example of FedEx as one that did both. Anyone who says the opposite deserves to have his/her face on a piñata.

Wait a minute!

Somebody’s face is on a piñata.

The Republican Governor of South Carolina, a woman of color, had her face attached to a piñata at a Democratic Party picnic. As the state Chairlady hit her SEIU thugs yelled “Raghead”, “Dothead”, and “WOG”. I kept waiting for “Macaca”, the ultimate insult, but I did not hear it. Would those words make it a hate crime?

When Congresswoman Gabriela Giffords was shot you concluded a la Sherlock Holmes that the reason for this crime was Right-Wing radio in general, Rush Limbaugh in particular, and the aura of hate fueled by the Tea Party. Your silence about the racistl assault on Governor Haley must be judged by the Latin adage “qui tacet consentire”. Silence gives consent.

Logic must dictate that you are content as long as the basher is a Democrat and the bashee is a Republican. It really is easy to be modern American Liberal. As soon as you make plaid your favorite color the rest is easy.

These things I will not do today.

I am declaring a unilateral truce – no conditions, none whatsoever – because obviously no one has told you that your guy, President Barack Hussein Obama, Lord Barack the Beneficent to his close friends, wants children, particularly children of color whose Moms are single parenst, to drown.

When you were a Florida legislator you, in the parlance on modern American Liberals, “led the fight” against toddlers drowning. I think it was the leading cause of death for children in Broward County under the age of 5. Since it is obvious that women and minorities suffer disproportionately from every villain caused epidemic of social ills the number of African-American children who drowned here was staggering.

You sponsored legislation requiring bottom drain covers, lines separating the shallow from the deep, fences, and yet more rescue devices.

It was obvious that your Italianate hand was guiding this administration’s legislative and regulatory attempts to ban both bullying and drowning.

The President, by suspending enforcement of the rules governing pools, just made a calculated political decision that the country could afford a few more minority drownings as long as he got the votes of the people who own pools. A case could be made for the Koch Brothers having gotten to him. That’s the Chicago Way, isn’t it?

I am positive that if you knew this you would blow the top off the Capitol dome.

How could you do otherwise?

T.E. Lawrence once said “Not much can be gotten from a sure victory but there is much to be gained from a sure defeat”.

I am typing this about 12 yards from my pool.

Bring your reporters and their cameras.

Challenge the President to reverse his racially cruel ruling.

Debbie, Debbie in the next edition of “Profiles in Courage” has a nice ring to it.

After all, it’s for the children.


Kevin Smith


PS – I feel sooooo good! I went a whole note without once mentioning Elizabeth Warren AKA Princess Lying Sack of Bison Dung. I have it on unimpeachable authority that Manitou is very pissed off at her. Also, Mammon and Lucre, the Gods of Venture Capital want to know whose fingerprints are on Solyndra as it is officially FUBAR. [FUBAR? Send a SASE]