January 31, 2016

Mitchell Berger, Esq

Berger, Singerman

 350 E. Las Olas Blvd. 

Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33301

RE: Time for a new edition of Profiles in Courage?

Mr. Berger,

Page 1 of today’s Sun Sentinel tells us of a proposal by 1%ers for 1%ers to build a 39 story tall fossil fuel consuming and belching ecologically destructive beach front catastrophe meant for those who are either “Lucky in life’s lottery” or President of the local chapter of the Lucky Sperm Club.

On several fronts, not the least of which is concern for the old, the tired, the poor, would not the core beliefs of modern American Liberalism demand that attention be paid to inner city residents in the form of Section 8 set asides, and of senior citizen, low income housing set asides? How about a homeless shelter for moribund AIDS victims?

Should not some provision be made for Gay and Lesbian Syrian refugees?

Pray tell me but has any consideration been given to displaced manatees?

With the possible exception of the confluence of the Age of Carter and the Age of Disco and Leisure Suits has there been a bigger affront to Gaia than this proposed pox on both our souls and our precious sea shore

Upon further review the above should be of no concern to you.

The moral high ground from whence you dispatch your morally superior thunderbolts about the perils of electricity, of pasteurization, of vaccines, of antibiotics, of temperature modification, of plastic, of things inorganic, indeed of the perils of Western Civilization as we know it gives you the big picture.

Logic would dictate that you, in addition to being an attorney, are a devoted acolyte of Ned Lud and Thomas Malthus. I won’t ask if you were a fan of Professor Ehrlich and “The Population Bomb” because we are 16 years past the expiration date of humanity. Surely you remember that he said in 1969 that we would either starve to death or freeze by the year 2000. You do remember, don’t you?

As an anointed one, one who knows that we are but a few short years from Broward County becoming an underwater national park, you have no choice but to do the following:

#1 – Refuse to represent any parties be they buyer, seller, or lender in this proposed rape of our sea shore. 

#2 – You must scorch the earth with a paper blizzard of motion surpassing Jarndyce v Jarndyce in a last ditch effort to stop this abomination. If you can’t stop it you must use your firm’s time to tell us of the impending doom and disaster awaiting us should this go forward.

#3 – For openers, as a way to get our attention, as a way to force us to think about what we are doing to our planet, because, after all, the children are our future you must turn off your all your A/Cs. Show us the way and we surely follow. Well, some of us might. Maybe. Hey! You never know. 

On a different note can you tell me what type of Socialism will Bernie, the Boslhie Booster practice when he takes over? Will it be the doctrinaire, by the book, hugely successful Bulgarian method or the more consumer oriented, user friendly Venezuelan prototype? Also, will the Zimbabwe paradigm, one known world-wide for it pragmatism, be used? It’s important. I have some Viva Chavez shirts that I can convert to Viva Mugabe cheaply.

Get back to me, please.

Kevin Smith

PS – That squishy sound you heard, the one preceded by a sonic boom worthy of the Concorde was me falling off my chair and wetting my pants after laughing my ass off after the unintended consequences of crony capitalism come to Broward County, AKA Ground Zero for modern American Liberalism. While you were trying to save the furbish lousewort, the Uruguayan transgendered unicorn, and the notoriously shy Bikini bivalves the Kalashnikov cabal, the maker of the notorious AK-47 snuck into the Broward County Commission and grabbed $147,000 and some “Don’t Pay Real Estate Taxes’ hall passes on the promise of “creating” jobs. It’s bad enough that it’s an assault weapon but it is also Russian. If we have to subsidize weapons of mass destruction what’s wrong with doing it for an American company? The AR-15, the Ruger Bushmaster, a Dirty Harry .45 caliber pistol, a gun that will blow your head clean off your shoulders would have been good for America, right?