February 4, 2016

Mitch Caesar, Esq.

Broward County Democratic party

1832 N. University Drive

Plantation, FL 33322

Ave Mitch!

I turn to you with the tough questions, questions that may produce tough answers.

Bernie Sanders is a Socialist. To his credit he has always proclaimed himself to be so. The problem is that he has some interesting political forebears.

Benito Mussolini was a Socialist. 

He was a favorite of the 1930s version of modern American Liberalism. The Progressive New Dealers looooved him if for no other reason that he got the trains to run on time. Men like Tugwell and Hiss thought he was spot on for the times.

So he invaded Ethiopia and Libya. Don’t hold that against him. Remember that he tried to introduce single payer, universal health care to the ungrateful paisanos. Besides, Libya and Ethiopia were a “faraway people of whom both the Patricians and the Plebeians knew little”.

The other big time Socialist was Adolph Hitler.

He was almost a vegan. He loved animals. He adored children. He never permitted smoking in his presence. His views on women’s reproductive rights were such that if Dr. Mengele, the point of his spear in such matters, were to run for any office in a Broward County Democratic primary he would get a vote that would make Hudson County and Cook County proud.

Before they came to be known as the Nazis they were known as the National Socialist Party. Honest Injun. You could look it up.

His favorite Americans were Avery Brundage and Margaret Sanger. [Later he really liked Joe Kennedy] He liked Sanger so much that he used her writings as the basis of his 1934 Nuremberg Race Laws. Sanger was the darling of eugenicists, herd cullers, and disposing of “undesirables” through abortion. Planned Parenthood doesn’t feature all of her past but she was right when she said that “3 generations were enough”. Hitler took this to its Logical conclusion when he discovered that the back door of an abortion abattoir leads to the express lane to Auschwitz. 

Anyway, here’s the problem.

  If Bernie is Benito is Hillary Adolph?

She said that winning the Margaret Sanger award from Planned Parenthood as uterus cleanser of the year was her proudest moment.  

Speaking of Hillary, she is about 2 quarts of Ben & Jerry’s Tofu crème brulee mit schlag away from having her ass becoming part of the dreaded Navy Seal team obstacle course. If you want to lose weight on your own time just run around her. Doing that could make Aunt Jemima look like Halle Berry in less than a month.

Please note that if God still has His legendary sense of mirth she will be leading a beginners Pilates class from a minimum Federal security prison. She’ll look good in a 4XXXX exercise jump suit.

I think it would be good TV if you could arrange to have the long delayed Summer of Recovery arrive just as the Democratic Convention, having sung “Kumbaya” to death and “Imagine” to the point of projectile vomiting, tells us that the children are our future.

Non-threatening fireworks, after a tribute to Lillian Hellman, would be in order. 

Vale Caesar!

Kevin Smith